“I’m sorry,” I repeat. “I swear I’ll slow down and not kill someone with the door.”
He gives me an amused smile. “You okay?”
I nod. “Yeah. Just in a hurry.” I use that as an excuse to slip by him.
“You look stressed. Can I?—”
“Nope. I’m fine,” I interrupt and hurry into the first open compartment to shut the door behind me. I nearly forgot that all greetings come with an offer to suck dick. I guess that’s what happens when you spend most of your spare time with someone.
A smile climbs, and I’m glad that I can’t actually speak to anyone, or they’d hear my cheesy grin in my tone and ask questions. I glance at the phone. Okay, I cantechnicallymake a call and there’s probably windowless rooms here where I can set up a video call, but I’m not going to.
It’s been nearly two weeks since I checked in with my brother, and I’m feeling a little shitty and irresponsible about it. I press my bracelet against the scanner until it makes a beep, and the computer comes to life. My name flashes across the screen, letting me know my activity has been recorded.
I really appreciate the simplicity of life with this magic bracelet. If it can completely navigate life on this island, I wonder why we don’t have them in the, uh… real world? Thisisthe real world, so that doesn’t truly explain what I mean.
I suppose the conspiracy theorists would complain that it’s too much control. That we’re walking around with a chip tied to us like dogs. And yet, there are hundreds of people on these six islands who don’t seem upset about it at all. I’m sure if I read the fine print, I’d see that thereisGPS in the bracelets in case someone needs us, but I’m not even upset about it. If something happened to my brother or someone else in my family, I’dwantthere to be a way to track me down.
I’m not paranoid that the government is watching me. Fucking watch me. I’m leading a boring ass life, so it’s only going to put them to sleep. The self-importance some people have never ceases to amaze me. Besides, there are nine billion people in the world. Billion. With a B. You think they’re really going to watchme?Unlikely.
Now that the computer’s booted up, I can stop thinking about random shit and log into my email. I scan for my brother’s last one and open it.
Hey,
Hope you’re having fun. I haven’t heard from RDU yet, so I want to make sure that you’re registered for classes atLongwood in case the transfer doesn’t go through. I’ll make a call next week for an update if I still haven’t seen an email from RDU.
There’s no pressure to continue at Longwood whether your transfer goes through or not. You know that, right?
Be safe, brother.
Lix
My heart sinks. I wonder if there’s a reason that RDU doesn’t want me. I think about my essay and wonder if I’d said enough. Maybe they’re full. Maybe there isn’t enough housing or… they don’t like that I’m transferring for the second time in two years. Maybe Ishouldhave explained why I transferred both times and why I need one more transfer.
I take a breath and hit reply.
Hey, Lix.
Sorry. I didn’t mean to not answer for so long. What they say about island time is true… It’s slow, yet the days go by without me realizing it. Don’t worry; I’m being safe and good and not getting pregnant!
I am registered for classes at LU. I’m not sure I want to go back if I can’t get into RDU. Spending the entire year looking over my shoulder won’t help my grades or my mental health, but I’ll think about it.
I’m really sorry for not checking in over the last two weeks. I met some guys, and I’m having a good time, but it’s really irresponsible of me not to check in. I’m sorry.
And thank you for keeping up with RDU. Thank you for everything you do for me. I don’t tell you that enough.
Xo
I quickly click on send before I get mushy, then I stare at the screen that shows the short email exchange. It was a littlemisleading, wasn’t it? That could be interpreted as fucking around. And why wouldn’t Lix immediately think that?
As soon as I was picked up last summer, I jumped into the bed of the first guy that would have me—Azure Dayne. I bounced from him right to Gabe. Sure, I enjoyed Gabe’s company, but for me, it was simply physical.
I used them both to drown out all the discomfort in my mind still potent from Trevor. All the insults and manipulations and gaslighting. It was loud, and all I wanted was to forget it. That’s what Gabe did for me.
Mostly. Right up until I realized he was far more into me than I was him. I then graduated from trying to completely rid my memory of Trevor’s abuse into thinking I was just like him, using Gabe for my own pleasure.
Logically, I know it’s different. I made what I was interested in perfectly clear, and Gabe assured me he understood. Ididn’tguilt him into anything. I didn’t bribe him or threaten him or anything else.
I’mnotlike Trevor at all.
