What should we make of this? The people writing our histories want us to see something very specific. Just as those who see historical images of two men together or two women together refer to them as “just roommates” despite them very obviously being depicted as a romantic couple.
Just as with homosexuality, polyamory has always existed in our histories. In our ancient cultures. In the earliest recorded forms of relationships. Ancient Greece had an entire elite army unit of 150 male couples who remained undefeated through several very crucial wars. In Ancient Egypt, the pharaohs had many wives and even ranked them by favorites. All throughout our history, we see ourselves in their writings.
Sometimes, I think about this when I see my husband falling in love with another man. I often wonder what word our ancient ancestors used for compersion. How did they describe the warmth and joy that spread through them at seeing the person they loved most in the world radiate with a happiness so pure that they practically glowed?
“He’s so cute,” Alka says, smiling as he watches the ocean in the distance. “The way he blushes at compliments and kind of fumbles for words. He’s such a nice guy. He has a brother who plays hockey. Well, he used to play hockey. He just retired. Elixon Kipler.” Alka looks at me. “Have you heard of him?”
I shake my head. We’re not a huge sports house. We’re involved in soccer, of course. We watch professional games when we have the opportunity to. But besides the highlights that comeon while we’re watching soccer, we don’t see much about other sports.
“The way he talks about Elixon is just the sweetest thing. He really looks up to his brother. From what I can tell, Lix—that’s what Ruby calls him—just dotes on Ruby. I think Ruby hero worships him, and it’s just the sweetest thing. I always wished I had a brother I was close to.”
Alka can’t stop smiling. Honestly, I think he’s even smiling in his sleep. What I love most about Alka being in love is that his happiness just spills over into everything he does, including when he’s with me. Yes, in the beginning, there will be parts of every day when he can’t stop talking about this new partner. He does so because this is his way of sharing the experience with me and keeping me involved.
This usually continues through my first few meetings with his new partner. I can typically tell by the way he’s talking about someone if I’m going to like them or not. Alka has a decent judgment of character, so it’s not usually an issue, but there have been moments when I’ve picked up on some red flags and we’ve had to have different conversations.
I love to view his partners through his eyes, though. It emphasizes what’s important to Alka. What makes this man attractive to him. It’s now been a week since they met, and they’ve spent a little of every day together. I’m not even sure that Alka realizes how much he likes this Ruby.
There’s something different about this one though, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. It sounds like he’s younger—mid-twenties, maybe. It doesn’t sound like they talk about anything… What’s the word? Real isn’t quite right, but maybe identifying. Like, Alka’s never mentioned what he does for a living. Where he lives. Or even his age.
Yet maybe it’s that lack of identifying factors that’s allowing them to build something deeper. Intimate. There’s just something about the way Alka talks about him that makes my heart excited.
I lean in closer and grip the back of his neck, so I can bring his mouth to mine. His words immediately stop. For a second, he remains a little startled, but then he relaxes into me. When I let his lips part mine, he says, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to talk about him so much.”
“Don’t be.” I kiss him again, and Alka sighs. “I love seeing you smitten. It’s my favorite form of Alka.”
He laughs, but his cheeks are flushed. He stares into my eyes as his smile slowly fades. “I’m a little afraid,” he says quietly.
I brush his cheek with my hand not holding him close. “Why, love?”
“I like him,” he says.
“I didn’t pick up on that.”
Alka rolls his eyes and bows his head a little. “I’m just…” He chews his lip for a minute. “You’re right, you know. I had definitely given up.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I was just…” He shakes his head and, after a moment, starts over. “I’m afraid that I’m so desperate for the life I’ve always known was mine that I’m projecting the kind of person I’m waiting for onto Ruby. What if he’s a serial killer in sheep’s clothing, but all I see is a demigod sent to Earth just for me?”
“Part of the reason I love listening to you talk about him is because I pick up on things that you might be overlooking. Just as I have in the past.”
He sighs. Alka shifts forward and rests his forehead on my shoulder. “You have pointed out some huge red flags before that I was absolutely too blinded by a pretty smile to see myself.”
“You love love,” I tell him. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Don’t let me fall for someone who’s bad for me,” he murmurs. “Don’t let me fall for someone who’s not right.”
“I won’t,” I promise.
“He feels right, but then, it’s only been a week, so I know thatI’m perpetuating what I want to happen right now. That’s not the word I want, but whatever.”
I smile and run my fingers through the hair at the base of his skull. Alka shifts closer still until he’s between my legs and curled against me.
“Thanks for always supporting me.”
“I will always support you,” I assure him. “Iwantyou to be in love. I want the family you want. I’m excited for it. Ruby sounds great, Alka. He truly does.”
He nods with short, subtle bobs of his head. “He does. Does that mean he’s too good to be true, though?”
