“I think you’re secretly a really good guy, Lemon.”
“I’m a queen.” I sniff. “Of course, I’m good.”
“You are,” he says, chuckling. “Even if you don’t want to believe it and do everything you can to hide it.”
I snort. “Hardly.”
I can feel his amusement. “Your kids are lucky to have you,” he says after a minute. “With a team that size, I bet it’s easy to get lost in the crowd. I’ve had a lot of coaches over the last three decades and I can count on one hand how many I’ve had who cared about me as an individual as you do your 112 kids. That makes you a good person, Lemon.”
“Just don’t tell anyone. It would ruin my image.”
He chuckles.
We don’t talk much after that. But we don’t move either. For the next fuck knows how long, we remain wrapped up in each other on a chair in the middle of my office. I find it hard to believe he could be touch starved. I’m not sure if maybe I am.
But I think we might share something in common. He’s been struggling on his own with this for a while and I always keep everything to myself. While I haven’t actually let him in, he’s seen through me to some extent.
So we sit here, finding comfort in confiding to each other, and it’s probably the most perfect afternoon I’ve ever had.
CHAPTER 22
HANSLEY
Lemon’s on to something with hugging. After the very long hug in his office today, I almost feel normal when I leave for practice. Honestly, I’d love to have blown off the rest of the day and stayed wrapped up in his arms to soak in his warmth and strength.
But I won’t jeopardize my team’s chances. They’re depending on me and I promised we were going to do big things this year. That means I show up. Always. No matter what I have going on. They come first.
However, as I stand to the side of the ice watching them, I think about what Lemon said. About knowing all his players so he can see when something is bothering them. When there’s something going on and maybe they need a little more support.
I spend the first several minutes just watching them and come to the conclusion that maybe I’ve been a little absent lately. Otherwise, I’d have seen that Hakeem and Seth definitely have something going on now. They tease and flirt and throw innuendos at each other while the rest of the team groans but is also amused.
Leo’s gotten quicker. His speed around the rink is impressive, as is his blade control. But his stick work, even as he just messes around, needs some help.
Damari is filled with smiles. It’s not just a good mood, but something bigger than that. Maybe he’s gotten good news or has accomplished something big.
Braxton is quiet today. I’m not sure if maybe he’s just tired or if there’s something going on in the bigger picture. I watch him for a long time, trying to decide if it’s one or the other. When I catch him yawn for the fourth time, I think maybe he’s just tired. I’m going to have to emphasize that proper sleep is a requirement of the job.
I continue to catalog my players, making mental notes about their appearance, performance, and personality today. I’m going to continue to do this so I can be a better coach to them. So I know when there’s something wrong.
We spend much of practice working on accuracy and agility drills. I don’t want to get too strenuous since we just came from a game yesterday and we’ll have another tomorrow. They need to save their energy and endurance. But these days between games are now for tightening up the loose ends that become revealed during games.
Once my team files out, I spend a while longer on the ice, just skating around. Wondering what I’m going to do with my life now. I spoke to my lawyer this morning to officially file for my divorce and offer everything that Jessica and I have in our name to her, with no compensation.
Part of me thinks that’s shit. This was the start of a life we were building together. And I don’t want any part of it. I’m trying to thrust it all at her instead of splitting it between us. It’s not that I want to forget it, or that it didn’t mean anything to me.
It’s just that she deserves our combined assets a lot more than I do. Not only because she’s only had passive incomecoming in since shortly after we got married (by her choice, since she wanted to stay home and take care of the house while I worked), but because she deserves those assets more than I do.
I destroyed this marriage. I hurt her.
It’s not like I’m going to be left with nothing. I have everything hockey related. Everything that came from my career or is because of my career. Jessica made sure that our prenups stated that whatever we came in with, we leave with. Whatever we make on our own, we keep on our own—such as all income from my current job, or any endorsements I may get now.
When my watch buzzes, letting me know that it’s getting late, I head for my office and peel my skates off. I’d already shut everything down before practice just so I didn’t have to worry about it after, as I knew I’d not be in the mood to. With my bag in hand, I head for the parking lot.
It’s dark but then, it is November, so it gets dark early. I haven’t stayed at home for the last two nights. I’ve been holed up in Alka’s guest room, per his insistence. He found me sitting in my truck at the grocery store two nights ago, once I left home after talking to Jessica, just staring off into space.
So yeah, that’s where I head. I have my truck because I couldn’t carry a suitcase on the back of my bike. And until I know where I’m going or what I’m going to do, having my clothes with me is important.
I miss the air grabbing at me as I drive down the street, though. Even having the windows open, it’s just not the same.
