We watch for the next few minutes as they make their way down the aisle, shooting petals into the audience. When they get to the end, they turn around and shoot toward us. The entire aisle becomes littered with petals. I swear I can see Gran wink at me as she and Gram make their way to their seats.
“This is wild,” Etna says. I meet his eyes and he’s grinning. A smile that I’m sure I mirror.
The music changes, becomes louder, which is our cue to walk.
“Ready to marry me?” Etna asks.
I don’t know why, but those four little words bring tears to my eyes. Emotion rushes through me and I have to hold my breath to keep it from spilling out. “Yes,” I answer, voice a little shaky.
His hand squeezes mine, and we head for the aisle. At first, I feel entirely overwhelmed. Everyone is looking at us. Watching our every step. Every breath. I can hear their whispers. The flashes of cameras.
Etna’s hand squeezes mine, and I glance in his direction. “Take a breath, Keno. It’s just you and me.”
And just like that, the world fades away, and it is just the two of us. “The only place I want to be,” I answer.
He smiles.
We reach the end and take our places in front of our officiant. Etna doesn’t release my hand, for which I’m grateful. I need the contact to ground me right now. It helps to keep the audience far in the distance. It encloses this little bubble that’s only the two of us.
“Please be seated.”
Okay, the three of us. Officiant Rose is in our bubble, too.
“On behalf of Keno and Etna, I would like to thank you all for being here this afternoon. We wish to thank you for wanting to witness their love as they promise their lives to each other in front of two hundred of their closest friends and family.”
A moment of quiet laughter rustles through the crowd.
“Whenever we attend a wedding, we are given the opportunity to reflect on our own relationships. We might look at the couple before us and be tempted to compare their friendship, laughter, and love to the quality of our own relationships. What we must remember is that every relationship is as unique as the individuals in it. But one thing holds true: For love to exist between two people, there must be trust and friendship above all else. No other force in this world is as strong.”
Etna’s smile climbs. I don’t know why, but I feel like I’m trapped in his eyes. Like I’m just floating, barely hearing these words I’ve read before, but feel brand new. Each one resonatesdeep, building upon the foundation that’s already spread between us.
“What is important when choosing your partner? It is not enough to love someone. A strong marriage cannot only be built on love. There must also be the freedom to be your authentic selves without fear of judgement or rejection. There must be an understanding that all involved are unique individuals and should remain their own person. There should be freedom to surrender to the vulnerability of true intimacy—to be known and loved unconditionally.”
I want to ask if Rose wrote these lines just for us. I feel like they’re part of our story. Weaving in front of us promises into our marriage. But with her next words, I know it’s almost my turn to speak. To declare my love and life to Etna in front of far more people than I’ve ever spoken in front of before. Which is why I barely hear the next several minutes as I ground myself and reinforce the bubble that comprises only the two of us.
“Throughout time, millions of people from every culture and civilization have gathered among friends and families to celebrate their love and commitment to each other. Each culture has symbols and rituals to celebrate marriage. Today we should try to remember that a wedding is a symbol. It is not the foundation of a relationship—one that already existed before today. This ceremony is not magic, it will not create a relationship that does not already exist. What we are celebrating today is not the beginning of a marriage, but a love-already-in-progress. This ceremony is a symbol of Keno and Etna’s love, a symbol of the promises they will continue to make to each other throughout their lives together.
“Look at one another and remember this moment in time.”
I’m already looking at Etna, I haven’t taken my eyes off of him. And though she promised there is no magic in ceremonies,it feels as if twinkling stars gather around us, getting bright and more prominent with each word.
“Before this moment you have been many things to one another—co-worker, best friend, fiancé. Now you shall say a few words that will allow you to level up your relationship. After these vows, you shall say to the world, this is my husband. Saying these words with hundreds of witnesses might be difficult, but nothing is more difficult than living them day to day. When you love someone, you do not love them all the time in exactly the same way. Yet that is what is expected of marriage. As in life, there is an ebb and flow of love and of relationships. We insist on permanence, on duration, on continuity. But in love, the only stability is in change, growth, and freedom. This is why marriage isn’t a guarantee. It is a symbol of the life you’re already living.
“Having considered this, Etna, do you promise to do your very best each day to create a loving, healthy, and happy marriage?”
Etna’s smile is soft. Filled with love. Filled with a promise that’s all for me. “I do,” he says.
“Keno, do you promise to do your very best each day to create a loving, healthy, and happy marriage?”
I thought this was where I’d get nervous. It’s a big commitment. Huge. But then again, I’ve been committed to this man since our eyes first met. “I do.”
“Now, please declare your wedding vows to each other.”
Oh fuck. Thankfully, we agreed that Etna’s going first. Although, since I’m already feeling like I can’t breathe, maybe that’s not a good thing.
“One of the first thoughts I had upon meeting you was that I could never imagine my life without you in it again. Already, within that first month, you irrevocably changed my life. I couldn’t remember what I did day-to-day before you. As thedays carried on, our lives became more and more intertwined in ways that, in hindsight, should have been far more telling than we were willing to see. Our friends teased us for acting like a married couple and, being the dumb hockey players that we are”—Etna glances at Edna with a smirk—“we never picked up on the hints they were giving us. Falling into this relationship wasn’t a big change. It wasn’t difficult. There were no challenges. You were always meant to be here. In my life, by my side, on the ice with me—my best friend, my lover, and now my husband. Falling in love with you has been the easiest thing I’ve ever done and the thing I’m proudest of. Not just because you make it easy to love you, but because I’ve loved you from the moment we met. I simply didn’t realize it at the time.”
Maybe I should have gone first. I’m not a huge crier; I’m not sure when the last time I cried was. But I wipe tears from my eyes and take a breath. I’ve memorized this like my life depends on it, but somehow, all the words are swimming around in my head like canned vegetable soup—squishy, fat letters that are missing far too many vowels to make proper words.
