“Eesh,” he says and leans back against the vanity to watch me dump out my gear.
“So…” I’m not sure why I’m so nervous to talk about this. “Remember the girl I told you about? The one I’ve been texting with?” I ask as I start to fill the tub, checking the temperature. You should never use hot water so I use tepid. Like baby bath water.
“Yeah.”
“We talked for a long time last night.” I peek at him over my shoulder. Torin is chewing his bottom lip, not looking at me. “We’re going to meet tomorrow. A date.” My nerves make my stomach feel tight and heavy. Like there’s something far too big there and it’s pressing against everything. Making my skin and muscles feel like they’re competing for space in my body.
I reach under the sink and pull out the detergent and oxi-shit. It’s been longer than I usually go between washing this set, so I definitely want to use all the goods. This is a way to distract myself at any rate, since I don’t know why I’m so nervous to tell Torin.
“That’s good,” he says.
“Yes,” I agree.
The truth is, I’ve been kind of waffling, but I don’t know why.It seemed like a fantastic idea while I was talking to her last night, but this morning, my one and only thought was Torin. Since I woke up, I haven’t understood why I was feeling so weird about this now.
Why would Torin care who I go on a date with? Why does it bother me that maybe I’m doing something wrong?
“I’m taking her to Antonio’s,” I add, already regretting that decision. That’smyplace. What if this date goes horribly bad? Then I have that memory to contend with there. I’d rather keep it to myself.
“She’ll love the food,” he says.
The tub is about halfway filled when I begin pushing my pads into the water. Like a burger, you have to soak on both sides, so I’ll leave them like this for a while.
Getting to my feet, I look at Torin as I walk by him and back toward the foyer where my clothes are. Now, I know you’re not supposed to wash suits in the washing machine, but these are off the rack cheapies, and they’re required. Not something comfortable that I love. I hate wearing a suit. I look frumpy and exposed in them.
Yes, I’m exposed in everything I wear, but that’s why I’ve made the conscious decision to only wear sweats when I can help it. That’s within my control. It’s a choice.
When wearing something that you’re supposed to look dapper and sophisticated in… an outline of your fat dick kind of ruins the look. So I wash my suit pants since they’re nothing special.
When the washer is going, I finally turn to face Torin, having run out of reasons to avoid his eyes. “Is that okay?” I ask. I kind of hope he says no.
His eyebrows knit together, and he glances at the washer. “I think most people would tell you that those clothes should be dry cleaned,” he says.
At first, I’m confused. But then I realize he’s not been in my head for the past few minutes, and I grin. I yank him by his hand toward me and hug him again. “Want to cuddle for a while?”
Torin sighs. “Yes. Definitely.”
I’m hungry, but not so hungry that I’d rather eat than cuddle with Torin right now. So I drag him upstairs and into the den that’sbecome ours, then pin him between my body and the couch. My entire body relaxes when I’m wrapped around Torin. I love everything about this.
“Is it okay if I have a date?” I ask.
“Why do you think I should have an opinion on that?” Torin counters.
That’s a good question and I really don’t know. “I’m unsure if it’s a good idea,” I admit. “What if…” What if it goes well and I’m not supposed to cuddle with Torin anymore? Does the potential that it might affect our relationship justify him having an opinion? “I don’t know,” I say eventually.
His leg hikes up mine and I snuggle in a little tighter. I’m not surprised to feel his dick half hard. Hell, mine is too. I love how we’re so alike in that way. It would be super awkward if only one of us had a badly behaved dick that liked to be hard during cuddles. But since we’re both a little hard, it makes it okay. We’re the same in that.
Probably. Online says it’s not normal to get hard with your friends all the time. I explain that away because what you read online isn’t always true. Especially when it says you’re definitelynotsupposed to cuddle with your friends either. There’s a meme that advocates for normalizing platonic cuddles. I agree with that. This is a platonic cuddle, right? It’s platonic because we’re friends and not lovers. That’s my understanding, anyway.
“I think if you really like her, then yes. But… just… go in with an open mind.”
I’m not sure what that means, but I nod. “Okay.” Itisokay. I’m allowed to date. Maybe I’m so… uneasy about it because I’ve never dated before…? This is my first ever date! At twenty-eight. Should that be concerning?
“Maybe I shouldn’t go,”I blurt.
Torin chews his lip as he looks at me. At first, I think he’s going to agree, but then he looks… determined? Resolved. “You should go,” he says.
I’m not sure why that makes my heart hurt. Of course, he should want me to go. Friends encourage friends, right?
