Me
I’m still not tired. I need to unwind for a bit longer. If you’re not tired, we can talk for a while.
Hugo
I’d like that. I imagine what your voice sounds like sometimes. I bet it’s sweet and soft.
I huff because he’s right about at least half of that. I do generally talk quietly.
We spend a long time texting. Not for the first time, I think about how amazing this man is. He’s effortlessly sweet and thoughtful. So easy to talk to. Maybe I should have pulled away, but it’s still me behind the texts. I’m authentically me. Unscripted.
I keep thinking that hopefully, if he likes ‘girl in text’ Torin as well as shy awkward Torin who spends the night and jerks off with him in the shower like it’s no big deal, then Hugo will realize helikesme. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for. With every single fiber of my being, that’s what I’m hoping for.
Chapter Fifteen
HUGO
“That was stupid,”I mutter at the screen as one of my virtual teammates walks right into the spray of machine gun fire. Why do I even play this game?
“Hugo?”
“Hmm,” I answer Winny.
They’re all over my house today—Winny, Noah, Atty, and Egon. No husbands or boyfriends or girlfriends. Just the five of us. I’ve missed this.
“You all right?”
Frowning, I pause the game and twist to look at him. “Why do you keep asking me that? What do you need me to say so you believe that I’m fine?”
“We hear your words, but you’ve been very… different this last month,” Noah explains.
“How so?” I ask, shifting so I can lean against the coffee table to look at him.
“For starters, you haven’t asked a single question that’s made us all wince,” Noah says.
I sag a little. “I’m trying to do better.”
He gets up and crawls across the coffee table to land on the floor next to me. Noah leans in, resting affectionately against my back. This is as close to a hug as Noah gives and makes me smile.
“I don’t mean that in a bad way. I just mean you’ve been really quiet lately. You rarely come out with us.”
“You haven’t been to my house in over a month,” Winny says. “You really sure you don’t mind me seeing Dana?”
“What kind of friend would I be if I changed my mind now?” I challenge.
“You’re a great person,” Winny insists, “and I’ve always been of the mind that you’re kind of self-sacrificing, so I wouldn’t expect you to tell me if it did bother you if you thought telling me it didn’t would make me happy.”
I’ll be honest. He’s not wrong, I probably would. “Fine. But that’s not the case. I really don’t remember Dana and I kind of feel like a shitty person for not remembering her. It’s one thing that I don’t remember bringing her to Atty’s when I remember so much of that afternoon because we were getting to know Coach, but you said we hung out with her several times since and Winny,I don’t remember her!”
He grins. “It’s not a big deal.”
“But it is. What kind of person am I that brings a date somewhere and can’t remember her?! It’s super shitty.”
“She doesn’t care.”
“She says that, but how do you think it makes her feel?” I demand.
He doesn’t argue, so I think maybe he understands what I’m trying to say.
