“It’s not just that. You’re all coupled up and I’m not, so it feels weird being the lone wheel when you all have your people with you. Not because of anything you do, but it just feels like… I’m not…” I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say right now. I rub my face and drop it onto the table I’m leaning on.
Noah’s arm wraps around me and yep, they feel bad for me now. Great.
“I’m sorry,” Atty says. “We didn’t realize?—”
“No, don’t,” I argue, picking my head up. “I want you to be happy. I’m happy you’re happy. And I love that you all found someone to love. I just… don’t fit in with the couples sometimes. When it was me, and Atty and Winny, it was different, but then Atty met Toby and they got married and now that all of you are with someone… I just feel out of place sometimes. That’s all.”
“So when you hesitated in hanging out until I said just the five of us…” Winny says, “that’s why.”
It wasn’t the only reason why. Torin was here and I don’t think he’s ready to hang around with everyone when so much attention would be on him. But he heard the conversation and insisted he needed to go home for a while, which I don’t think was the truth.
“You used to bring girls with you,” Egon adds. “I haven’t actually seen you take a girl home in quite some time.”
I shrug. “Haven’t been into it.” Their silent stares say they expect more than that. I sigh. “Okay fine. I… have been talking to someone.”
All four faces flash big smiles my way.
“Hugo Bladen talking to a single person!” Noah exclaims.
“Well, not exactly.” My skin flushes under their scrutiny. “Two people, actually. I just… it feels different with them both and I kind of like the way they both make me feel, and I’m not sure how to choose.”
“Who says you need to choose?” Egon asks.
“Don’t I?”
“No,” he says, laughing. “You know the Buffalo trio? They really are three men together in real life. Not just on the team.”
Oh. Yeah, I hadn’t thought about that. “What if they don’t want to be in a three-way relationship? That’s probably not what they’re called, huh?”
Noah laughs. “They prefer thruple, but at least Ethan would find the humor in three-way.”
“I forgot you’re friends with them,” I admit, shifting to look at him a little better.
Noah nods, shrugging. “We’re gay. That means we’re all friends.” The way his eyes are hooded, and the tone of his voice means something. Especially when Atty snickers.
“He’s being facetious,” Winny says. “It’s a comment on how the professional leagues push all the ‘gay guys’ together and parades them around like trophies of inclusivity.”
“Huh.” I look at Atty. “They do that to you too?”
Atty nods, shrugging. “Less than they’d like, I think. L.A. isquiet as far as broadcasting their inclusivity for the LGBTQIA+ community is concerned. Their focus is hockey.”
“As it should be,” Noah says.
Atty nods again. “Buffalo’s PR guy is a treat, from what I understand. He was incensed when Caulder refused to make some big speech or conduct a whole bunch of interviews when he came out. This guy was apparently super irritated when Caulder said he wasn’t going to be involved in the ‘Gays Can Play’ initiative.”
“Why?”
“Caulder’s stance is that he just wants to be an athlete,” Noah explains. “Not a gay athlete, just an athlete.”
“He knows it’s important to see successful gay figures in all walks of life, it was very important to him growing up. We went to college together; we played on the same hockey team. I remember how upset it made him when he announced he was just signed with Rigo of Pride Sports and the first question thrown at him was ‘isn’t that the agent that just signed the gay football player?’ I get it. Can you imagine just being the gay hockey player to someone? That what they remember most about you is your sexuality?” Egon says, shaking his head.
“That really happened?” I ask, appalled.
Egon nods. “I was there. Caulder told me first. A couple teammates came in and when Caulder shared his news, that was the first question asked. The first comment. I think it felt more like a blow to Caulder than it did a huge milestone when that’s the reaction he received.”
“That’s awful,” I say.
“The life of a queer,” Noah mutters. He’s still leaning against me. He even rests his head against mine.
