I nod. Fuck, is it that obvious? What must he think of me?
“I do too. I only last out here for a song or two. Just focus on me, okay?”
“I don’t know how to dance,” I tell him, feeling even more stupid. I’m thankful for the dim lighting because I may just burst into flames with how hot my skin is.
Noah grins. “That’s okay. Just keep looking at me and let me move your body. Okay?”
I nod. His hands rest on my hips. Every time my eyes flickerelsewhere, he guides my attention back to him. It works. I’m still very,veryaware of the people around us,but I’m not going to pass out. Noah is crisp and clear. Right in front of me. I can feel him. His hands on me are steady. Strong. They’re keeping me safe.
“How do you do this with anxiety?” I ask.
Noah leans in, bringing me closer. The added sensation of his smell makes me relax a little more. I’m not comfortable at all, but I feel okay. “I know my friends are here, and my boyfriend is here if I hit a wall. Usually it only happens when I’m taken off guard, now. When I’m surrounded by strangers. Otherwise, I have tools to deal with it for moments like this when I want to dance, even knowing I’m going to be surrounded by strangers.”
“What tools? Share them.”
He laughs. “I am. I’m right here. You’re still on your feet. I’m your sole focus and you know you’re safe with me.”
He’s not wrong. I rest my forehead on his shoulder for a minute. “Thanks. I’ve never… gone to a bar before.”
“I can tell,” he says. I hear the smile in his voice. It doesn’t feel judgmental or anything.
A body comes in close, and I tense to the point where my lungs seize. Noah steps back and I find Hugo hovering at our sides. I’m both elated and shaking when he joins us. Noah brings me between them and my skin is melting off. I’m positive about that. Especially when Hugo’s hands land on my hips.
“Just us,” Noah reminds me, probably misinterpreting why I’m suddenly breathing heavily again.
Thankfully, we don’t stay on the dance floor much longer. Noah says his threshold for being surrounded by that many people is short. I’m relieved to the point where I could cry. I’m glad for that experience. Now I can say I danced at the bar. But I don’t ever want to do it again.
I’m even more thankful when Hugo announces he’s ready to leave not ten minutes later. I take that as permission for me to leave too and follow. I’ve never been more thankful for an empty, dark parking lot than I am right now.
Chapter Thirteen
HUGO
This is nowthe fourth night Torin’s spent at my place. I’m glad he’s here. A strange feeling came over me last night when I saw him dancing with Noah. The way my chest burned and how I was clenching my teeth so tightly my jaw hurt. It got so bad I found myself on the dance floor just to be close to him.
It was ridiculous because I dance with Noah all the time. I’ve never felt that way before. I’m not sure what it means. But as I sat with Torin at the table after, I could feel the way he shivered and basically curled in on himself. This wasn’t a place for him.
Why did he even come? Did I make him feel guilty when I told him I wished he were there? The thought that could be the reason ate at me until I decided it was time to go. Torin didn’t put up any arguments and followed me out.
I hugged him tightly last night. Probably too tight. Could he even breathe? He put himself in that situation and I’m sure it’s because of me, somehow. I didn’t know how to ask him, though. Winny’s warnings to think before I speak had me tongue tied, and I never got the words out. Fear that I’d hurt his feelings or make a gross presumption kept me silent.
We spent the day together today. Not doing anything special. I did some laundry and Torin wore some of my clothes so I could add his to my wash. Especially since he agreed to stay again tonight when I asked him.
I’ve never had slumber parties. Even as a kid, I’ve never had friends where this was comfortable. Who I could cuddle without it being construed as weird or inappropriate. Even as much as I love my friends on my team, I can’t imagine any of them cuddling with me like Torin does.
He’s already in bed when I come out of the bathroom. For a minute, I look at him and try to imagine one of my other friends laying there. Waiting for me. Would Noah have? I can’t imagine he would. I know Atty and Egon wouldn’t. They’re both married. I can definitely understand why that would be inappropriate.
But what about Winny? He’s always given me hugs. Not long hugs like Torin, but he’s always been attentive to what I need. He doesn’t just look out for me when I’m liable to say something that’s going to cause a mess, but even when it’s just the two of us. I’m learning to stop and think, even when it’s difficult to do so.
The question still remains—would he cuddle with me? Would he have spent the night and cuddled with me if I asked? As much as I love Winny, I don’t think he would. That’s just not our friendship.
Taking a breath, I flick off the light to the bathroom and crawl into bed. Torin doesn’t even care that I’m naked. I’d have worn shorts if he was uncomfortable. I probably would have even bought some underwear if it would have made him feel better.
No, Winny wouldn’t cuddle with me like this. And you know… I wouldn’t want him to. This is just a me and Torin thing.
“Hi,” he whispers when I haven’t moved from hovering over him.
I’m probably staring at him like a creep. Smiling, I say, “Sorry,” and lay down on top of him. I love how perfectly he fits my body. He’s only a couple inches shorter than me, I think. Not much. But I swear, he’s like half my size. Which means when I wrap around him, I can consume him entirely. I absolutely love it. I love how he fits against me.
