Concentrating on my movements and breathing the clean-ish fresh air, I hand him my driver’s license. He takes a minute to look at it, shining his flashlight on it and tilting it this way and that. Then he hands it back.
“Welcome to PJ’s,” he says and steps aside.
I move forward and stop just inside the door. It’s so damn loud.There are so many bodies! My muscles tense as I stare. I adjust my shirt since it’s become strangely uncomfortable all of a sudden. My hand grips the hem of it as I stare into the horror I’m about to put myself through.
“You okay, man?” the bouncer asks.
Swallowing to try to force down the anxiety, I nod. I rub the back of my neck as I glance back at him. “I’m meeting my friends here,” I say, unsure if he can hear my quiet voice over the noise.
“Yeah?”
I nod. “My team is here somewhere.” He probably doesn’t believe me. I definitely don’t look like a hockey player. Maybe a chess player. This would be an interesting place for a chess club to meet.
“Hockey team?” he asks.
I nod again.
He studies me. “If you walk straight in, about halfway to the back, take a right. They usually sit at a table right around there.”
The tension in my shoulders lessens slightly now that I don’t have to hunt for them. “Thank you.”
He smiles, inclines his head. It still takes me several minutes to convince myself to move inside. During that time, half a dozen people show up and I have to step to the side to let them in. But finally, I catch the tail wind of the last girl who sashayed in and used it as a guiding line.
But the further I walk in, the louder it gets. The darker it gets. I grip my elbow with my arm across my body and try not to look around. Seeing all the people will only make it worse. I concentrate on the girl in front of me, following exactly in her footsteps. Imagining that I’m siphoning some of her confidence.
She veers to the left and I stop abruptly. The bouncer said to the right.Oh god,I internally whine. Taking a right, maybe too soon, I finally let my eyes sweep the area. Thankfully, a group of big hockey players is easy to spot.
“Torin!” Toby calls. Even over the noise, I recognize his voice.
He’s grinning as he waves to me. It makes the entire table look in my direction, but my eyes lock on Hugo’s. He spots me and his smile is beaming. Wide. Excited. He’s happy to see me.
I hurry across the space and stand at the table. “Hi,” I say, tryingnot to stare at Hugo right now, but take everyone in. I manage. Kind of. But my gaze darts around often, always coming back to Hugo because he’s safe.
Before I can round the table to sit with him, Noah’s off his chair. “Hey, wanna dance?”
My eyes widen.
He grins. “It’s cool if you don’t want to. The only one willing to dance with me is Hugo and I usually lose him quickly to girls.”
“I dance with you!” Toby says indignantly.
“Until Atty gets jealous and steals you away.”
“I don’t get jealous,” Atty argues. “I just get…”
Noah watches him, waiting for an answer.
“Okay fine, but it’s not the bad kind of jealous.”
Noah rolls his eyes and turns back to me. I’m crazy, or sick. I must be absolutely out of my mind because I nod. Noah smiles and grabs my hand. He waves to the table behind him and I glance back, giving Hugo a desperate look. He’s watching me, still smiling, but he gives me a nod. I’m not sure what that means. Telling me I’m safe with Noah? That he understands I’m going to lose my mind here in a minute?
My brain short-circuits as bodies press against me on all sides. I can’t catch my breath. Oh fuck. Oh shit.
Noah finds us a spot and turns me around, pulling me against him. Not flush, but close. The room spins, even as I can’t trulyseeanything. My body feels like it’s tingling.
Noah’s hands rest on either side of my face, blocking off my peripheral vision and making me look at him. He’s concerned, though I can barely register that.
“You have anxiety around crowds, huh?” he asks.
