Ren doesn’t answer my rant. It’s more than just that. I’m always pulled in different directions with everyone having a different opinion about which choice is best. My father alone has like eight opinions on any one thing and no matter which I choose, it’s going to be the wrong one.
It’s always the wrong one!
I just don’t want to think anymore. Why can’t I justactand somehow pick the right thing for once?
“You need a controlled environment. Don’t you?” Ren asks. “Someone to take that pressure off your shoulders.”
A sob almost breaks free because finally someone gets it. “Yes,” I admit, relieved. “Why is it so hard to make everyone happy?”
“I don’t think you should be worried about everyone else, Fel. What’s going to make you happy?”
I laugh, and it’s not happy. “Apparently the one thing I find enjoyment in besides hockey is the wrong way to be happy.”
Another minute passes.
“How about this: do you trust me to help you make decisions for a while?”
My head comes off the back of the couch as I turn to stare at him. “What?”
“I come from a family with a lot of high expectations, so I’m used to that pressure. Although I admit my family is a lot more supportive than yours from the sounds of it. I’m allowed to make mistakes and I’m not sure you are.”
I shake my head. I’m really, truly not. If my father could whip my ass with his belt as he did when I was a child, he would.
“We will talk about things that stress you. When something comes up, we’ll discuss it. And then we can come to a decision together.”
“Like guidance,” I murmur, trying out the word. The idea.
“Yes, but less guidance than it is helping you to think about it thoroughly and identifying what it is you want. What’s best for you. And then having the confidence to make it happen.”
I liked the idea better when it was less… open. Turning back to the ceiling, I think about what he’s offering. That’s better than me floundering on my own. “I really just want to be told what the best thing to do is,” I mutter, more to myself than to Ren. I didn’t really mean to say it out loud.
“What’s right for one person isn’t always right for another,” Ren says.
He’s not wrong. I know that. I nod because I think having guidance will definitely help me function in a less chaotic, stressed way than my current method. Which is basically just pushing it off the more someone—like my father—presses its importance.
Over and over and over! As if I don’t know. Constantly telling me I need to make a decision isn’t helpful. For me, it’s far more detrimental.
“You want to try it?” Ren asks.
I nod. “Yes. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. How about we take a break for today and we can talk about when you get your contracts. I’m not a contract lawyer, but I make a habit of understanding what’s in my contracts and asking when something isn’t clear, so I’m familiar with them.”
The idea of having his help on them makes me take a deep breath. Finally. “Yes,” I agree. “Yes, please!”
“Good. Let me know when you have them. What else do you need to decide on right now? What’s the next most pressing thing?”
How to live! I’m apparently doing it all wrong. Like, when he leaves here, what am I supposed to be doing then?
I shake my head because that doesn’t seem like something he’s asking about. He wants important issues. My day-to-day life is probably not what he’s signing up for. “I don’t know.”
“Then we’ll play it by ear. Let me know when you have something else.”
“Okay.”
“Can I give you some unsolicited advice, Felton?” I shift my head to look at him and nod. “Don’t let your father talk to you like that. The only reason he does is because you let him. Set some boundaries for yourself. No one is going to do that for you and if you don’t make them respect your boundaries, they won’t.”
That’s really good advice. There’s also no way I’m going to be able to do that.
