SEVEN
REN
I thinkabout Felton a lot after I leave his house. While I’ve never made it a habit of watching Felton, not more so than I watch the rest of my teammates, I have always noted that there are days when he comes to work stressed. Burdened.
It’s easy to write off those moments as being part of the job. To some degree, we all feel like the game can be determined by any single one of us. If I just did that better. If I didn’t lose the puck. If my shot was just an inch higher, I’d have made that goal. If I hadn’t been stuck against the board with that player, I’d have been able to help defend the goal.
There’s always a lot of ifs. This is a team sport, all the way. But in a lot of ways, it’s also an individual sport. We’re always fighting for our position. Goalies might be more hardcore competitors than all. After all, only one goalie is on the ice each game and they rarely trade out. Whereas there are three offensive players and two defensive players on the ice at all times. Yes, we trade out, but that means we have less time to prove our worth. It’s both more and less pressure.
A goalie sits in his net for an hour. More than an hour. That entire time, every move they make, they’re scrutinized and judged.
So yeah, I thought Felton’s burden was always his job. He’s a great goalie. No one will argue that. And normally, he’s in a very good mood. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when the pressure and stress will get to you.
Now I recognize it for what it is. It’s not game pressure, it’s outside pressure. And the one thing he’s found that relieves some of that pressure has now had a very negative impact on his life.
It’s reckless of him, he has to know that. I still can’t fathom why he thought it was a good idea. He had to have known that if it came out—and fuck knows that shit always will—then he was risking everything.
I’ve now seen the toll of the pressure he’s been put under. To him, that risk was worth it. It was the one bright spot in his life.
I won’t pretend to understand or relate. We’re very different kinds of people. But his emotions were very, very real. He’s struggling. The fact he has a smile on his face most days and is such a nice guy with that weight on his shoulders is astounding to me.
Kroy drops into the chair across from me with a grin. He’s the last to arrive. He usually is. Even when we tell him to be somewhere an hour before we intend to be, he’s always the last one.
“What’s up, man?” Kroy asks, slapping his hand with Zenia’s. “How’s hockey?”
We three hockey players give him a demure look, to which Kroy grins. “Okay, so I’m not oblivious to the news. What the fuck is going on there?”
Denny sighs, shaking his head. “Word is, he’ll be coming back. They can’t actuallyprovethat it’s him and I guess it’s not,like, so scandalous that they’re going to involve lawyers to prove it is. But I think they’re only going to let him play out his contract and then wash their hands of him.”
I frown, turning to look at him. “Who said that?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, but it’s constantly being whispered.”
The thing is, it sounds like it lines up with what Felton was told. I don’t repeat this, obviously. He’s told me a lot and I plan to keep it in confidence. But I hate that he’s going to be coming back to these whispers.
Who am I kidding? He’s probably already heard them.
It’s been nearly twenty-four hours since I left his house, and I haven’t heard from him. Not that I expected to. We agreed that he’d call me when something big came up. When there was something that required his immediate attention.
Like contracts.
“Who do you guys have for agents?” I ask.
“Pride Sports,” they say in unison.
I look between them.
“I liked their inclusivity,” Denny says, shrugging. “They stand for good things. I also liked their presentation and so far, they’ve gone above and beyond what they claim they’d do. Without prompting.”
“I have a gay sister,” Zenia adds. “She said I should go with Pride because they have a great mission statement and put their money where their mouth is. So I did.”
“Why?” Carson asks.
I shake my head. “Curious.”
“Who do you have?” Denny asks.
“Tyson & Taylor.”
