“Yes.”
“In that case…what were you thinking, exactly?”
And so, while my heart shatters, I hear myself suggesting a new arrangement: for Oliver to be not only assigned to my service alone during my stay here, but to sit with me at meals, to share my bed, to bemine.
But he won’t be mine. Not really. Not in thisreal lifehe keeps referencing. I want to put a permanent collar around his throat, a sign to the world that he belongs to me, and me alone. I want to makethatthe reality.
But I can’t.
“That sounds really great,” he says. I can tell by his tone and his smile that he means it, and it doesn’t help.
He wants me only for the short-term.
WhileIam beginning to wonder if I can live without him.
CHAPTER28
Oliver
Ifeel bad about heading off the conversation Elliot obviously wanted to have, but it’s for the best.
It’snotlike there’s any future for us.
As much as I wish there was, I’m a realist. He’s going back to England, and I couldn’tbearsomething long distance. It was hard enough being away from him for a few nights. If we got serious…moreserious…
No, I couldn’t do it. Not from a distance. It would kill me.
Maybe I’m an all-or-nothing guy, but I’ve never felt this way before about any of the LA Doms I’ve played with. If I can’t have Elliot full-time, 24/7, I’d rather just…
Stay miserable, I guess.
Having him short-term? It’s better than nothing. Iunderstandshort-term relationships. It’s the heart of my work at the Bellamy: to make everything perfect for our guests for a specific, limited period of time. My past relationships have been exactly the same. Expectations clear. Expiration date also clear.
I can keep my heart under wraps if Iknowit’s short-term. I can make sure I don’t catch feelings…or at least, no deeper than I have already.
So when Zee and Nik call me into Nik’s study to have a discussion the next morning, I’m more than happy to agree to changes to the contract that I signed, which will elevate my position fromhousehold staff membertoselect personal submissiveto Elliot for the duration of his—and my—stay.
Both Zee and Nik are at pains to make it clear that I don’t have to do it. “The thing is,” I tell them, “I thought I could handle juggling working here with work at the Bellamy. But it’s just not possible. I don’t want to endanger my career. So when Lord Arden suggested this, it seemed like a pretty great compromise. It’s actually very thoughtful of him.”
“Yes, perhaps,” Nik says slowly. “We just want to make sure that you don’t feel pressured into anything or—”
“Definitely not. AndIjust want to make sure it’s not making even more work for the staff, having me as a kind of extra guest.”
“That’s very sweet of you,” Zee says, “but please don’t worry about it. Nik will sort it out. However, if I may…” I nod for her to go ahead, curious. “I was under the impression that Lord Arden was going to suggest taking things even further in your relationship.”
“Oh, I think he was going to,” I say, with a poor attempt at a chuckle. “But when I pointed out how difficult it would be, the long-distance thing, he agreed that the short-term would be best.”
There’s another silence after I finish, and I’m starting to wonder exactly what has been going on behind the scenes that I don’t know about.
“You know, when Nik and I first got together,” Zee says, “we had to find a way to make long-distance work. He was often overseas with work. And I don’t think any relationship worth having iswithoutcompromise. With enough perseverance and goodwill from both parties—”
“Sure,” I say, beginning to feel a little defensive. “But at some point, it’d have to stop being long-distance and start being anactualrelationship, right? The guy’s an English aristocrat. Hishomeis there, and he can’t keep traveling back and forth. And as for me, mycareeris here. I’ve been working my ass off to get this promotion, and I’m nearly there. I can’t throw it all away just because I had a couple of really amazing weeks with…” I fade out as I begin to find myself a little less convinced of my own position. “It just wouldn’t work out,” I say in the end.
“It’s none of our business anyway,” Nik says, when Zee looks as though she’s about to try convincing me again.
I don’t say what I’m thinking, which isNo, it’s fucking not. Instead, I turn my attention back to the contracts and the changes, and start initialing them. “I can’t say I’ll be sorry to give up dusting,” I admit. “There are things about service submission that I like, and then there are the bits that don’t do anything for me. Plus, if I never have to smell shoe polish again, I’ll be a happy man.”
At that, at least, they both laugh.
