“Myfeelingshave nothing to do with anything,” I tell her. “I need a service sub, and Oliver is certainly the most suited to me, but he has limited time. I don’t see why thereshouldbe any problem. He told me the caveats that he had in coming to work here in the household, and I’m simply trying to work within those limits.”
“Can’t you see,” Zee says carefully, “that it’s Oliver we are thinking of? We brought him into the household under certain expectations. But you seem to be going well beyond… I just don’t want him to get hurt. Or y—”
“I canassureyou,” I rush in, “I have been nothing but ethical in my approach to my relationship with Oliver.”
Zee’s voice changes, a hint of iron in the smooth contralto. “But that’s the issue, Elliot. Itisn’ta relationship—not in the sense that I think you mean. If the nature of the connection between you has changed—”
I drop my knife and fork down, clattering them loudly against the plate. “Would you like me to send for him now? He could serve us tea and coffee, if you’re so desperate to see him in service. He’ll tell you himself that he’s agreed to everything.”
“Elliot.” Niklaus has reached exasperation. “That’s not at all what we mean, and you damn well know it.”
My temper is rising, so I pause before I say something I regret. “I should apologize,” I say at last. “I was very rude. You’re quite right. The fact is…Ihavecome to think of Oliver as more than just a member of your staff.”
“But Elliot,” Zee says at once, with a wide, lovely smile, “that’s fantastic news. I’m so happy for you. We didn’t realize that you felt that way. We can certainly change Oliver’s contract, make arrangements for him and for you—if that’s the way youbothfeel.”
“Well, perhaps,” I say vaguely. “Perhaps.”
Because I didn’t realize that I felt that way myself until I said it just now. And I can’t take the words back. I’m not used to airing my emotions in public, although I refuse to feel ashamed of them.
But Zee and Niklaus—and my off-the-cuff, defensive reaction—have given me a lot to think about.
* * *
Oliver notices a change in my demeanor during our walk, and our now-inevitable destination of the maze. It’s fully decorated by now, like a childish funhouse version of scares—full of webs and fake spiders and grinning, plastic jack-o’-lanterns. Nothing that would ever actually terrify. It’s all in fun.
I think again about Zee’s quiet discussion with me on the first night I disallowed Oliver’s public punishment.This weekend is supposed to be fun, Elliot. Light-hearted.
It seemed impossible for my heart to ever feel light again. But these days—
“You’ve been even quieter than usual this morning,” Oliver says as we make our way through the hedges. The maze holds no shadows at all for me these days. Oliver has completely chased away the haunted feeling that I used to get in this part of the grounds.
“I’m usually quiet when I’m in the middle of composing,” I say after a moment, but perhaps he’s right. I’ve been distracted during my work session this morning, and my distraction has been Oliver himself. Not that he has been taking my taking my attention away on purpose; it’s just that I can’t stop thinking about what blurted out of me this morning at breakfast.
After our discussion, Zee and Niklaus suggested that they speak to Oliver themselves, to ensure that he has his protections in place, and welcomes my attentions as much as I want to give them. I agreed, because there seemed nothing else for it. So at some point, Niklaus is going to summon Oliver for a meeting…
And I feel I should give poor Oliver a warning before it happens.
If he doesnotfeel the way that I do, then I don’t want to embarrass him.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I say hesitantly, as we make our way through the maze, straight to Ganymede and the eagle.
“What is it, my lord? Are you having trouble with the music again?”
“No, not at all,” I say, a little befuddled. “The music is wonderful. It’s the one thing that seems to be going well.” Just as well, since that deadline is so close. And just as well for Arden Hall.
“If it goes well, maybe you’ll stay in LA a little longer?” he suggests.
I give a shout of laughter. “Good God, I hope not. No, I’m afraid my work in this part of the world is purely mercenary. Once I’ve collected my ill-gotten gains, I’ll be leaving.”
“Oh.”
I wish once again that I could see his face, since I can’t read his tone. “The music is going very well, Oliver,” I reiterate softly, “and that’s down to you.”
“Well, that’s not true. You’re the one composing. AllIdo is sit there at your feet.”
I stop him, my throat tight. “Dear heart, don’t you realize? That’s whatenablesthe music. The knowledge that you are there, content and cared for.”
After a pause, he says, “Cared for?”
