But as I looked up into his face and saw only pity and care shining back at me, I began to wonder. Would I even know romantic love if I felt it? I’d never felt it before. I’d taken great care toavoidfeeling it, because in my case it would be doubly sinful.
First because I was gay. And second because I’d been called to the priesthood.
“Don’t say that,” I told Teo. He’d already moved on, tidying up the cardboard boxes of our dinner sandwiches.
He glanced back at me over his shoulder. “Say what?”
“That you’re a sinner.”
He snorted. “Baby, I’ve done things you wouldn’t believe. You knew about them, you wouldn’t wanna share a bed with me, that’s for sure.”
It was the first time out of bed and not under the cover of darkness or desire that he’d called mebaby. And the way he said it made my insides warm and bubbly. “We’reallsinners,” I said, trying to squish down the feeling. “But God forgives us our sins.”
Teo was mashing the thin cardboard and plastic in his hands into a smaller and smaller ball. “Only if you’re truly sorry for them, though. Right?” He gave a bitter little smile, aimed his makeshift trash-ball at the trash can, threw it, and made the shot.
I had no answer for him.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Teo
Istepped outside to double-check the perimeter while Aidan prayed, and also to give us some space from each other. I should have kept my mouth shut, I knew that—about the Bible, about me being a bad fucking man, about all of it. The truth was, it stung when I saw that sad look in his eyes after we fooled around together, because…
Because to me, we weren’t just fooling around. To me, it meant something more than I’d thought it would when we started, and I knew I was just going to get my damn heart broken this coming Sunday.
When I went back in, Aidan was sitting up in bed looking at a local map that the motel had provided. “The Donovan estate—they call it Innisfree, don’t they?” he said.
I slid the chain lock back on and pulled up a chair in front of the door. “Something like that.”
He traced a finger along the map. “I think we’re kind of close by.”
“How close?” I demanded, coming over to him. “If we’re anywhere near Donovan territory, we need to get the fuck away.”
He sighed as I snatched the map away from him. “Maybe half an hour? I don’t know. I don’t have a phone to check.”
I stared at the small, printed words on the map,Innisfree (private estate). “Must be pretty fucking big if it’s on maps.” The dinner party with O’Hara and his comment about a fire came back to me, the awkward tension between the Donovan sisters, Mr. D’s immediate pick-up on discrepancies with the story Tara had given him. They’d explained away the confusion easily enough, but the way they’d actedhadbeen odd.
“What is it?” Aidan asked, watching my face.
“It’s…nothing. Forget it.” But I stared even harder at that map like it might suddenly reveal some answers. “You ever been out there? Not as a guest or anything, but they have this summer camp on the other side.”
“I went to Catholics for Christ Camp when I was a kid. Why? Do you think something’s going on out there?”
I was still getting over Catholics for Christ Camp, so I shrugged. “Even if there is, not like we can do anything about it.”
“We could drive by.”
I left it a moment too long to dismiss the idea. “Nah. The last thing we want to do is go into enemy territory.”
“But what if…” Aidan began, and we looked at each other. We were thinking the same things: what if there was something going on out there? What if the Boss and Mr. D were in deeper trouble than they knew? What if there was something happening that we should know about?
“No. I’m not leaving you alone here.”
Aidan looked down at the shiny quilted cover on the bed, tugging at a loose plastic thread from one of the seams. “Then take me with you.”
I let out a sharp bark of laughter. “No way. Who are you learning all this risky bullshit from, Mr. D? Your life is my priority right now. We stay right here until we hear otherwise.”
“You feel it too, though, don’t you?” he persisted. I pitied the heathens this man decided needed saving. He’d badger them into salvation. “Therewassomething weird the other night when Innisfree was mentioned.”
