“How wouldthatwork?”
Teo let out a moan that turned into a chuckle, and rolled onto his back on the bed, a hand over his eyes. “Baby, you keep talking like that and I’m gonna pop way too fast. How would itwork? Well, we move down the bed a bit, and then one of us, you know, turns around on it.”
“Can we kiss some more first?” I asked.
“Fuckyeahwe can.” With that, Teo pounced back on me, kissing me so fiercely that it seemed like my mouth was downright offensive to him. I laughed and pretended to struggle, and it only made him wrap me up in his arms harder. He rolled me onto my back and mounted me, sitting up over me, his thighs splayed over mine. The look he gave me made a thrill run down my spine. A predator looked out at me through his velvet eyes, a predator watching its prey—and yet I could not feel unsafe with him. Never.
I only wanted him more, knowing how hungry he was for me.
I let out a slow breath and let my body go limp for him, playing dead. “Happy?”
He grabbed me by the neck, leaned in to give a blunt bite at my lower lip, then darted to my neck and gave me a gentle nip. “Very happy.”
I was, too. I was hiding for my life in a crappy motel with a New York mobster just days away from my ordination, and I’d never been happier than I was right then. I’d never wanted Teo more, never wanted to give myself over as much as I did then.
Once we got into position, it was confronting to have Teo’s heavy, jutting cock tapping against my lips, the wet tip smearing on my chin, but as soon as he wrapped his lips around mine everything else died away. He had a nice dick, I decided, wrapping my fingers around it to test the girth. It was wider than mine, in the same way Teo’s shoulders were broader than mine, and I would have to open my mouth wide to fit it in. As I watched, a teardrop slipped out of his slit, and I gave it a tentative lick, tasting him from the source for the first time. It was salty, distinctive, like warm seawater.
Teo’s hot breath quickened between my legs, and I licked him again, swirling my tongue around his head clumsily, but I was rewarded with him moaning as he took me deep into his throat. I tried to do the same, but gagged, had to retreat. He made a noise that would have been a chuckle if he didn’t have his mouth full of me, and pulled back slowly, inexorably, so I could feel every caress of his tongue and the tightening ring of his mouth as he popped me back out of it.
“Careful with those teeth. And take your time, baby,” he said hoarsely. “I plan to.”
There wasn’t enough time, nowhere near it. For one thing, I wasn’t going to last long. All his teasing in the shower had pulled me taut as a violin string so I quivered and hummed at his touch. And time was running out on us in other ways, ways I didn’t want to think about.
I refocused on Teo, on the silky feel of his skin in my mouth, the salt of him as he released little bursts of flavor across my tongue, the smell of his arousal as it grew stronger in the hot, clammy confines of his thighs. But every few seconds my focus was interrupted by the feelings he was wringing out of me withhismouth. I was getting close, so close, and then his fingers traced over my balls, behind them, rubbing gently as his other hand parted my cheeks. I stuffed as much of him into my mouth as I could, and when I felt his touch in my most secret place, he broke me apart. I choked out my orgasm around his cock, drooling and moaning, and he followed moments later, filling up my mouth with spurt after spurt.
Afterwards he whispered something as we lay there entwined, tangled together, panting. It was hard to hear with my head still pillowed there on his thigh, but I caught my name,Aidan,Aidan, repeated over and over again like a prayer.
* * *
We hada quick dinner of pre-made sandwiches that Teo had bought at the strip mall grocery store, followed by two slices each of the apple pie Dad had given us, and I finally felt satisfied once both my appetites were sated. We sat on the tiny couch while we ate, and somehow I felt much calmer than I had before. Both the fear and the frenzy of desire had left me, and I was in a state of balance not unlike how I felt after Mass on Sundays.
Maybe it was a profane idea, that food and flesh could equal anything spiritual. Nevertheless, it was how I felt.
“What are you thinking about?” Teo asked curiously. I started, realizing he’d been watching me. “Your eyes are…” He squinted at me. “Foggy.”
I looked down. “I was just wishing I had my Bible here,” I lied.
“We should be able to arrange that,” Teo said, getting up. “These places usually have a Bible in a drawer somewhere, right?”
“Oh—it’s fine, really,” I said. Suddenly, the idea of reading Sacred Scripture right after the thoughts I’d been having—not to mention the things I’d been doing—seemed inappropriate. But Teo was already looking through drawers.
“Here you go,” he said triumphantly, holding up one from the single nightstand. “I don’t know if you need some special translation or something, but this should do tonight, right?”
“Sure.” I gave a smile I didn’t feel, and took it in my hands.
Teo was watching me closely. “It didn’t explode into flames,” he said, gesturing at the Bible when I gave him a quizzical look. “That’s a good sign, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“You think I don’t notice how every time we fool around, you start looking like you’re in pain? I know what you’re thinking. That it’s sinful and we shouldn’t do it. So I guess what I’m wondering is, whydoyou?”
There was no good answer to that. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, and he shook his head impatiently.
“Don’t matter to me. Hell, I know what I am. I’m a sinner, alright, done just about all of them. But you—I don’t like you looking so sad just because you enjoyed what we did together.”
The words of Saint John the Evangelist came to me:Love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.
I shook them away quickly. What Teo and I were doing was notlove. That was the problem. If I’d been in love with him, I could maybe have explained it away like that. But I wasn’tin lovewith Teo. Surely the feelings he brought up in me were purely of the flesh, and I was mistaking them for feelings of the heart.
