“Remember that one time we cornered Desmond and emptied our Super Soakers on him for locking us in his crawlspace?” James asked, and we both laughed at the funny memory. “Can I ask you something, Allie?” he said, with a serious tone.
“Okay,” I replied sheepishly, assuming what his question would be.
“Do you really feel like nobody cares about you? Surely that can’t be true. Maybe it feels like it, but I’m sure you have people in your life who would be devastated if you weren’t in it.” Then he was quiet while he waited for my reply.
“It doesn’t feel that way right now,” I said quietly.
“Okay. Does anyone else know that you feel this way? Maybe you need to talk to someone. Your mom? A counselor? There are people who can help.”
“No, and I’d appreciate it if we could just keep this between us. My mom and I don’t have the type of relationship where we share deep emotions and she would never understand how I feel. She doesn’t believe in therapy, anyways, so it would be pointless.” Then I barreled into him with a hug. “I owe you my life, thank you for caring” I said, then he wrapped his arms around me and just held me, but this time I didn’t cry. When I let go, I sat back up, and he smiled a friendly smile, just like I remembered from when we were kids. Maybe I did have more than one friend in the world.
“Ready for me to walk you home?” he said, as he got to his feet.
“Okay,” I said. “Hey, do you think we could hang out again sometime? I could really use another friend right now, and I’m on Christmas break,” I said.
“I was going to ask you the same thing. I’d love the company since all my friends are at home from boarding school and I don’t know anyone in town anymore,’ he said, as we headed down to the kitchen.
Mrs. Barr was at the sink washing up from breakfast when we came down the back stairs.
“Good morning, Allie. It looks like you needed some sleep. Feeling better? James said you had a long day yesterday,” she said with a warm smile.
“Yes, I did. Thank you for breakfast. Your blueberry muffins were delicious,” I said, and she smiled at the compliment.
“Come back any time, dear. You know where we live,” she joked.
“Sure do,” I said, offering her a smile.
“Bye, sweetie,” She called as I walked out the front door.
“Your mom is so nice,” I said, as James walked me home.
“Yeah, she is,” He replied. “Do you remember when we used to climb up that trellis and jump off your roof?” He said, pointing up to the roof outside my room. “We really did some crazy stuff, didn’t we?” He said, reminiscing. “We sure had some fun.”
Once we got to the back door of my house, he pulled me in for one more hug, then let go and looked at me. “You going to be okay?” I shrugged. “Will you promise me something?” he asked. “Will you promise to always call me if you need me? I mean it.” And then he produced a pen from his pocket, grabbed my hand, and wrote his number on my palm. “There. Now you have no excuse. Call anytime. See you later.” Then he turned to walk home to his light blue house.
Once inside, I headed to my room, where I wrote down James’s number in my journal before it faded from my hand. I was glad to know that I had a friend next door whom I could talk to. James was someone who was connected to my past, with whom I shared common memories. It was nice that we could share stories without having to stop and explain people and places to each other. With James, everything was effortless. It still hadn’t quite sunk in what I had tried to do last night. I climbed into bed and collapsed into a mental place of nothingness. Just then, I heard a light knock on the door.
“Hi, sweetie,” Mom said as she opened the door. Did you have fun last night? I always liked James; he was such a sweet kid,” she said, with a tone that suggested perhaps we were more than friends.
“It was fine. We just watched a movie. It’s nice to have another friend besides Isabelle.”
“So, I don’t want to push you, but do you remember when I asked if you would sing in Kirsten’s wedding?” I nodded, but wished she knew that this was terrible timing. “Well, they’ve asked me to confirm whether you’re willing to do it,” she said, then she waited for my answer.
“Fine,” I said quietly, hardly caring about anything at all. She looked elated, completely oblivious to my state of mind. “But only if I can bring a date.”
“I think that seems like a perfectly reasonable compromise. So who are you going to bring?” she asked with a smirk.
“Maybe I’ll ask James,” I said quietly.
“That’s a nice idea,” she said, probably hoping it meant I was out of my Chris slump. Little did she know, I was pining for him more than ever.
Once she walked out of my room, I pulled the covers up around my face and peeked my hand out to switch my stereo on. Dave Matthews Band’s Grey Street came through the speakers. Then I pulled my hand back into the cozy cave of covers and closed my eyes, still in shock at what I had done. Last night, I was willing to give it all up, and I hadn’t quite left that state of mind.
The afternoon passed by under my covers, and my mom either didn’t seem to notice or she didn’t seem to mind. Either way, I grew roots into the bed until the phone rang early in the evening. Amy must have answered it because she screamed my name from down the hall.
“Allie! It’s James!” she yelled, slightly annoyed. Clearly, she was still mad at me, but I didn’t understand why, now that she finally had a shot with Chris. I rolled over and picked up the phone.
“Hello?”
