‘God, Daisy, I really want to kiss you again,’ he admitted then.
My breath hitched. ‘I want to kiss you again too,’ I whispered back. My lips remembered the feel of his and my body remembered how good his arms felt around me. But my mind was still confused. And my heart. I had no idea what it wanted. No. That was a lie. But what it wanted was too terrifying to speak aloud.
‘What do we do?’ he asked, leaning on the fence that separated us. If he leaned forward though, he would be able to touch my lips. I both ached for him to do it and wished he wouldn’t. Talk about confusing.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said then.
Blake shook his head. ‘No, don’t apologise. It’s not like either of us expected to meet each other on the farm. And you’re still unsure about what you feel for Henry. I get that. And it’s not like I’m free either really. Not properly. Sarah is right there with us. And I have no idea what to do about it.’
‘Bronte is confused about me being here.’
‘Yeah. I suppose I should tell her what happened with Sarah. What’s going on. I hate her thinking I’m like our mother. I don’t want to be like her.’
‘You know what? I think Bronte reminds me of my mum,’ I said with a small smile. ‘She always said things how they were, and had the best advice. Why don’t we go back so you can talk to her? Sort things out so you can leave knowing you’re both okay. You came all this way and after all this time. You should fix it. I mean, if that’s what you want.’
Midnight gave Blake a nudge then and he chuckled. ‘You’re both giving me the same advice, so I better take it, right?’ He reached out and tucked a stray hair of mine behind my ear. My body hummed from the chaste touch. Our eyes connected and they seemed to say a million things that we couldn’t speak aloud. After a moment, Blake briefly brushed his fingertips over mine. ‘Why didn’t I meet you first?’ he asked.
Then he stepped off the fence and turned to give Midnight a goodbye pat before heading for the gate.
His words echoed through me as we walked back to the garden. I couldn’t help but wonder what path my life would have taken if five years ago, I had met Blake instead of Henry.
* * *
After lunch, I helped Bill tidy up the kitchen while Blake and Bronte stayed outside talking at the table in the garden.
‘Thank you for bringing him here,’ Bill said as he handed me a washed bowl to dry.
‘It was Blake’s idea,’ I assured him.
‘Maybe, but he didn’t come home for the year he was with Sarah. Now he’s met you… he’s here. You know, you’re only the second woman he has brought home to meet us.’
‘Really?’
‘Family has always meant a lot to him. I think he didn’t want to bring anyone here who wasn’t meaningful or special, you know? We were surprised, I’m not going to lie, that he chose Sarah.’ Bill stopped then. ‘I shouldn’t be saying all this, should I? It’s just you seem to fit right in.’
‘I do?’ That really shocked me. I had tried to mould myself for Henry and his family, but here, I was just being myself. And that was enough for Bill. ‘That… that means a lot to me,’ I choked out.
Bill gave me a kind smile. ‘I can see it does. Sometimes, we worry too much about what we want, what the future is going to look like, that we forget to enjoy the moment we’re in, to be happy right here, right now. So, we don’t recognise what we should be hanging onto. The things that could become that future we want.’ Bill grinned then. ‘My kids are always telling me I think I’m a poet or a philosopher, so feel free to ignore anything I say or advice I give.’
‘I like it,’ I replied with a smile. I think we both knew I was really saying that I liked Bill. He reminded me of my uncle, and my father too. Blake was lucky to have him. I looked out of the kitchen window at Blake and Bronte. ‘I’m glad they’re reconnecting.’
‘You know how important family is.’
‘Yeah. I do,’ I replied with a sigh. I thought about Henry and his parents. They could be my family. But they didn’t care what I wanted, only what they did. I’d been so desperate to replace the family I had lost, I’d ignored the niggling doubts I’d had all along. I didn’t really belong with them. Bill saying that it felt like I belonged here was comforting. It did feel that way. Which was crazy, wasn’t it? I turned to Bill. ‘Do you wish Blake would come home?’
Bill was putting the plates back in the cupboard, his back to me and the door. His back sagged a little at my question. ‘Is that selfish of me? Yes, I do. The shop could be doing better. I maybe lost some of my drive and passion for it the past year. I always saw it as a family business. Bronte and her husband try to help but they have the riding school and their two boys to look after.’ A beat passed. ‘I guess I thought Blake loved the shop as much as I do.’
‘I do.’
We both jumped and spun around as Blake and Bronte walked into the kitchen.
‘I do love it, Dad,’ Blake repeated. ‘I think I believed I should be dreaming bigger. No… maybe Sarah made me think that I should. I feel crap about that. I was worried I’d made a mistake as soon as I moved to the city. But I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to fail. I didn’t want to have made a mistake.’ Blake glanced at me. ‘But I know you only fail if you don’t try. I needed to try, I think. To get it out of my system. To decide what I want out of life. What I want for my future. Can you give me some more time? I’ll come back soon.’
‘Of course, son,’ Bill said warmly. ‘I only want my kids to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I understood why you had to go. And I’d understand if you still want to be there. But if you want to come back, this is and always will be your home.’
A sob rose up in my throat. Horrified, I took off, hurrying out of the room and out the front door into the driveway. It was all too much hearing Blake’s dad tell him this would always be his home. It’s what I desperately wanted but just couldn’t seem to find.
A tiny voice deep down asked me if maybe one day, this could really be where I belonged. But that idea just seemed too outlandish to even entertain.
