‘I still can’t believe you chose the city over all this,’ Bronte added then with a shake of her head. ‘Overus.’ She spoke angrily but I could see the hurt in her eyes. She had missed her brother too.
‘It wasn’t that I chose the city over you all,’ Blake said defensively. ‘I fell in love with Sarah and wanted to make a life with her. There was so much to do – finding a place to live then trying to set up our company – and it’s a long way and… I wanted to come and see you but I knew how angry you both were that I’d left. I suppose I thought that I wouldn’t be welcome,’ Blake finished in a quiet voice, looking down at his plate again.
Bronte tutted. ‘As if you wouldn’t be welcome. You know I thought it was a mistake to leave and be withher, but this will always be your home. You know that, right?’
‘Yeah,’ Blake said, but I could tell her words meant a lot to him. He took a deep breath and looked up. ‘Things aren’t great between us but I’d rather not hear an “I told you so”.’
‘I won’t say that but you should have come home. Instead, you ran away,’ Bronte said, her voice rising with passion. Her cheeks flushed. ‘Just like our mother.’
23
There was a sharp silence after that.
Blake stood up suddenly, pushing his chair back angrily. ‘And you wonder why I stayed away,’ he said, striding off without a backward glance.
‘You couldn’t let us have a nice day together,’ Bill said with a sigh.
Bronte lifted her shoulders. ‘Sorry, Dad, but it’s true. He acted just like her!’
‘Maybe I should…’ I gestured to where Blake was walking towards their horses.
‘Yes, Daisy, maybe you can ask him to come back and finish lunch. Bronte won’t say another word, will you?’ Bill said firmly.
She sighed. ‘Sure,’ she mumbled, reaching for her lemonade and taking a long gulp.
‘Okay,’ I said, and followed Blake. I walked out to the riding school into the field where the family’s four horses were enjoying the sunshine. Blake opened the gate and walked on through but I stopped outside and leaned on the fence to watch. Blake approached his horse, who lifted her head and walked over when he clucked his tongue. She sniffed him as he patted her and then she nuzzled into his neck, making him laugh. Watching him greet his horses sent a bolt of affection for him through me.
‘I missed her more than I realised,’ Blake said after a moment. I hadn’t known if he had seen me follow or not. He turned to look at me. ‘It’s probably why I started running in the city: to try to recreate the feeling I have when I’m riding her. It didn’t work, though.’
I nodded. ‘I’ve been trying for years to feel the same way I did when I stayed at Birch Tree Farm one summer when I was young. Before my parents… before life took so much from me… but it’s never worked.’
‘No, because life can never go back to that point. But you can find that joy again. I know it, Daisy.’ He stroked Midnight. ‘I’m sorry, girl. I shouldn’t have left you for so long.’
‘Did you not consider moving her to the city with you?’
Blake walked over to the fence and leaned on the opposite side to me. Midnight followed and he produced an apple from his pocket to give to her. I hadn’t seen him take it from lunch. ‘Sarah doesn’t like horses. That was a factor. As was how much time it would take to look after Midnight, plus she’s only ever lived out here. I didn’t think she’d like the city.’ He sighed as she ate the apple. ‘Bronte thinks I’m like our mother.’
‘She’s just hurt. She’s missed you. She doesn’t understand why you left and didn’t come back.’
‘Do you?’ He looked at me over the fence.
‘I couldn’t go back to Birchbrook for a long time. I think maybe I was scared to be happy. When I stayed there after my parents died, every time I laughed with Willow, I felt guilty. The pain washed over me again. I thought if I stayed away, I wouldn’t get sad but I also wouldn’t feel guilty if I wasn’t sad. The past five years, I wonder if I’ve only been living a half-life. Stopping myself from being really happy as well as stopping myself from being really sad. God, does that even makes sense?’
‘It does,’ Blake said reassuringly. ‘But you deserve so much more than a half-life, Daisy.’
‘So do you,’ I reminded him.
‘I think I’m scared of facing the fact that I failed. Maybe Bronte is right. Maybe I started to wonder why I stayed here in my safe hometown, in the family business, and didn’t dream bigger. Like our mother did. Maybe I thought she was happier wherever she is. That maybe I would be too. Maybe I was worried I was like her so I left to almost prove myself right. Maybe I did fall in love with Sarah or maybe I just wanted to be loved so much, I let her talk me into this new life when there was nothing wrong with the one I was leading. That maybe I want a safe, small life. Sarah will think I’m crazy though if I tell her that.’
‘So what?’ I snapped.
Blake turned around to face me over the fence. ‘So what?’ He allowed himself a small smile at my question.
‘Sarah might never understand this,’ I explained, gesturing around us. ‘She doesn’t understand wanting to stay where you grew up. Being close to your family. Helping out your dad. Yeah, she probably will think you’re crazy to leave the city and come back here. But just because you have different dreams to her doesn’t mean one of you is right and the other is wrong. It just means you’re not meant to be together. And frankly, the fact she could cheat on you should tell you that too. If I loved someone, I would be loyal to them. I would support their dreams. I would want to build a life together that we both wanted.’
Blake stared at me. ‘That’s what I want too. For us both.’
‘You only fail if you don’t try,’ I murmured, remembering my mum telling me that once. She was nervous about opening her flower shop. But she did it anyway. I knew then what she would say about me being scared to cut ties with Henry once and for all.
