‘Fine. But whatever this is,’ she glared at me, ‘won’t last five minutes. You’re just a rebound. He belongs with me!’ She turned to Blake. ‘When you realise that, call me!’ Then she flounced off towards her car.
Hope rose inside my chest that Henry might also leave.
But he turned to me and said, ‘Daisy, can we finish our conversation, please?’
‘You don’t have to,’ Blake said quickly.
‘Daisy. I’ve come all this way. We almost got married. You owe me this, don’t you?’ he added to me.
‘Daisy—’
‘Seriously, can you leave us alone?’ Henry interrupted whatever Blake was about to say to me. His face was turning red again. I didn’t want things to escalate any further.
‘It’s okay,’ I told Blake. ‘Henry, let’s go up to my room and we can talk,’ I added. Although I was nervous to, I did feel like I owed him a conversation.
I hesitated before I followed Henry back inside. I glanced at Blake. He gave me a reassuring nod. It made me feel a tiny bit better. I nodded back. More understanding floated between us. We were connected now.
Inside, I led the way upstairs, Henry following close behind me. It felt so strange to have him on the farm. He seemed completely out of place. When I walked into my room, I could see him looking around and judging it. It was very different to our bedroom back at his parents’ house; that was grand and plush and modern. And far less cosy.
Henry closed the door behind him. I went to sit in the armchair so Henry had to perch on the bed.
‘God, Daisy, I can’t believe you want to be here on this farm when you could come home with me to a mansion.’ He didn’t even say it in a snobbish way, just still matter-of-factly confident that my life with him was what every woman would want.
I now really was angry at his inability to listen to me and what I wanted. Was it any wonder I had snapped at the last minute on our wedding day? I took a breath and tried to be calm but firm. ‘I can stay on this farm. And I will. Because right now, that’s what I want to do. You need to open your eyes and ears and hear that I’m not happy in our life together. Why would I have left our wedding otherwise? I’m sorry but I don’t think we’re right together. I don’t think we should get married. Not now. Or… ever.’ I said the last word softly. I didn’t want to hurt him. But once the word was out of my mouth, I felt relieved. He had turned up expecting that our wedding day had been just a blip. But I knew deep down, it wasn’t.
Henry stared at me for a long minute. I think finally, he had heard me. He looked stunned. More so even than when I’d told him in my wedding dress that I had to get out of there. He had been expecting to be able to talk me around, like he was able to do with pretty much everyone and everything in his entitled life. Then he stood up and came to stand in front of me. ‘Daisy, I have spent five years loving you. I can’t, I won’t, just stop. You need time, I get that now. But when you’re ready, I know you’ll realise you love me too, and our life is what you want.’
‘Henry—’ I began, sure he couldn’t love me because he didn’t know me. I had made sure he didn’t.
‘I’m sorry I let the wedding get away from us,’ he talked over me. ‘That won’t happen again. You are my future. And I’m yours. What will you do without me? Can you picture not working with me and living with me? Our home, our life: it’s everything. You will be completely alone if you don’t come home with me. I know you want security and safety, a partner and a family; I can give you all that.’
He’d taken what I said about not wanting to be alone as a positive thing. I knew it had kept me with him when I didn’t love him. I knew it had meant I let him dictate everything. But he saw it as offering me security and safety. And wanted to know what I was going to do without any of that. What would happen if that safety was taken away from me?
Could I decide my future without him?
Panic swept over me.
I had no idea what to do next.
The future looked blurry, like a polaroid picture before you shook it into existence. What if I couldn’t shake the future I wanted into existence? What if I stayed forever stuck and uncertain, and… all alone?
I sucked in air desperately but now, I was struggling to breathe.
The room spun.
I felt light-headed and like I might pass out.
Yet somehow, I couldn’t take a proper breath.
This was something I’d been worried would happen ever since I fled our wedding. I had been keeping the panic at bay but now I couldn’t.
‘Daisy, what’s going on?’ Henry was on the floor then, crouching in front of me. His hands touched mine gently. ‘Breathe, Daisy. Breathe with me.’
Confused, I met his eyes and did what he instructed. He sucked in deep, calming breaths and I copied him. For a few seconds, the only sound in the room was us breathing in unison.
Henry squeezed my hands. ‘That’s it. You’ll be okay.’
‘Will I?’ I asked him – and the universe – feeling light-headed and dizzy. My pulse and heart rate were still rapid but I could take in air now.
