Lulu trembled in his arms, sniffling against his neck, pressing light kisses everywhere he could reach. Xavi held him tighter, closer, until he could no longer feel where he ended and Lulu began. Until they were one person, one soul, like they were always supposed to be. One heart beating to the same rhythm. Xavi had felt it that day in detention. Another soul speaking to his, and although it had taken them nearly two decades to get here, Xavi couldn’t bring himself to regret one single second. Not one.
“I’m so proud of you,oso,” Lulu spoke against his ear. “You are so brave. You are my brave one. My boyfriend. My Xavi.” Lulu’s voice rose unbelievably high above the music. Tears smeared against Xavi’s naked skin, and he realized that he, too, was crying.
“I’m not brave,” Xavi croaked, unsure if Lulu could even hear him.
“You just were. Youare.”
Words burned in Xavi’s chest, on his lips, begging to be spoken. They burned more fiercely inside him than any fire ever could.
“That’s because you love me,cisne. Because of you, because you love me, I can be brave. I love being brave with you,cisne. Wild.”
Then Lulu’s tear-stained face appeared in front of him, his eyes so wide, dark lashes glistening.
“I love when you’re all wild,oso.” Lulu had to yell over the music, his body still wrapped around Xavi’s. “When you let yourself be free. With me.”
“Only with you,cisne. Only ever with you, my wild one.”
“I love that.” Lulu leaned in and pressed a kiss against Xavi’s lips. Bodies bumped into them from all sides as the music continued to pound, once again changing, and this time, when Sia started to sing, it felt like a sign.
“My wild one,” Lulu smiled, then Sia repeated his words.
“It’s true,” Xavi laughed. “You are. The one. Mine.”
“And you are mine, too. The only one.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Lulu
Since last night at the club, Lulu hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what would happen once they got to Portland. They’d dropped Finn off in front of his parents’ house in Florence, and now it was just the two of them on this last stretch of the road. It was one thing to be on the road with Xavi, where they’d created this world of two, where their future was suspended, put on hold, and where they could just be. But what happened once they returned to the real world, to their old lives? Would Xavi regret what they’d done? Lulu didn’t think so, but since they hadn’t touched the subject, he couldn’t know for sure.
Then, images of a bare-chested Xavi dancing in the club last night under the bright neon lights flooded his mind. The way Xavi had pulled off his T-shirt, his armor, and had bared himself to the world, all his scars on full display, so brave and so vulnerable and just altogether stunning. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, his umber skin glowing in his beautiful rebirth, his scars glistening like Xavi’s skin had been dusted with silver or decorated with tiny rhinestones. Xavi had been so fucking brave, so how could Lulu not be, too? He’d called Lulu his, hadn’t he? And Xavi had meant it. At that moment, he had meant it. Lulu had seen it in his eyes and felt it with every fiber of his being.
“Will we be okay?” The words fell from Lulu’s lips before he had time to think, and it felt like not only his heart but the entire world stopped while waiting for Xavi’s answer. “Will we be okay, Xavi?”
Xavi didn’t say anything, his features stoic, and for a second, Lulu thought Xavi hadn’t heard him. Then his lips tightened into a thin line, and Lulu knew he had. This was Xavi’s most serious face, his thinking face. It was how he’d looked at Lulu when Lulu had woken up in the hospital after his father had beaten him within an inch of his life. It was how he’d looked when Joe had told them what had happened to Noah during his training at the firefighter academy.
“Xavi,” Lulu whispered, but Xavi shook his head, then took the next exit, which said Salem. Oh shit, wasn’t Salem where they used to burn all those poor women back in the day? “Why are we stopping?”
“I forgot something. We’ll just be a second.” Xavi’s voice was tight, like it physically pained him to speak, and for once, Lulu couldn’t decipher the expression in his eyes.
“What did you forget?” Tears suddenly threatened to spill. Lulu didn’t want to go to fucking Salem. He wanted to keep driving with Xavi by his side. He never wanted to stop, never wanted this trip to end, if it meant this thing between them was coming to an end, too. “What did you forget, Xavi?”
“Lulu, please…” Xavi threw him a quick look, his gaze flickering. Oh shit, this was it, wasn’t it? This was when Xavi was going to tell him that last night had been a mistake. That he hadn’t meant what he’d said. That he’d been carried away by the atmosphere in the club, and that what happened on the road should just fucking stay on the road. “I know what you’re thinking. But that’s not it. I swear,cisne, whatever you’re thinking… that’s not it. Just… just let me find a place to park, okay?”
“Okay,” Lulu sniffled, and now the stupid tears came anyway, trailing down his cheeks. He wiped at them furiously, clinging to Xavi’s words. ‘I swear,cisne.’Xavi had never lied to him, not once.
They drove through an industrial area and passed what looked like the entrance to a park, and Xavi hit the brakes and made a sharp turn, then pulled into an empty space under a large tree.
Turning in his seat, a deep sigh left Xavi’s chest. His gaze shifted between his hands and Lulu’s eyes, and in that moment, he looked so young again, like the boy Lulu had fallen so hard for nearly two decades earlier.
Digging his teeth into his bottom lip, Xavi closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. Then, when he opened them again, there was a newfound serenity on his face. Reaching for Lulu’s hands, he smiled shyly as he carefully tangled their fingers together. Then Xavi nodded briefly, a barely there movement of his chin, like something seemed to fall into place inside him.
“‘Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own: in pain and sickness it would still be dear. Your mind is my treasure, and if it were broken, it would be my treasure still.’”
“Xavi…” Xavi was squeezing his fingers to the point of pain, and Lulu wasn’t sure if he understood the true meaning of what he was saying.
“It’s fromJane Eyre. It’s my favorite book.”
