“I wouldn’t.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” Lulu released his one hand from the steering wheel and slid it across the console, reaching for Xavi’s hand while still focusing on the road. Xavi clasped it in his, then tangled their fingers together. Xavi held his breath. He usually didn’t like it when people touched his hand. It was so ugly, the skin where his ring and little finger used to be, so marred and uneven. They still hurt sometimes, although his fingers were long gone, thrown into some container with other hospital waste.Phantom pain, the doctors called it. Sometimes it went away, but sometimes it was permanent, the human body so inclined to mourn something it had lost years ago. Xavi didn’t blame his body. He, too, still mourned something—someone—he’d lost two decades earlier. Perhaps it was his body’s way of showing solidarity.
“I want this,” Lulu whispered as his thumb continued to sweep gently along Xavi’s knuckles, back and forth in soothing movements, his eyes locked onto the road ahead. “I want this, this feeling right now, the way you make me feel, for the rest of my life.That’sall I want.” Xavi nodded as he swallowed around the large ball of emotion stuck in his throat. “I don’t care about the why or the how. I just know that the way you make me feel, the way I see myself and think of myself when I’m with you,oso, is the only thing that makes sense in my life. That hasalwaysmade sense.”
“Cisne,” Xavi whispered as tears pressed behind his eyes. He didn’t know what to say. He felt it too, of course he did. He always had. He just hoped Lulu knew that.
“I love when you call me that.” Lulu’s gaze briefly flickered to his, a tender smile playing along his lips. “It makes me feel beautiful.”
“Youarebeautiful,cisne. The most beautiful boy—man I ever saw.”
“More beautiful than Federico?”
“Sí, claro que sí,” Xavi hummed, and Lulu’s smile grew impossibly wide as it exploded across his face.
Xavi leaned his head back against the headrest as his eyes drifted shut. He hadn’t slept much last night, his brain working overtime, with what had passed on the bridge replaying in his mind. A yawn moved through him, and he relaxed against the seat, the monotone sweeping sound of the window wipers blending with the soothing movement of Lulu’s thumb against his skin.
He woke with a start, and it took his brain a few seconds to notice that they’d stopped driving. Blinking his eyes open, he saw the world had changed around him, everything covered in thick pillows of white. He had no idea how long he’d been out, but it was still light outside, although heavy, ominous-looking clouds occupied the sky.
Groaning, he stretched in his seat, only just now noticing that the seat next to him was empty. They were parked in front of a gas station, so Lulu was probably inside. A snowplow blasted by on the road, snow whirling everywhere, more white blending with white. Fuck, the weather had turned into a regular blizzard by now. Nebraska was known for its brutal winters, but Xavi had assumed that as long as they stayed on the I-80, they’d be okay. And where the hell were they anyway?
Freezing cold air hit him when Lulu opened the car door and got in; a shivering mess of snow, flaming red cheeks, and bright eyes.
“Fuck,mano, it’s freezing!” Lulu’s voice came out clipped, his teeth rattling, as he placed two cups of steaming hot coffee in the cup holders between them, then rubbed his hands together. “Dude, you were out like a light,” he chuckled, blowing at his fingers.
Xavi nodded, looking at the white chaos unfolding outside, then back at Lulu.
“Where the hell are we,mano? That’snotthe I-80.” He nodded at the road where cars were trailing by at a snail’s pace, their roofs and fronts covered in snow.
Lulu shifted in his seat, then reached for the coffee and held it to his lips, blowing at it carefully.
“You’re stalling.”
“I’m cold,” Lulu protested, taking a careful sip of the coffee, sighing audibly, the sound going straight to Xavi’s cock.
“Where are we?”
“Okay, you want the good news or the not-so-good news first?” Lulu blinked at him, the tip of his nose pink from the cold. Fuck, he was so gorgeous that Xavi almost forgot himself, his fingers itching to just pull Lulu against him and kiss himsenseless, then bury his face against Lulu’s soft-smelling neck. Okay, he needed to get a grip.
“Lulu…” He raised a brow in warning.
“Okay, okay, calm yourtamales, osito. So that,”—Lulu pointed out toward the road—“isnotthe I-80.” Lulu dug his front teeth into his bottom lip as he seemed to wait for Xavi’s reaction.
“No shit, Sherlock,” Xavi sighed, rubbing at his forehead. “What is it then?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. With the way the weather was acting and the way his head was still heavy from sleep, Lulu could’ve driven them to fucking Alaska for all he knew.
“It’s.the.385,” Lulu rushed out, holding the coffee to his lips.
“Mano, I don’t even know what that is.”
“It’s a highway. We’re halfway between Whitney and nowhere, it seems.”
“Whitney? What the hell is Whitney?” Xavi knew of the bandWhitneybecause Noah loved them and had dragged them to a concert once. It wasn’t Xavi’s kind of music, but he could kind of see the appeal. The lead singer had a nice voice, and they were decent musicians, and why the hell was he thinking about this now?
“It’s a small town in rural Nebraska, and if I’d known the next stop was the end of the fucking world, I’d have stopped in Whitney, that’s for sure.” Lulu looked at him regretfully, and Xavi had to give him that. “But I was trying to get back on the I-80 before you woke up.”
“How the fuck did we end up on a highway instead of the I-80 in the first place?”
“I had to pee,” Lulu whispered, his eyelashes fluttering, and again, Xavi’s cock fattened in his jeans. Shit, was this how it was going to be from now on, this constant latent need buzzing underneath his skin, this ever-present arousal coursing through him just by being near Lulu? Somehow, he had a feeling it was.
