EverythingXavi wanted to say, to scream.Fucking everything. But just like always, Lulu saw right through him, just as tuned into Xavi as he was to Lulu, their hearts beating to the same invisible drum, their souls so intertwined that most days Xavi could barely feel where he ended and Lulu began.
“You’ll never lose me,mano. Not ever. You’re my brother, my best friend, my sanity.” Lulu leaned down, resting his forehead against Xavi’s, his skin burning against his. “Be brave with me,oso. We have everything to gain. Nothing to lose.”
Brave.Oh, how he longed to be fucking brave; Lulu had no fucking idea. Swallowing, Xavi inhaled deeply, willing his heart not to burst from his chest through the next part.
“So… if we do this? What happens when we get to Portland?”
Lulu opened his eyes, easing away slightly, his hands still cradling Xavi’s face gently.
“We either get there as boyfriends—real fucking boyfriends—or we go back to being friends.Onlyreal fucking friends,mano, and not this weird fucking gray area, this strange in between.” There was a fierceness in Lulu’s voice. Conviction and maturity, too. No teasing undertone. No wavering. Xavi knew it was an illusion, of course. Too good to be true. It would—could—never work. They could never work. At the same time, he also had to be real and admit that he wanted it so much. He wanted Lulu so much he could hardly contain it any longer.
“Four days?” Xavi whispered.
Lulu nodded.
“A trial period?”
“Yeah, if you wanna call it that.”
“That’s what you called it.”
“Yeah.”
“Where we’re…together?”
“Yes,” Lulu sighed, his long eyelashes fluttering.
“And that’s it? Four days, no strings attached, no expectations, and in Portland we just…”
“If you want,” Lulu said softly. “But just so you know,oso, I’ll have fucking expectations. Because I know I’m right about this. About us.”
Shit, who was this fucking version of Lulu? So sure and so… so settled in who he was suddenly. It left Xavi in awe, fucking speechless.
“Don’t you think we owe it to ourselves, to each other, to figure this out once and for all?” Tenderness pooled in Lulu’s eyes, and Xavi’s chest squeezed with longing.
He did. Hedidthink that. It didn’t make it any less scary or fucking terrifying.
“What’s the catch?”
“No catch.” Lulu pursed his lips. “Just endless possibilities.”
“Okay.” Xavi nodded, his body relaxing instantly. The truth was, he wanted it so badly. Fuck, he wanted it. Even if it meant that they’d crash and burn, he still wanted it. He’d already burned once and walked away alive. What were a few more scars and burns to a body that was already marred in too many places to count?
“Yeah?” Lulu blurted, disbelief coating his voice.
“Yeah, whatever you want,mano.” Fuuuck.
A spark moved through Lulu’s eyes, lighting him up from the inside out, as the broadest smile ever took over his beautiful face.
“OhEmGee!” he squealed, bouncing up and down, then stumbling into Xavi, causing both of them to fall back onto the bed, Xavi landing on his back with a laughing Lulu on top of him. “I’m gonna be the bestnovioyou’ve ever had!” Lulu’s nose brushed up against Xavi’s, and he wanted nothing more than to close the gap between them and just fucking devour Lulu’s lips.
“Trial boyfriends,” Xavi groaned. “Coño, mano, you’re fucking heavy.” He pretended to struggle under Lulu’s weight, trying to push Lulu off him, but his heart wasn’t in it. He already felt himself resigning, giving in to this, whatever it was.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Trial boyfriends.” Lulu giggled, snuggling up against Xavi, burying his face against Xavi’s neck, and it just felt so fucking good to finally allow himself to be close to Lulu like this. Xavi melted into the mattress, just savoring the feel of Lulu on top of him, all around him, and before he knew it, he lifted his arms, snaking them around Lulu, clasping them around his waist in a firm embrace. Lulu sighed into him, his breath coming out in hot little puffs against Xavi’s skin, every cell becoming alive with sensation.
“So, what’s next?” Xavi yawned, building exhaustion pulling at him.
“We sleep.” Lulu snuggled up even closer.
