Okay, so that wasn’t exactly the reaction Lulu had expected because the small hotel room in downtown Fort Wayne looked just fine to him. Especially the giant double bed looked pretty fucking inviting right about now after spending hours cramped into the FIAT 500. Maybe Xavi had just realized he’d forgotten his PJs. Yeah, maybe that was it.
“Twin room, my ass,” Xavi hissed. “I booked a fucking twin room.” He rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes glowering intensely at the double bed, like he could will it into splitting into two.
“It’ll be fine.” Lulu patted his shoulder before he started chucking off his jacket, dropping it over the back of a chair, then steered directly toward the bed, face planting with a contented sigh when he reached it. “Fuuuck, this is the life.” Rubbing his face into the fresh sheets, smelling of artificial ocean, but still better than theMidnight ChicWunderbaum hanging from the rearview mirror in the FIAT, Lulu toed off his boots. “Come,oso. Lie down beside me.” Lulu patted the bed next to him without looking up, his voice muffled against the sheets. “I promise I won’t bite.”
Xavi groaned, then there was a thud as he dropped his suitcase onto the carpeted floor. His steps were soundless as he moved toward the bed, yet Lulu felt his presence getting closer, his body so tuned into Xavi’s by now that he always felt him when they were together.
The bed next to Lulu dipped with Xavi’s weight, but he didn’t lie down next to Lulu.
“Aren’t you tired?” Lulu yawned, lifting his head slightly, turning his face in Xavi’s direction. He just sat there on the edge of the bed, his arms resting on his legs as he appeared to be staring a hole into the floor. Xavi looked fuckingwasted; dark shadows under his eyes. They’d had a quick, forgettable dinner at some hole-in-the-wall Chipotle place in Fort Wayne, then headed straight for the hotel.
Xavi shrugged, looking slightly defeated—the high from visiting the Lorca Museum in Gálvez earlier long gone.
“It’s just that when you book a fucking twin room, you expect to get a fucking twin room. Not a double,” he murmured, rolling his shoulders, tension emanating off him.
“Hey,hermano.” Lulu rose, resting his head on his elbow. “It’s not the end of the fucking world.” Then something passed through him, some sort of realization. Perhaps Xavi truly didn’t want to sleep next to him. Swallowing, Lulu’s heart clenched with pain. “But if you want, you can have the bed, and I’ll sleep on the floor. It’s no big deal.” Itwasa big deal, but he’d sleep on the floor like a damn dog if Xavi wanted him to.
“You’re not sleeping on the fucking floor,” Xavi snapped, getting up, pulling off his leather jacket, and placing it over the back of a chair on top of Lulu’s. “Just… just keep to your side of the bed,vale? I don’t want you…” He trailed off, bending to open his suitcase, rummaging around in it.
“In your space?” Lulu got up too, but instead of walking toward his own suitcase, he headed in a beeline toward Xavi. “That’s what you mean, right?” Usually, Lulu would’ve let it slide. Xavi’s sudden mood swings, because they were common, usually didn’t bother Lulu. It was just part of Xavi and who he was. But for some reason, Xavi’s rejection felt like a slap in the face. It felt cruel somehow, and Xavi was never cruel. Perhaps it was because of the closeness Lulu had felt earlier today when Xavi had read Lorca to him. Perhaps it was because of the rare vulnerability Xavi had shown, letting his guard down, letting Lulu inside his innermost secret parts for once. Perhaps it was just because Lulu was tired, because he’d reached the end of his rope, after the miles and miles spent on the road. Regardless, something snapped inside Lulu, like an elastic band that had been stretched and stretched over the years until it could no longer hold.
Getting right up close to Xavi, fists clenched at his sides, his heart racing in his chest, Lulu asked, “What’sthe Loneliest Hour, Xavi?”
Xavi froze, still bent over the suitcase, his hands stilling.
“What?” Xavi’s voice came out gruff, but Lulu knew he’d heard him. Of course, he had.
“What’sthe loneliest hour?” Determination rose inside Lulu. No fucking way he was going to back down and let this go. Not after today. If today had meant just a fraction to Xavi of what it had to Lulu—and he knew it had, he was certain of it—there was no way he was going to allow Xavi to bail on him emotionally like he usually did. To shut down emotionally whenever Lulu got too close.
Xavi straightened, but didn’t turn around. His entire body vibrated, his back tense. With anger perhaps, but also something else, some underlying heat pulsating off him. Lulu felt it as though it penetrated his clothes, seeping into his skin, into his very core.
“You went through my stuff?” Xavi countered and then finally turned around. “What gave you the fucking right to stick your nose into my things?” His eyes were dark, black, eating up the usually warm brown, a nerve ticking underneath his left eye. It only made Lulu more determined to dig the truth out of Xavi, seeing how his body was in clear turmoil, an angry ocean roaring inside him.
“What’sthe loneliest hour,Xavi? Tell me.” Lulu lifted to his toes, his face so close to Xavi’s he could feel his hot breath on his chin, angry puffs of air erupting from his lips. No, not angry. Scared, more likely. Why was Xavi scared?
“It’s nothing,” he gritted, dodging Lulu’s gaze.
“Xavi.”
“It’s none of your fucking business, Lulu. Not everything is your goddamn business.” Xavi’s voice shook, his eyes two black holes staring back at Lulu. But he knew it was just a front. He saw, felt, sensed the real Xavi,hisXavi, just underneath the surface. So he decided to go all in.
“Am I thehimin your poem?” Lulu asked, his voice steady as a beat. Xavi’s eyes blew wide open, then he shook his head.
“Shut up,” he warned.
“I’mhim, ain’t I?” No fucking way Lulu was going to let this go like nothing had happened today. Like something hadn’t passed between them.Friends can be lovers. Lovers can be friends.It was right fucking there—the truth, staring them in the eyes. It always had been, but they were just too blind to see. Too cowardly, too, perhaps, afraid of losing something—the one thing—that had kept them both sane for as long as they could remember.
“Please, Lulu. If you know what’s good for you, then shut up. Okay? Just shut up.” Xavi’s bottom lip vibrated, his upper lip pulling up into a warning sneer. Xavi resembled a wounded animal that had been forced into a corner and could snap at any given moment. Lulu didn’t want Xavi to be afraid or to feel cornered, but if they could just move past this… this stare down, this tug of war, Lulu was certain there could be something there, on the other side. If they could just get to the other side, Lulu knew they’d be fine. Better even. So he decided to up his game.
“Make me, then.” Lulu tipped his chin defiantly.
“Don’t fucking push me,mano.”
Lifting his hands, Lulu placed his palms against Xavi’s heaving chest. “Push,” he whispered as he put more force behind the pressure on Xavi’s chest.
A flash of something moved through the darkness in Xavi’s eyes before a growl left his lips. Before Lulu knew what was up and what was down, he felt Xavi claspinghis upper arms roughly, blunt fingers digging into his bare skin, making his body come alive with a thousand sensations all at once. Then, Xavi’s mouth slammed against his in something that was more like a violent outburst than a kiss. Lulu sucked in a breath, surprise taking over. He’d always imagined Xavi would be soft, gentle, but this was anything but. It was brutal and demanding, the rasp of Xavi’s coarse scruff digging into Lulu’s skin like tiny needles, his teeth grazing Lulu’s lower lip. Leaning into Xavi, Lulu kept his eyes open while Xavi’s were squeezed tight, his face twisted into an almost tormented expression. Digging his fingers deeper into Lulu’s arms, Xavi’s hard tongue demanded entrance, and Lulu opened his mouth, willingly going wherever Xavi wanted to take him. He’d go anywhere Xavi needed him to go, even to the end of a steep cliff, because the fear of plunging into the unknown was less scary than never feeling like this again. Never feeling this alive with Xavi’s tongue pushing its way into his mouth, conquering him lick by lick and suck by suck.
While Xavi still tasted of their mediocre dinner, there was nothing mediocre about the way Xavi kissed him. While forceful, rapturous even, it was still tender, passionate. Xavi hummed as his tongue continued to explore Lulu’s mouth, their teeth clashing together from time to time. Tilting his head, Xavi deepened the kiss, his hands releasing their grip on Lulu’s arms, moving to his shoulders, then his neck, where they wrapped carefully, almost reverently, around his throat, like Lulu was made out of precious porcelain. Swallowing Lulu could feel the pulse thudding in Xavi’s fingers as they rested against his skin. Swaying his back, Lulu tilted his neck, baring it for Xavi in a display of submission. He wanted Xavi to dominate him, to take him. He longed for it. A possessive sound built inside Xavi’s chest, a low rumble at first, until it became primal, animalistic. In a wavelike movement, Xavi thrust his hips against Lulu’s, and he felt it then, the clear outline of Xavi’s prominent hardness, and happiness soared in Lulu’s chest. Xavi wanted him. He fuckingwantedhim.
