“Yeah?” Xavi moved inside the office, placing his worn brown leather bag on his office chair. Fuck, even Xavi’s bag was sexy, likenerdy professor with a sexy twistvibes. “How’re you getting on?” Fuck, it was like Xavi could see right through him, through all the layers of bullshit. Lulu had thought he’d have more time. It was Wednesday, and Xavi usually went straight down to the Martial Arts Center downtown after work, where he taught a self-defense class for queer kids. Shit, Lulu wished there’d been a class like that growing up. How many times had he wished as a child that he were big enough, strong enough, and that he’d been able to fight back just once?
“Oh, really well,” Lulu snorted, holding up the blank white paper between them. “Why aren’t you down at the center?”
“Asked Sheila to fill in for me today.” Xavi shrugged, then something dark flashed through his eyes, before he looked down at the floor between them. “Look, I’m… I’m sorry about last night,” he mumbled, his shoulders hunched.
“It’s oka—”
“No, please, Lulu.” Xavi looked up, regret painted across his familiar face, features Lulu knew by heart and that he would be able to draw from his memory alone. The wide jaw and the prominent chin with the subtle stubble adorning his smooth skin. All angles and sharpness, softened only by his coffee-brown eyes and the pink blush that blended with his sepia skin, like a washed-out watercolor. His finger-thick eyebrows and long lashes, which Lulu had always been jealous of. “Just let me…” Xavi’s voice shivered, a raspiness to it.
Lulu nodded, whispering a breathy, “Okay.”
Xavi took a step closer, erasing the space between them, their chests nearly touching. The warmth from Xavi’s body seeped into Lulu’s, doing things to his insides he had no words for, but that felt like scorching fire.
“I was way outta line,” Xavi continued, his voice throaty, filled with emotion. “There’s no excuse for how I behaved. I just lost it. But I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that. I just… I just got scared.” Xavi’s gaze dropped to the floor again, his chest heaving behind the shirt stretching across his pecs. “It’s not an excuse,” he mumbled.
“It’s okay,” Lulu whispered, reaching out his hand, placing it gently on Xavi’s shoulder. “I was scared, too,” he admitted. “I think…” Lulu trailed off, and Xavi looked up, a deep frown digging through the space between his brows.
“What?”
“I think I misjudged the situation, to be honest. I didn’t think he was serious…” Lulu shrugged, licking his lips, as Manu’s words echoed through his head.Just be honest. Just be honest.Inhaling deeply, he decided to just go for it. “Your words… You hurt my feelings.”
Xavi clenched his jaw, his usually full lips nothing but a narrow line tearing through his face. His eyes darkened, turning nearly black, then he sucked in a breath.
“I know,” Xavi rasped. “I’m sorry. Truly, I am.”
“I know,” Lulu murmured, tears stinging his own eyes.
“I never want to hurt you.” Xavi dug his teeth into his bottom lip. “That’s the last thing I want,hermano.”
“I know.”
“I’m so sorry I did. Please forgive me.” The words reverberated through Lulu’s body, an echo of the very same words Xavi had spoken so many years ago, when Lulu had woken up in the hospital, tubes and machines attached to his broken body.
Lulu nodded, swallowing back the lump of building emotion lodged in his throat. His voice was thick, strange, when he spoke the same words he had back then. “Forgiven. Always.”
“Yeah?” Xavi’s face lit up, a frail smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, ready to make that damn dimple pop.
“Yeah.” Lulu shrugged, feeling that telltale blush creep along his cheeks, threatening to set his entire face on fire. “Of course,osito.”
The smile grew, spreading across Xavi’s face, reaching his eyes, and Lulu’s heart almost stopped beating from how beautiful he was. Stunning, really. And it wasn’t just superficial, no, Xavi’s beauty ran skin-deep, making him the most desirable man in any way possible. Lulu swallowed. He had to rein himself in or he’d throw caution to the wind and bend over the desk this very second, begging Xavi to fuck him. To claim him and make Lulu his.
Then, without another word, Xavi wrapped him in his arms and hugged Lulu against his chest, burying his face against Lulu’s neck. Holding his breath, Lulu savored the embrace, Xavi’s familiar scent entering his nostrils, entering his lungs, making a forever home inside Lulu. Xavi’s heart pounded against his own, andbriefly, Lulu considered tilting his head, pressing a kiss against Xavi’s collarbone. Or even better yet, just dip out his tongue and lick him. Just lick Xavi. ‘Lick him and make him yours,’the devil whispered.He had no idea where the childish notion came from, but he couldn’t let go of the idea. In his mind, he dipped out his tongue, slowly sweeping it along Xavi’s collarbone, the taste of Xavi’s skin exploding on his tongue. His breath hitched in his throat, and when he felt himself harden, Lulu quickly tore himself away from Xavi’s embrace.
A shy smile lingered on Xavi’s face, his cheeks now a deep pink. Shifting on his feet, he scratched the back of his neck. Fuck, he was so goddamn gorgeous. Shaking himself, Lulu squeezed the paper that he was still holding in his hands. Xavi took a step backward, then another.
“Coffee?” He smiled shyly.
“Shit!” Lulu blurted. “I totally forgot.”
“I know.” Xavi smirked. “I got some.”
“Oh.” Lulu swallowed, trailing after Xavi as he walked toward the kitchen. Even something like fucking coffee felt like a sign from the universe that he and Xavi were perfect for each other. Like Xavi instinctively knew Lulu was going to forget buying it.
In the kitchen, Lulu hoisted himself onto the counter and watched Xavi as he prepared the coffee, the scent spreading throughout the kitchen.
“Wanna work on the speech together?” Lulu asked. “Or do you have papers to grade or somethin’?”
“Sure. When do we have to be at the theater?”
