“Maybe…” I chuckle.
“Jesus,” he shakes his head, his eyes sparkling, a broad smile lighting up his features. Then his expression turns serious, that streak of protectiveness that only ever comes out on the ice turning his eyes a shade darker. “You sure you’re ready for this, baby? Because it’s okay if you’re not. We have all the time in the world.”All the time in the world.Luke’s words echo through my chest and they’re the last encouragement I need. The most important one. Luke’s limitless patience is all I need. All I could ever wish for.I love you so much, Luke,every cell in my body whispers. It’s true. I do. I don’t know when exactly I realized that, but I love him. And my love for him makes me brave.
“I’m green,” I repeat, my voice firm and unwavering.
“Okay,” he smiles as he leans in and presses a tender kiss to the right corner of my mouth. “Can I touch you?” he murmurs against my lips, his lashes tickling my cheeks. I nod.
“Yes. I want you to,” I whisper before I lean in and kiss him back. It’s a chaste kiss, but still, his flavor explodes on my lips. He tastes like Reese’s, Gatorade, and everything that’s good and right in this world. Like promises of a ‘we’ instead of just an ‘I.’
He laughs against my lips before leaning back, a teasing glimmer in his eyes. Biting his bottom lip, his gaze trails along my naked chest, and I shiver with anticipation.
“Lie down,” Luke says. “Relax. And don’t forget to breathe,” he winks. His hand on my chest presses softly and I lie down, a shaky breath leaving my lungs. He looks at me carefully, a lock of hair spilling onto his forehead.
“I’m green,” I blurt lamely and Luke laughs, his voice so carefree and…happy. He’s so happy.I make him happy.
“Good,” he hums, leaning in over me. “That’s good, baby.” He presses a barely there kiss to the side of my neck, his hair teasing my chin. I close my eyes as I count his kisses across my neck toward my ear.One, two, three.Each kiss makes my body vibrate, my stomach a conservatory, thousands of butterflies fluttering their wings excitedly, all at the same time.
“You’re so soft,” he murmurs against my skin. “You’re amazing,” he says, and I shiver again, goosebumps breaking out all over my skin, my entire body humming. “You’re everything, Cody.” His words are like tiny promises against my skin, obliterating everything else. All my doubts and regrets. All my fears. Fuck, even my mom’s voice is blown into smithereens; every kiss, word, and touch from Luke is tearing the old me down, then building me back up again into the version of me I’ve always wanted to be. Strong. Assertive. Loved.
He licks along my collarbone, nibbling teasingly at my skin, and I think I moan, because I feel his laughter against the hollow between my bones.
“That good, huh?” he chuckles, his right hand resting on my chest, his head resting in the palm of his left hand.
“Uh-huh,” I croak, my eyes connecting with his.
“Still green?” he asks, a small frown between his brows.
“So green,” I chuckle, reaching out, brushing my fingers through his hair. “So beautiful,” I whisper. “You’re so beautiful, Luke.” And then a strange confidence overtakes me. “I like you so much, Luke.” The words have barely left my mouth before the most magnificent smile explodes on Luke’s face, his eyes turning golden.
“I like you so much, too, baby,” he says. “So very, very much.” He swallows before leaning in, his mouth catching mine. And I think I fucking whimper into his mouth when his lips part for me. His tongue meets mine tentatively and before I know it, I’m ravishing his mouth, sucking his tongue into mine, my handsburied deep in his hair. Luke’s right hand moves from my chest and trails down my side, along my ribs, down across my obliques until he reaches my waist. Wrapping his strong arm around me, he pulls me against him, our chests flush against each other. His heart is pounding against mine as I continue to explore his mouth, tasting him, claiming him. Because this is a claiming. I don’t think there’s any doubt about it. Luke’s unconditional acceptance of who I am has made me bold. And greedy. I want him. He’s mine now. He belongs to me.
I forget everything. Time. Our surroundings. Everything bleeds into the background. Myself. I forget myself and it’s the best feeling ever. There’s only Luke and this very moment. This kiss. The feel of Luke’s strong arms wrapped safely around me. I feel so safe. And wanted. So unbelievably wanted. And okay. I finally feel that I’m okay. That I’m good enough.
Before I know it, tears spill from my eyes and once a few have broken free, there’s no stopping them. They’re like torrents. Like pent-up rivers leaving my body.
“Baby. Baby,” Luke whispers against my mouth, his hands flying to my cheeks, cradling them. “What’s wrong?” he asks, an edge of worry to his voice. “Did I do something?” He sounds almost devastated. I shake my head furiously, clinging to him, tears and snot smeared across my face.
“You didn’t,” I cry. “You never do anything wrong,” I hiccup. “You do everything just right.You’rejust right. For me.” I bury my face against his neck, and I cry in earnest now, a sobbing mess against Luke’s solid form. He’s like this rock, immovable, with his arms once again wrapped around my shaking body. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like this before. With abandon. Not even when I thought my hockey career was in shambles after the injury. Not when my dad and Danny left. I never cry like this.
“You’re good, baby,” Luke coos against my head. “Everything’s good. I’m here,” he says, and I nod against his neck, smearing snot and tears into his flawless skin.
“I know,” I hiccup, my breath coming out in small puffs. “I know you are.” His fingers trail up and down my spine as he soothes me and we lay like this for the longest time, the room growing dark around us, shadows from the streetlights and passing cars dancing across the walls.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say, releasing myself from his body. He looks at me, endless amounts of care and concern in his eyes.
“What do you have to be sorry for?” he says quietly.
“I… I’m sorry for being such a mess,” I look away, swallowing down my disappointment in myself. “I ruined it. I’m sorry…”
“Cody,” his voice is insistent as his hand grabs my chin. “Look at me, baby,” he coaxes. “Look at me.” I blink nervously, my eyelashes still wet from my tears. Then I look up. Luke licks his bottom lip, a tenderness in his eyes. “If you think this is it, you better think again. This isnotit. This is nowhere near being it. This is just the beginning,” he smiles, so much emotion in his eyes that I just know that he loves me too. “You think there’s only one shade of green, baby?” he wipes a wayward tear from the tip of my nose.
“I…”
“There’s not,” he shakes his head. “I bet there are more shades of green than we can count. More greens than there are trees in this world. Blades of grass even.” I don’t know what to say. Whatdoyou say when you’re met with an endless supply of patience and limitless acceptance? “We’ll figure this out,” he says, his voice spilling over with confidence. “We did so good today. I never saw this as a one-time thing. That we would just do Victor’s exercise and then everything would fall into place. Fuck, you haven’t even done me yet.” He flushes adorably. “I might freak out, too, when you touch me.” He shakes his head, brownlocks flying all over the place. “Baby, I’m so fucking ticklish, you have no idea.”
“I think there are degrees of freaking out,” I sniff, wiping at my eyes.
“Yeah, probably,” he laughs, and the trickling sound is so contagious that I can’t hold back my own laughter. “You’re pretty good at freaking out, baby,” he teases.
