I nod slowly, swiping my palms along my sweatpants-covered thighs.
“It won’t, Coach,” I near-whisper. “It won’t affect the team. You have my word.” Coach nods as he leans back in his chair, crossing his beefy arms across his chest, his polo the same navy-blue as our team jersey, a roaring mountain lion on his chest, right above his heart.
“Good,” he hums, brushing his black beard. “That’s good. Because we’ve got a good thing going this season. And we’ve got a real shot at something great. And Mitchell’s a big part of that, but so are you, kid.”
“Yes, Coach.”
“I’ve seen what them reporters are callin’ the two of ya. The Dynamic Duo and shit like that. Every season has a favorite team, a favorite player. The guy to be. This season it appears to be you and Mitchell. So don’t fuck it up. I mean it, Luke.” It’s not often that Coach calls us by our first names, and it’s how I know he means business. It’s like when your mom full names you. It makes you look twice.
“I won’t, Coach,” I say, my heart pounding in my chest, while he drones on.
“Because the way the two of you are gelling on the ice. It’s magic. It’s what hockey dreams are fucking made of. And only the sky’s the limit.” His voice is steady as a beat, but his dark brown eyes are starting to give him away, that telltale nerve that appears whenever he’s excited about something ticking under his left eye.
“Thank you, Coach. I won’t… I won’t disappoint you, sir,” I swallow.
“The hell you will, Carrington,” he booms. “That’s why you need to keep your eyes on the end goal, you hear me, kid? Both you and Mitchell. No more shenanigans, all right?”
“Yeah, I hear you, Coach. Loud and clear. But it wasn’t Cody. He—”
“Right, right,” he waves me off. “Go home. Get some rest before our flight Wednesday.”
“Thanks, Coach.” I get up from the plastic chair and pull my gym bag across my shoulder. Turning toward the door, I feel every weary bone in my body and the image of Cody sprawled on my bed waiting for me at home seems like the one thing I need right now. As I reach for the doorknob, Coach clears his throat.
“Oh, and one more thing, Carrington.”Shit.Just when I thought I was home free. I turn around, my gaze connecting with his, an indecipherable expression on his face.
“Yes, Coach,” I rasp. He suddenly looks wary, his near-black eyes shifting between me and the large Mountain Lion poster on his office wall.
“If there were, let’s say, two team members who were together. As in a relationship or somethin’ of the sorts…” Coach tilts his head, and I hold my breath, waiting for the ground to swallow me up. “Then I’d say that as long as it don’t affect the team, then it’s nobody’s business.” I exhale a breath of relief as I wait for him to continue. “This is an inclusive team, Carrington. And I always put my best players out there. Nothin’ more, nothin’ less. All right? If you can play, you can play and all that, right, kid?”
“Alright, Coach,” I nod, and for a split second, I want to just hug him. This bear of a man with his gruff voice and his fierce eyes who’s had my utmost respect from day one on this team. I want to hug the living daylight out of him, because he’s just given me the one thing that matters the most. The one thing that I need from him more than anything. Acceptance. Coach has my back, and that’s just everything.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Cody
“You ready?” Luke takesme in, his eyes wide, an expression of careful anticipation on his face. Of awe, almost. Like I’m something rare and precious. I nod, swallowing down any doubts and concerns. This is Luke. I trust him. Victor’s words flash through my head, ‘Do you feel courageous?’ I’m not sure that I do, but I want to be brave. I want to be brave for both Luke and me so that we have a shot, a real shot at this. I crave the intimacy that Luke can give me, but before I can let go completely, I need to know my own boundaries. And Luke’s too. Victor’s right about that.
“I think so,” I murmur, my gaze trailing along Luke’s face, down his neck until it comes to a stop, my eyes lingering on his chest. His skin is golden, flawless, his nipples standing out slightly darker than the rest of him. Hermes hangs from aroundhis neck, the golden chain dangling like a pendulum in front of me. Luke’s chest is heaving; I think he’s as nervous as I am. This weird mixture of excitement and nervousness fills the space between us. A small patch of dark hair rests between his defined pec muscles, but aside from that, his upper body is smooth and hairless until below his belly button, where a trail of dark hair disappears behind the hem of his gym shorts.
‘What are you comfortable with?’he asked me earlier when I explained Victor’s exercise to him. The point of the exercise is to discover your natural boundaries. To let the other person touch you to find out what feels okay and what doesn’t. It’s about intimacy and building a deeper connection through trusting each other.
‘Uhm… I’m not sure,’I said, and it’s true. I’m not sure. Although Luke and I sleep next to each other every night in our boxer briefs, our limbs wrapped around each other like we’re two koalas clinging to each other for dear life, I’m not sure. Luke just smiled at me, patient and calm as always. Well, at least he’s calm now. It took some time to convince him I’m okay after the game and the tumble I took. I mean, I hope I am. I did land kind of awkwardly and my knee was throbbing right after the game, but after taking some Tylenol and resting, I think I’m good. I don’t want to worry Luke unnecessarily. Not after he got chewed out by Coach after the game and the two-game suspension he’s facing. I guess I’ll just have to be careful during practice tomorrow before we fly out to Montreal on Wednesday.
‘What about shorts?’He spoke.‘We see each other in shorts all the time so there’s something… I don’t know, strangely normal about that, don’t you think? I’ll wear my Atléticos. If Grizou’s with us, we’ll be good.’I nodded, laughing stupidly, while a sigh of relief left my body. It’s all so strangely normal, Luke taking the lead on most things, although I’ve had more time to adjust to the idea of being asexual. Like the first time we slept next to eachother, and we both woke up with our respective morning woods poking into each other. Because that’s what guys do. We wake up ready for a sword fight or a stick fight or whatever.This is it, I thought to myself.This is when he realizes he wants to have sex with me, and he thinks I want it too.But Luke just laughed it off, jumping out of bed, and asking me if I wanted coffee or orange juice with my breakfast.
It still surprises me how in sync Luke and I are. How attuned we are to each other, always seemingly on the same page. It’s so effortless, unlike any relationship I’ve had before. With Leo, I always felt on edge because deep down I knew he wanted more than I could offer him and that it was just a matter of time before he would realize that.
‘Yeah, I’m good with that,’I choked out while Luke slowly started removing his T-shirt, a timid smile curling along his lips. Then, before we started exploring each other and our boundaries, I told him about Victor’s colors, which are basically just the good old green-yellow-red system.
“You good?” he smiles at me now, his eyes such a deep velvety brown, pulling me in. Sometimes, I’m almost afraid my heart is going to stop beating when I look into his eyes. That their warmth was going to set off some chemical reaction inside of me andboom!My heart explodes.
“Yes,” I whisper, said heart pounding like crazy in my chest. I rub against it, my breath getting caught in my throat.
“What’s your color, baby?” Luke says, placing his hand on top of mine above my heart. “Tell me.”
“It’s green,” I rush out. I don’t want to fuck this up. I don’t. What if I’m too messed up for Luke? Too high maintenance? Too—
“You’re not,” Luke smiles at me, an edge of wistfulness in his voice. “Whatever’s going through that head of yours right now, you’re not.”Shit.It’s so scary how well he knows me by now.Like he can see inside me, touching—connecting with—my very essence. “You know that, right?” he adds, tilting his head, his hand squeezing mine.
