“Say ‘Luke, you’re the greatest.’” His warm breath ghosts across my face as he basically straddles my hips. Damn, the guy’s heavy.
“Okay, okay,” I pant. “Luke, you’re the… worst!” I yell into his face. His eyes sparkle with trouble as he frowns. Leaning closer, his face only a few centimeters from mine, he smirks.
“You’re gonna get it now,” he sneers. And then he goes for my sides again, tickling me ruthlessly until I beg, “Stop! Please, stop. I can’t…” My voice comes out in labored puffs, tears trickling from my eyes and into my hair. Leaning in against my right ear, he pants, “I love it when you beg. Do it again.” His words tickle my skin, igniting small fires where they land. I use all my strength to lift my head, our noses brushing together. “Please,” I beckon, all my wants and needs in that small word. And then it’s just there. That all-consuming need to just feel him. Taste him. And where before I would’ve convinced myself that I shouldn’t, there are only two words going on repeat in my head.Why not? Why. Not.
I close the gap between us, my lips finding his. As soon as I feel his softness against me, it’s like coming home. It’s like every unanswered question I’ve ever had is now resolved. It’shim. It’s always been him.It always will be him, my mind echoes.
Luke moans into my mouth and I swallow the sound eagerly. It’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. It’sI want this.I want you, too. It’sfinallyandmoreandnever stop. It’s a secret language only he and I know. A language that was written down ages before there was ever a Luke and ever a Cody. A language that was waiting patiently for the day that we would need it.
His tongue peeks out and sweeps along my bottom lip and I reach out and wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him closer against me. He tenses momentarily, then he relaxes again, losing himself in the kiss.Ourkiss. Holding him against me, I explore his mouth, no longer afraid that I’ll unintentionally start something that’ll be the end of us. The end before we’ve even begun. I trust Luke. I trust him completely. And I could just cry tears of joy when I realize that although Luke is making love to my mouth, his tongue grazing hungrily against mine, he’s not hard. He. Is. Not. Hard. He wants me but not like that and it’s the best fucking feeling ever.
And then, all too soon, his lips are gone, and I miss them instantly, the phantom feel of him against me still causing my skin to buzz.
“Why did you stop?” I rasp needily, chasing his mouth, trying to pull him back where he belongs. Then it dawns on me. What if it’s not enough? What ifI’mnot enough after all? “Are you—”
“Are you sure?” he says, stealing my words. His eyes are filled with pent-up longing intermingled with concern. “I mean… Isthisokay? It’s not… it’s not too much?” I shake my head furiously, tears pressing behind my eyelids.
“No,” I rush out. “It’s not too much. It’s… it’s just right.”Youare just right. Then I start laughing with relief. “It’s fucking better than right. It’s everything.” And then the tears come after all, my attempt at holding them back futile. It’s impossible not to feel everything all at once when you suddenly get the one thingthat you never thought you would have with another person. Intimacy. Nothing more. Nothing less.
“I’ve been so stupid,” I sob. “I’ve been so focused on not getting hurt again that I forgot how great it feels to just allow myself to let go.”
“You’re not stupid,” Luke murmurs. “You were just afraid.”
“I was,” I admit. “Afraid that your way of being ace didn’t match my way of being it. Shit, and it’s not even about that, is it?” I look at Luke, really look at him, anger burning in my chest. “It doesn’t matter if you’re ace or not. I realize that now. Victor made me realize that. All that matters is if we respect each other and listen to each other and…”
“And if we want the same things,” Luke smiles, brushing at my tears.
“Yes,” I whisper, wiping at my nose with the back of my hand. “If we want the same things.”
“I think we do.” Luke grins. “Want the same things. And if somewhere down the road, we run into obstacles, we’ll figure it out too. Together. Just like any other couple.”Down the road.There’s a road. For Luke and me. I nod, burrowing my face against his neck, feeling him move against me.
“You’re not hard,” I blurt stupidly, crying and laughing at the same time. “You’re not.”
Luke looks down to where our crotches meet and laughs, too. “I’m not.” Then he shrugs, looking back up at me, a playful glimmer in his eyes. “Guess I’m just not that into you,” he teases.
“Fuck you, man!” I knee him in the gut, eliciting a muffledoomphfrom him. “You’resointo me,” I grit, flipping him onto his back so that I’m now the one straddling him. He’s still not hard and I feel like the king of the world. I want to run to the window, open it and yell at suburban Pennsylvania, “Luke Carrington is not sexually attracted to me!”
“You’resooointo me,” I repeat, leaning down to his face, my lips ghosting against his. He pretend-struggles, but I hold him down. “Say that you’re into me!” I demand. I have no idea where my boldness is coming from. I’ve never been this brave before. Maybe it’s him. Maybe it’s him that’s making me brave. Maybe it’s his unconditional acceptance.
“I am. I’m so into you,” he wheezes between laughs. His eyes are swimming beneath me from unshed tears. “I’m so fucking into you, Mitchell,” he repeats against my lips, and I gobble up every single word as I kiss him again. And again. And again. I kiss him until I no longer know where I end, and he begins. Until I forget my own name. I kiss him like he’s my new favorite ice cream flavor, and he kisses me back unapologetically. And he’s still not hard. Even when I moan and suck and lick, he’s not hard. He’s so perfectly un-hard for me that I won’t ever be able to stop kissing him. And I don’t. At least, not until his mom yells DINNER! And we reluctantly let go of each other, our lips bruised from kissing, our hair all messed up. Laughing into each other’s faces like it’s the best day ever, we scramble from the bed, adjusting our clothes. Because it is. The best day ever.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Cody
So, as fancy astagliatelle sounds, it’s pretty much just a broader type of spaghetti that grows a little in your mouth when you chew it. But I don’t tell Luke’s mom that when she asks if I like the food. I tell her it’s delicious. Because it is. It’s the best meal I’ve ever had in my entire life because my body is still humming in the sweet aftermath of kissing Luke. We made out in his teenage room, on his bed, on top of his fluffy gray comforter and he didn’t get hard. I could be eating burned rice with overcooked veggies right now, and it would still taste divine.
Luke throws me occasional glances across the beautifully decorated table, his cheeks blushing a deeper shade of pink whenever I catch him. Which is often because I can’t stop looking at him either. His brown eyes are a golden honey in theflickering light from the candles and his dark-brown locks have an auburn tinge to them. He’s so beautiful, and I can’t believe that he wants me, too.Me. And yet, he does.
“So, are you two like together or what?” Elly asks out of nowhere, gesturing her fork between Luke and me, tomato sauce hanging from the pasta, threatening to land on the pristine white tablecloth. Luke coughs as he reaches for his water, taking a lengthy drink. Clearing his throat, he sends his sister a glare that could make hell freeze over.
“No. Why?” he narrows his eyes at her.
“Because it looks like you’re together,” Elly counters, theduhevident in her tone of voice. She has it down to perfection like most teenage girls, of course, accompanied by a bored, overbearing eye roll. “I mean, the way you look at each other… It kinda says it all,” she shrugs as if she can hardly muster any enthusiasm. Her sister nods like Elly just recited the holy gospel.
“And how exactly do we look at each other?” Luke says, a warning edge to his voice. Their parents are sipping wine, eating their tagliatelle like the scene currently playing out is standard operating procedure at the Carrington residence. I bet it is. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have siblings. The teasing back and forth. The unspoken threat ofI’ll get you later for that, you just wait and see. The frail ceasefire that can turn into a full-blownBattle de la Familiaat any second. Being around Luke and his sisters reminds me of how it used to be between Danny and me. How we could go from besties to mortal enemies and then back to best friends in a matter of minutes. I wish I still had that, but I also know that dwelling on the past will only bring me heartache, so I swallow it back down with another forkful of pasta.
“Like you wanna eat his face,” Lilly says, demonstratively hiding a yawn like she’s already over this and can hardly wait to get back to an episode ofThe Kardashians.
