“No, you’re right. It is,” I agree. “It’s really fucked up,” I chuckle bitterly.
“Did you ever try to find them?” He tilts his head, his eyes spilling over with sympathy, which makes me continue.
“No. I only knew that they’d gone to Twin Falls, Idaho, but notwhere, exactly. Besides, there was always that small voice in the back of my head asking me what if my mom was right, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.” He nods, reaching for my hand, grabbing it, holding it in his. His thumb strokes along my knuckles reassuringly as we sit there in the silence of the night, the rooftop so far removed from the ground that there’s no sound of traffic or other big city noises. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, Cody. I truly am.” He squeezes my hand, keeping it clasped in his, and the connection is like a lifeline, grounding me.
“Thanks,” I murmur, looking down at our joined hands.
“You could try finding him now,” Luke says, a sudden eagerness in his voice. “I mean, you’re a grown-up now and you can do whatever you want, right?” I shrug. It isn’t the first time that the thought has crossed my mind, but to be honest, I’m terrified at the idea of being rejected. I won’t be able to handle that. Then I’ll rather not know.
“Yeah, maybe.”
“You totally should,” Luke says as he rises from his seat and pushes at my legs, motioning at me to make room for him on my sun bed. I scoot over and he lies down next to me on his side on the narrow bed that’s ridiculously small for just one hockey player, let alone two. Staring into my eyes, his face brightens. “My sisters are these wicked online witches. They know all there is to know about social media and stuff like that.” I blink a few times, my gaze zeroing in on the rapid movements of his plump lips. As interested as I am in where this is going, Luke’s lips are far more fascinating, especially this close. “If you ever wanna try to find them, your dad and brother, I’m pretty sure my sisters could hunt them down in no time.”
There’s nothing but sincerity in Luke’s voice, his eyes two pools of chocolate staring right through me. I swallow as the knot in my chest seems to dissolve bit by bit. Before I know it, I blurt, “I’ve never had this before.”Fuck. Just bring out the goddamn violins.
“What?” Luke breathes, his upper lip curling with curiosity.
“Someone like you, Luke. A friend. Someone who’d do something like that for me.” It’s true, and for a moment I’m afraid that I’ve crossed a line, worried that Luke is going to laugh at me. Laugh at my vulnerability.
“Well, you better get used to it, Mitchell,” he smiles, his gaze flickering between my lips and my eyes. “Just ask Riley. I’m like that gooey stuff that sticks to your boots.”
“What?” I blurt, laughing. “Gooey stuff?” I repeat.
“Yeah. Gum, you know. I’m like gum.” He grins.
“Gum?” I shake my head at the ridiculous image that Luke is painting.
“Yeah, gum. Once I’m stuck to you, there’s no getting rid of me.” Then he seems to sober, nibbling at his bottom lip, deep in thought.
“What?” I ask, my mind still focused on the image of being stuck to Luke.
“So, it’s just you and your mom, huh?” He blushes. “No girlfriend tucked away somewhere?” The question surprises me, even though it often comes up during random conversation, I guess. The press always wants to know which players are spoken for and who are still single.
“Nah… no girlfriend,” I reply. And then, feeling brave, I counter, “You?”
“Nope, me neither, man. Never had one actually.” He continues to bite at his bottom lip, and I want to reach out and pull it from his teeth and soothe the puffy flesh with my thumb.
“Never?” I rasp, my voice sounding foreign to my own ears.
“Nope. No time,” he says, smiling.
“Yeah, tell me about it,” I aim for a carelessness in my voice, but that weird flutter is back, a storm brewing in my gut. Time seems to stretch out between us, a strange electricity in the air. I wonder if Luke feels it too or if it’s just me.
Clearing his throat, he reaches out and pulls at the string on my hoodie. Without looking at me, he speaks, his voice timid, “So, if you were to have one… would it be a girlfriend or a… a boyfriend?” He keeps looking away, his fingers playing with the string like it’s the most fascinating thing he’s ever encountered, a flush spreading across his cheeks.
“A boyfriend,” I breathe. I don’t know why, but my answer seems to release some tension in his body. He looks up with a surprised—and hopeful—smile on his face.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I nod.
“Me too,” he murmurs. “I mean, I’m into guys too.”
“Cool,” I reply lamely. And then, since I’ve already told him pretty much my entire life story tonight, I add, “I’m ace, actually. Asexual.”
“Yeah, I figured as much,” Luke says, surprising the shit out of me.
