“Yes, thank you. I’m good. Just choked a bit on a piece of meat.”
Like an old pipe finally giving in to the pressure of years and years of wear, Hank slammed his fist against the table, making his bottle of beer sway dangerously.
“That’s what she said,” he blurted, almost howling with laughter. “Or he, in this case.” Continuing to laugh, he wiped furiously at the tears trailing down his cheeks.
“For Pete’s sake.” Colton’s dark eyes were shooting daggers at his uncle by now.
Squirming in his seat next to Henry, Colton took a large gulp of his beer, while he’d gone red with embarrassment. The bright red of his cheeks continued down his neck towards the place that Henry loved the most, the patch of dark hair on Colton’s chest, now hidden by the black t-shirt. It was so soft when Henry nuzzled his nose against the spot, full of the scent of pine, male sweat and something else which was entirely Colton.
“Hasn’t it, Henry?” His wayward thoughts were interrupted by the soft and familiar sound of his gran’s voice. He realized that everyone at the table was looking at him. Colton squeezed his leg reassuringly under the table and winked. He goddamn winked at him, the bastard. He was gonna pay for that later.
“Sorry, Gran. I didn’t hear you,” he nearly squeaked as he tried to stop Colton’s warm fingers from trailing further up his leg, toward his thigh. His gran was smiling at him patiently as she repeated her question.
“I was just saying that it has been wonderful having Colton back in our small town.” To his relief, it appeared that there had been a change of subject and he sent his gran a grateful smile while she continued. “I mean, you’d already left for the military, Colton, when Henry came to stay with me, but I remember you from way back when you were just a punk driving around in that truck of yours. All the girls making those googly eyes at you… The same eyes my dear grandson makes whenever he sees you.” She smiled endearingly but Henry knew all too well what his gran was up to.
Before he could say anything though, Colton cleared his throat and placed their entangled hands on the tablecloth between their plates. For just a brief second, Colton glanced at his uncle while biting his lower lip. However, he must have found the answer he was searching for in Hank’s eyes, because he made a subtle gesture with his chin as if almost nodding to himself. As if coming to some sort of decision within. Then he looked at Henry and smiled, eyes bright and warm, the boyish dimple popping in his left cheek. When he spoke, his voice felt like a velvety blanket wrapping around Henry, finally confirming what he’d been hoping for for some time now.
“Does he now? Well, I better be the only one that he’s making those eyes at because he’s all I see.” Colton’s deep voice was filled with affection as he looked down at their joined hands.
If Henry hadn’t known from all his anatomy courses that the heart was the strongest working muscle in the human body and quite unable to explode, he would have sworn that it had done exactly just that. Exploded. Inside his chest into a million little pieces spreading out into every limb and nerve in his body.
“I am?” he blurted out, not caring about the fact that they weren’t alone. His outburst of surprise released a chuckle from his gran.
“Of course, you are,” Colton laughed at him, cheeks flushed, eyes brighter than ever before.
“Well, that clears that up then,” Hank spoke as he stood up from the table and started collecting the empty plates.
“I’ll give you a hand, Hank,” Henry heard his gran say as she went to get up. “Thank you so much, dear, for a wonderful meal. Glorious dinner entertainment as well. Couldn’t have organized it better myself,” she mused.
Even if Henry had wanted to, he wouldn’t have been able to force out a reply that made any kind of sense. Instead, when they were left alone in the dining room, he leaned in and brushed his lips against Colton’s. He felt the smile on the other man’s lips as he tasted the sweetness of beer and something spicy from the stew. As he broke off the kiss, he searched Colton’s face for any kind of regret or hesitancy. There was none, only openness and honesty. And something else, something deeper – something maybe like the start of love.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Colton
AFTER DROPPING IRISoff at the bungalow, they drove down to the creek again. It was much later than the last time they’d visited the place together, but Colton didn’t notice the chill in the air or the frost covering the barren ground. Something had shifted tonight. Something between him and Henry. But more remarkably, something inside himself had changed. He felt that he could breathe more freely after having put himself out there. Vulnerability wasn’t an appreciated character trait when you were a soldier. You needed to be tough and professional. You needed to always distance yourself – otherwise, the war would settle deep within you, festering and taking root. He’d seen that happen numerous of times. Young men breaking down. Sometimes older ones too. The final drop in an ocean of violence and destruction.
Colton knew that the war hadn’t left him without permanent marks. The physical ones had long healed and turned into faint scars covering his body like rivers and peaks on an old map. It was the mental scarring that he couldn’t seem to be able to shake off. Until tonight. This evening he’d caught a faint glimpse of what a future could be like without the ghosts of the war constantly catching up with him and pulling him under. A future filled with hope. Henry. The possibility of a shared future with this amazing man standing next to him made him shiver.
Again, it surprised Colton that it hadn’t scared him to acknowledge the budding relationship between them in front of Iris and his uncle. But it hadn’t. Perhaps because he’d never been in a relationship before, he had no preconceived image of the person being a woman. The idea of him being romantically involved with anyone had seemed just as impossible as going to the moon or wining a billion dollars. Ridiculous. Impossible.
But here he was, next to Henry. And there was no doubt that Henry wanted this too. He felt it. The question was if Colton was ready for everything that it meant. Coming out. Being together with a man in front of others. In a small town. That didn’t scare him. He’d never really cared about the opinion of others. Would he be able to give the parts of himself to Henry that he’d never given anyone before.
He didn’t mean that in a physical sense. No, fucking was the easy part. It was the emotional intimacy that scared the shit out of him. The talking. The presence. The vulnerability. Because he knew that Henry would expect no less than that. Henry was the kind of guy who wanted every piece of you in a relationship. No secrets. No hiding. No pulling away when things got hard. And Colton didn’t think that Henry deserved anything less. He guessed he just had to take it one day at a time. One foot in front of the other until one day, opening himself up to someone came just as easily to him as his next breath.
“I looked it up, you know,” Colton ended the long stretch of silence turning towards Henry. “The demisexuality part…” he trailed off, tipping his head towards the sky.
“You did?” He felt Henry’s eyes on him.
“Yeah. After the other night, when you mentioned it. I wanted to know what it meant.” He picked up a stone from the cold ground and threw it in to the water, breaking the mirror still surface. The water rippled until it quieted down again. “I think I might be that, you know. Demisexual. It sounded a lot like me, when I read about it.”
“Yeah?” Henry had moved closer to him now, his shoulder brushing against Colton’s own.
“Yeah. The part about needing an emotional bond with someone before being attracted to them. You know in a physical way.”
“Yes, I know,” he felt Henry reach for his right hand and squeeze it lightly. Reassuringly. Like a silentI’m here.Colton squeezed back, trying to tell HenryI know. Thank you.
“I know I told you that I’d never really felt attraction before. That’s true. Or at least, I thought it to be true. Now, I’m not so sure anymore. Being with you. It’s making me see things in a different light suddenly. Making me question things I’ve never questioned before.”
