A million questions were swirling around in his coffee-colored eyes, and I couldn’t blame him. I was being weird, setting everything off-balance.
I was the first to look away, turning my head into Atlas’s curls and closing my eyes, allowing myself just tofeel. To feel how good it was to have Atlas inside me. To have him hold me.
“God… you’re wrapped around me like a tight glove. And our sexy King keeps hitting that spot. I’m not going to make it,” Atlas panted into my neck.
I wrapped my arms around both of my men.My men. Even if Hugh and I were not together like that, he still belonged to me. He would always be a part of my life.
“Just let go, baby. Fill me up,” I whispered. “You don’t need to wait on Hugh or me.”
And he did. As soon as I gave him permission, his hot cum seared me.
“Fuck…” he rasped. “So good.”
My eyes flashed to Hugh, who was still staring at me. Dammit. Then they turned wide when he threaded his fingers through my hair and yanked on it so hard I couldn’t move my head, as he pummeled into Atlas, who lay prone on me. His cock slipped out, and I winced at his leaking cum. Still, Hugh wouldn’t take his eyes off me.
I reached for my cock underneath Atlas and stroked myself awkwardly. It was hard to get good friction, but it was enough since I’d been close already.
His jaw clenched, and he grunted the faster and harder he went. His eyes slid shut finally as he came into Atlas, growling as he did so.
I hadn’t come yet, so Atlas tried to suck me down, but I shook my head and rapidly rubbed one out once everyone was off me. Again, my eyes met Hugh’s as I burned from the pressure. It wasn’t until I finally came that I looked away and closed my eyes.
When we wrapped it up, we cleaned ourselves up in silence. Hugh handed Atlas his red kimono with a floral print. I’d madeeverything awkward and disjointed. Part of me felt bad, but I didn’t regret asking Atlas to fuck me.
Before we walked out of there, Atlas slid an arm through the crook of mine and Hugh’s. “Enough. We’re being all weird, and I don’t like it. Not one bit.”
“Sorry, I’ve just been in a mood today. It’s nothing personal,” I said, lying smoothly.
“Are you sure that’s all there is?” Hugh asked, now refusing to meet my eyes.
“Yes.”
It wasn’t the time or place to talk. I needed to think through some things first before broaching this sensitive topic.
In all honesty, I didn’t think I could take this relationship as it stood any longer. I loved both men, and I wanted this relationship to thrive, but I needed Hugh, too. This wasn’t sustainable any longer for me. We were all getting too close. I understood some polyamorous relationships work like ours, and it would’ve been great had I not been in love with Hugh for-fucking-ever.
The more we double penetrated Atlas, and the more my feelings grew, the more I needed to back out of this. It was unfair to them both. If I stepped out of the picture, maybe Hugh could find love in Atlas. He was happy with him, and he’d made it clear we were only cousins, nothing more.
Fuck, but I wanted Atlas, too, which made this conundrum even more complicated. I didn’t want to let him go. He’d become just as precious to me.
I couldn’t be mad at Hugh. His choices and boundaries were reasonable. I was the one being unreasonable, expecting something serious with him. No, not expecting. Hoping. Could I only love one man? Sure, and I did, though I hadn’t been vocal about it yet because of my internal conflicts. It wasn’t fair todump that on him currently, at least not until I got my head on straight.
The three of us were in a serious relationship. Could I live with it forever? Or as long as it lasted? What if Atlas wanted to get married? Hugh wasn’t the marrying type. I wasn’t either, not that I was against it.
Shit, these were things I needed to think about.Seriously,think about it. Once I got my head on straight, I’d talk to them.
As we passed a row of rooms with red sheer curtains, Atlas dragged us to a stop.
“It’s them,” he whispered. “Can we watch for a bit?”
I didn’t like him watching his old roommate get railed by two guys all that much, but that was ownership on my part. I trusted him not to seek other men outside of our relationship.
There were two seats available, so Hugh and I sat down, and he climbed onto my lap and leaned into Hugh. He always made sure both of us were always touching him.
My mood hadn’t improved, but watching the three other men was a good distraction.
Knox, the older man, was clearly the one in charge. Their dynamic was fluid and natural. After Knox finished coming inside Finn, he plugged the young man up.
“Oh, I like that. They have to wear each other’s cum. So hot!” Atlas exclaimed loudly. “You’ve done that to me before. I love wearing a part of each of you, like a dirty secret.”
