My chest goes tight and another wave of panic sets in. Oh, god! I hope I didn’t just fuck everything up?
* * *
I pace the apartment, having a mini freakout while Gallifrey looks like he is contemplating whether to admit that he knows me when it all goes down. “Yeah, well, me too buddy, me too!”
Jules texted when she left, letting me know that Finn is downstairs at Ink Me so he’s probably working the late shift.
My anxiety is on a whole other level tonight. My insides are shaking and my mind is racing. What if he is ghosting me like all the other men when I show them the parts of me I keep to myself? Jules’ words echo in my head, and I know that she’s right.
My brain refuses to pick a side, so it’s time for me to. I can do this. I can just explain what happened. It’s no big deal… Agh, who am I kidding? Itisa big deal.
If I saw another man with his arms around Finn, I would be heartbroken. I never thought my heart would be wrapped up in someone like Finn. Even after everything he has gone through, his soul has stayed intact somehow. Plus, he is really fucking hot and I want to see him naked again.
He has never pressured me for sex. He has shown me all the other ways that we can be together without fucking. But… I may alsowantto be doing the fucking!
Everything feels different with him. I feel sexy and secure. He encourages me to love myself, instead of telling me to lock that shit up tight. Whatever happens, even if he leaves, I would never regret losing my virginity to Finn.
The thoughts of Finn fucking me are not helping to lower my blood pressure. I’ve probably run a mile with the amount of pacing I’ve done.Oh, god!I check my armpits.Okay, we are still good.I just took a shower. I didn’t want sweaty pits.Wait, what if he is a sweaty pits guy? He does not seem to be, but you never know.
I look at the time on my phone. Finn should be home by now. I take a couple of deep breaths.Okay Spencer, trust your heart! You’re not above groveling!
I head to the door. Gallifrey rushes past me. What the? That is way too much pep in the step for a grumpy ass cat. He paws at the door, and I cock my head in amusement. Gallifrey is an indoor cat. The outside world is too much for him and he prefers laying in his 6th window hammock.
“Sorry, old man, you have to stay here.”
“Meow.”
“Just let me fix this and then you can go all crazy for his treats. Until then, keep it together!”
I quickly open the door and turn, bending down to push a very determined Gallifrey back into the apartment, and shut the door. When I stand back up and turn, I run smack dab into a familiar warm body. Finn’s arms sneak around my waist to stop me from toppling over, and my body, starved for touch, revels in the feeling.
“We should really stop meeting this way,” he says.
“Two right feet, remember?” I whisper.
“Nah, you’re just keeping everyone on their toes.”
My chest tightens, remembering the first time those words were spoken. Finn gives me a soft kiss on my lips, then pulls away. “Can we talk?”
“Umm, yeah, of course. Do you want to come in?”
“Yes, unless are you on your way somewhere? If you’re busy, we can…”
“No… no, I was just coming over to see you, actually.”
“You were?” He cocks his head, one brow raised.
“Yes,” I say with a laugh. “The universe mustreallywant us to talk.”
“Come on, let’s give her what she wants,” Finn says with a smirk.
I chuckle. “Fair warning when we enter. Ever since you gave him those treats, Gallifrey has been pining for you. We’ve added sad country songs to the list of music I can’t play.”
I open the door and Gallifrey runs to snake through Finn’s legs, rubbing himself against him like he never thought he would see him again. I roll my eyes.Dramatic much?Oh, whatever! I want to rub myself up against him too, but I refrain.
“Come here, G!” Finn reaches down and picks him up. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.” In his pocket, he pulls out a handful of treats and sets them on the floor next to his dish. My breath catches, my heart wanting to jump out of my chest in a desperate need to throw myself at him.
We are soon long forgotten, and Finn takes my hand and walks me to the couch where we sit. Not on his lap, like I would like to be, but if I move two inches to the left, our knees would be touching.
