Spencer: Well, I have some studying that I need to get to, only one more week of tests to go. I just wanted to say dinner was nice, and ya know.
Finn: I had a great time at dinner, the food was amazing and the company could not have been better. I got lucky in the neighboring department.
Finn: I have been meaning to ask, do we share a wall?
Spencer: Yes, so please do not play any Jazz or R&B. I can’t be held responsible for the sounds you hear or things that Gallifrey does to this wall.
Spencer: It gets dark, like he needs a smoking jacket and a pack of smokes at the end, dark.
Finn: I don’t know if I could stand in the way of a cat and his seductive love for Marvin Gaye, but I will try my best.
Spencer: Goodnight Finn
Finn: Goodnight Spencer. Good luck with your test.
Spencer: Thank you!
Finn: Dinner’s on me.
Spencer: Sounds perfect.
Setting my phone down, I feel my fingers start to itch. Getting up, I go to the fridge and get another beer, then over to the desk for my sketchpad. I head back to the couch, plop my ass back down, start another episode of Doctor Who, and let my hands be my therapy.
When I’m feeling lost, angry, sad or even happy, I draw. Tonight has been a roller coaster of emotions, so I just let my fingers do the work. Calm takes over me and I have no idea how long I’ve been drawing. Before I know it I have the most beautiful pair of familiar eyes staring back at me. Then I went and did something I don’t do a lot of when I sketch. I reached for my blue.
* * *
The blood, there is so much blood that it’s soaking through my clothes. My hands are stained crimson red. My whole body is shaking uncontrollably while I’m cradling her head, rocking back and forth. Her deep green eyes staring back at me. “No, no, no, come on Jacqueline, breathe, please breathe.” The adrenaline coursing through my body is making things come in and out of focus. My heart is beating so hard I can hear it. Eventually, the screaming and yelling come into focus.
That is when I realize they are coming from me.
I’m startled awake, sweat covering my body and tears still in my eyes from the worst moment in my life.
It wasn’t my fault!
* * *
My eyes feel like sandpaper and I’m sure I have deep circles. The lack of sleep the night before is something I’m used to. The nightmares come in waves. Just when you think you might drown, the calm comes, but only long enough to give you hope, then it comes crashing in again.
Walking into the shop with my 3rd cup of coffee, I’m ready to start the day. I pop my head into Jaxon’s office to say good morning.
“Morning, Jaxon.”
“Hey Finn, how was your… umm, dude, you look like shit.”
“Yeah, I didn’t get much sleep last night,” I say, taking another sip of my coffee. Then panic kinda sets in.
“I mean, I’m fine. It won’t affect me. I’m used to it.” Crap, I don’t know if that just made it better or worse. The silence is not on my side. Fuck!
“Beckett told me about the nightmares.” My eyebrows rise in surprise. “Don’t be mad at him, but I needed to know what I was getting into. But yeah, I know.”
Well, that is kinda good, I guess. At least he doesn’t just assume I had been out partying all night or some shit like that.
“Has your family tried to contact you since you left?” he asks.
Oh Beckett, you spilled all the goods.
“I’m assuming Beckett let you in on his little theory?” I say with an arched brow.
