First kisses are awkward and clumsy, but this, this was a perfectly executed dance. The sound of his whimper is playing on repeat in my head, and my cock been hard as a rock since the moment our lips touched.
I’ve never dated much. I fucked a lot, but dating, no. My life was too fucked up. I settled for shitty hand jobs and blow jobs in club bathrooms. The occasional fuck from a stranger after a night out at the bar. Yet here I am, after one kiss, thinking of the word boyfriend with longing in my chest. Which is just stupid. I mean, there is no way that Spencer would ever want someone like me for a boyfriend. He belongs with someone who is smart, more advanced in life. Someone who has more to offer. I have absolutely nothing to offer. I’m a loser whose life revolved around the dark, dirty sides of drugs and alcohol.
My goal was to keep my head down, finish school, save up some money, and then walk away. And I did it too, kept my head down, graduated, saved up enough money to start a new life, then Max stole every cent I had to buy drugs and support his gambling addiction and it left me with nothing.
I know I need to turn my phone back on, but I don’t want to hear whatever shit they have to say. I packed up and left without a word. And I sure as hell don’t want them to know where I am. This time, I need to be strong and put my life firmly back into my hands. This is the best opportunity I’ve had to change my life. I can’t fuck this up!
Giving in, I grab my phone and turn it on. It instantly lights up with multiple text messages, and voicemails.Fuck!I should just delete them, but I don’t.
“Finn, baby, it's Mom. Where are you? I’ve been trying to call. Listen sweety, um, mommy needs some money. Rent is due in a couple of days, and my check doesn’t come for another week. I need you to call me back right away.”
God, she sounds so strung out, like she is itching for a fix. Her voice is shaky and weak. I know for a fact that her check comes before her rent is due. She won’t pay me back, no way. This happens every month. She doesn’t need it for rent; she needs it for drugs. Of course, I highly doubt she has paid her rent at all.
I hit delete, and listen to the next one.
“Finn, honey, this is not funny. Where are you? I need the money now. You owe me. I clothed you and fed you. After everything you’ve done, it’s your fault. YOU ruined your own mother’s life, you selfish asshole.”
And there she is. Delete, next.
“Hey Finn, just checking in. Did you get all settled? You’re gonna fall in love with the Bay, I’m telling you. If you want to know any of my hidden spots to check out, let me know. I got you covered.”
Beckett, bless his soul, deserves all the good things in life.
It's the very next message that makes me want to throw my phone in the river.
“Finn, you motherfucker. Where the fuck are you? Do you know what you’re doing to Mom? I know you have the money. You better get it here or I’ll kick your motherfucking homo ass. You queer piece of shit.”
DELETE!
I delete the rest of the messages, not even bothering to listen to them. Same with the texts. This can’t happen anymore. I block both numbers in my phone and make a vow to get my number changed if that does not work. I moved across the country to change the trajectory of my life. It’s time to follow through and let go of the past. Step one is cutting all ties, and that is something I’m ready to do.
Anger rolls through my body in waves. As I read the last text message, the anger I had been feeling is replaced by a tender, comforting sensation.
Spencer:I had a great time at dinner tonight and thanks again for fixing the stairs.
He texted about 10 minutes ago, so he must still be up, too. I wonder if he is a morning person or a night owl? Does he need to be bribed to get out of bed like me?
Finn:That is your last ‘thank you’ allowed, but you’re welcome.
Finn: Next time I hear you say thank you, I’m going to thank you for saying thank you by taking you out to dinner this time.
Spencer: Oh, that sounds all very confusing.
Spencer: How many was I allowed? I must have missed the pre-dinner rules.
Finn: You are allowed one.
Spencer: Well, that is just ridiculous.
Finn: I don’t make the rules.
Spencer: Huh, who makes these said rules?
Finn: Oh, it’s the Secret Society of Gratitude, or SSOG, it’s all very cloak and dagger.
Spencer: Of course the SSOG. Who can forget about them?
He’s funny and has this quirky sense of humor that makes me laugh. His entire presence makes me feel good. Being with someone like Spencer has never been an option for me. I need to fix myself, because nobody deserves to live in the life that I lived. After that, then maybe I could dream about sharing my life with someone like him.
