I don’t know how much to tell him. If I fill him in about my life in LA, I’m positive he will run faster than the words tumble out of my mouth. Concentrating on work and getting my career in order should be my number one priority, but I like Spencer. Even if it’s only as friends, he is the kind of person I want to surround myself with.
“No, there isn’t anyone waiting for me. There hasn’t been someone there in a long time. California isn’t my home anymore, and I don’t think it ever was.”
“Are you here permanently?” The expression of Spencer’s voice sounds almost hopeful.
“In all honesty, I don't know. Whether or not Jaxon keeps me after the 6 months are up plays a big part.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that would. From what I know of Jaxon, he wouldn't have hired you if he didn’t believe in you.”
That’s the part I struggle with. I have been nothing but dragged down. It makes it hard to even believe in myself. I don’t think my confidence is quite there yet. I take another bit of pasta and make a mental note to order this again.
“What about family?” Spencer asks.
My heart rate speeds up, and shame and disappointment flood through me. I need to be honest; I can’t lie to the people in my life I want to keep, and I think he is someone I want to keep.
“My mom and my brother are back in California. They’re part of the reason why I left.” Letting a breath swoosh through me, I continue. “My mom is a junkie, addicted to coke, and my brother has been in and out of jail for all kinds of things, from drugs to stealing to assault. I needed to make something of my life and the only way I could do that is leave.”
“Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. That must have been a hard choice.” I nod my head because if I tried to speak right now my voice would break. The decision I made was the most difficult of my life. I have Beckett, my only friend, otherwise I navigated my fucked up life alone.
“Umm, my mom is not a good person. Being strung out on drugs has made her very hateful and abusive. She blames me for a lot of things in life. Things that I know deep down were not my fault. After a while, all those words seep into your soul and you begin to believe them. Mentally, I couldn’t hang on anymore. I knew I needed to let go or I wouldn’t come back from it.” Taking in a deep breath, I exhale on a rush. I just spilled way more than I intended. Too deep for first date material.
“So at the age of 27, I walked away from my life and took a beautiful road trip and moved to Maine.”
“I can relate to just how much words can tear you down. I know that I just met you and all, but I’m proud of you.Literallymoving across the country in order to better your life, that takes guts,” Spencer says with a chuckle and I laugh, because, yeah, moving from one side of the country to the other is a bit extreme.
“Thank you.”
Thankfully, we move on to lighter topics while we both devour our meals. Spencer tells me more about the sleepy little town. Between the college and tourist season in the summer, it keeps Camden Bay afloat, with new people coming in and out all the time. He mentions that the locals are a tight-knit group. I’m starting to see that.
“Do you know if there are any art supply stores around?” I ask, dunking my bread into the pasta sauce.
“No, unfortunately not… Maybe that’s something I should start selling at the bookstore,” he says with a small laugh. “I’ve been trying to think of ways to drum up business. With everything online nowadays, it is hard to be a bookstore. I have some ideas, and one big one. I just don’t know if I have the guts to do it.”
“It looks like we both have hard decisions to make in our lives,” I say.
He looks up and nods. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“I know I don’t know you that well,” I say with a laugh as I use Spencer’s earlier words against him.
“But I can see how much Dragonfly means to you. And it sounds like you have a whole town standing behind you. The love you have for Dragonfly, and the love this town has for you, that is what will make you succeed.”
A smile crawls across his face and I have never seen anything more beautiful. My hands want to move, they need to sketch; they ache to touch.
“Thank you. I needed that reminder.”
Once we are all done eating, Emma comes over with the bill and sets it on the table in between us. I reach for it when Spencer’s hand bats mine away.
“Nope, don’t even try,” he says, shaking his head. “I asked you out for dinner and this is my thank you for fixing the stairs, remember?”
“Ok fine, but next time it’s on me.” He nods in agreement and smiles.
Yes, there is going to be a next time.
I didn’t think The Diner could get any busier. As we make our way to the front door, people are lined all the way out. Stepping in front of Spencer, I weave through the crowd. Instinctively, I reach behind me and grab his hand so we don’t get separated.
Once we make it through the door, the cool night washes over us as I take in the ocean’s smell. There is no smog or dirt, just clean, fresh air.
We walk back to the apartments, neither one of us letting our hand drop.
