“I am, but...”
“You have children?”
Swann appears confused. “Well, yes, but—”
I interrupt him for the second time because I don’t want to hear about their happy family life. “I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want to talk to her.” I’m too hurt. Too sad. Too overwhelmed. Every sound of her sobbing is like a splinter pushing into my skin. “Take me to Anu.”
They bring me tea and toast. Mother dabs away her tears. I sense she is desperate to talk, but knows that I need space. The other man, Mitch, is younger. Less intrusive. He tells me that he’s a police detective inspector. I agree to talk to him. There is another lady, there for my welfare. My mother is dry washing her hands. She looks like she’s found the last piece of a puzzle, but can’t quite make it fit.
We are left alone, just Mitch and me, and he explains that our interview is being monitored. I don’t think I have a choice, so I let it pass. I’m used to being told what to do. He asks me questions, but I have one, too.
“Where’s Anu?”
He takes his time answering. His eyes are sincere. “There was an incident. Anu died.”
I stare at him as my world moves around me yet again. “He...he’s dead?”
He nods. “Yes.”
Heat rises from my chest up to my neck. “How...where?”
“In Finland. I can’t go into details about the investigation, I’m afraid.”
I feel dizzy and sick. He asks if I would like a drink of water and hands me the glass. I sip slowly, buying time. There’s a ringing in my ears. Anu can’t be gone. Not yet. I look to the man before me, my eyes puffy from crying as I speak my thoughts aloud.
“What do I do now?”
Mitch leans forward in his seat. “Tell me everything.”
My old self died the day Anu pulled the trigger in the woods. I lay there, crouched in the snow, believing I’d never see Mama again. I’ve felt real fear. But I’ve never before experienced loneliness as intense as that day. I’d always put Mama on a pedestal. She was a superhero in my childish eyes. That part of me—the part that still believed in her—dissolved in the snow that day. Anu’s gun wasn’t loaded. He hadn’t had time to do that. Nor had he pulled the trigger to frighten me. I saw the surprise register in his eyes when the gun didn’t go off. It gave him enough time to cool down. To emerge from the rage that controlled his movements and warped his thoughts. He dragged me inside, my horse nothing but a speck on the horizon. He asked me why I did it and, through a haze of snot and tears, I blurted out everything. I confessed that I’d written the note and told him I’d wanted to escape. I don’t know why I blurted it all out when I should have been thinking about my precious horse. But I was in shock, and everything fell away.
The strangest thing happened that day. Anu looked around the cabin as if seeing it with new eyes. He gazed at the shoddy furniture that was falling apart. At the smoke-stained walls and the cracks in the floors. He said if I wanted to leave, then we’d leave. I think he feared what he might do if we stayed there any longer. He said there was nothing holding us there. Then he promised to bring me to England and reunite me with my mother. After everything he’d told me about her, his words didn’t feel real. All he asked for was my loyalty, because people wouldn’t understand. That night we stayed up for hours discussing our escape plan. He told me Johanna had a sister named Katariina. The thought of someone else knowing about us shocked me to the core. Anu didn’t like being asked questions, but he said they weren’t close. Johanna went to see Katariina a few months before she died and told her everything. “And she didn’t call the police?” was all I could think of to say. Anu had shaken his head. “What would be the point?” he’d replied. “It was too late by then.”
He said that Katariina had contacts. That she’d promised to help us move away. It would take time, but it would be the best thing all round. I cried with relief. I sobbed for my beautiful horse, which I would never see again. My bedroom door was unlocked. I had no reason to run. But I should have known that Anu was only doing it for himself. The next day we were on the road. He was only running because he was scared someone would find the note. We rented a room in Helsinki while Anu sorted everything out. Johanna had left him money. He told me not to worry about things. It took him twelve weeks to sort out my passport. I never left the flat during that time. I used to hear him on the phone, talking to Katariina. I tried asking about Johanna’s home life; I itched with curiosity and a need to understand what drove her. But Anu said that Johanna was just like everyone else. That sometimes people took what they wanted because it felt good. I didn’t like the way he looked at me when he said that, and it brought my questions to an end.
After all my years in captivity, the airport terrified me. Being surrounded by so many people left me unable to speak. Anu bought me headphones and told airline staff I was autistic. We rented a flat in Lincoln. Two weeks later he sat me down and said that Mama had moved away. He made me hope that I’d see her, bought my compliance with a promise to keep trying to find her. But it was lies, all of it. Because that’s what Mitch is telling me. He said Mama never gave up. Mitch asks if Anu hurt me. I can’t bear to talk about the time he tried to make me his “wife.” It didn’t work out long-term. If I was able to do everything he wanted, maybe he wouldn’t have gone out looking for other girls. I cleaned and cooked while Anu worked as a delivery driver for cash in hand. I liked keeping busy. We settled into a routine. I didn’t know about the other girls until much later on. By then, it was too late.
Mitch makes notes as he slowly prises all of this from me. I haven’t told him everything. I don’t know who I can trust, and Anu’s hold is still strong.
Hours have passed. He stops to give me a breather. I’ve asked for some time alone. I still feel distant from myself. I know that Mother is watching. I’m too ashamed to speak any more. Too scared to open my mouth. It’s like there are four different people nudging each other for space in my brain. Liisa from Porvoo; she’s scared and wants her grandma. Then there’s the girl in the rundown cabin whose mother didn’t come for her. There’s the person who hated Mikael and Johanna. Then there’s the woman who felt sorry for Anu, who needed him—the person who is so mixed up in the head that she wants to see him one more time. I am all of these things.
Anu said that he’d come back for me. I waited. Hours passed, then days, living on my nerves. He left me in the hotel, with no money and no food. He didn’t have Kukka, my beautiful horse, to manipulate me with; he had something else. Something so strong that I was forced to do anything he asked.
I nibbled on the hotel’s Lotus biscuits, every mouthful turning to dust in my mouth. Made tea and coffee until the little plastic cartons of milk ran out. Took some more from the cart in the hall when the maid wasn’t looking. Then the time came to check out. I waited until the last possible moment, paralysed by fear. I had no choice but to leave. I knew in my heart that Anu was either arrested or dead. I never imagined that he would abandon me. I can’t believe that he’s gone. I press my hand to my stomach, willing the nausea to settle. I’m used to rules. Orders. Consequences. But now there’s nothing and that terrifies me, because now I don’t know what to do. I’ve got another secret, and it’s tearing me apart. I can’t keep it in, but who can I trust?
Chapter 68
Swann had watchedElea as she observed the interview from the monitoring room. She’d sat, unblinking in her swivel chair, her face illuminated by the computer screen. Someone had left a notepad and pen on the desk, but Elea hadn’t needed them. Swann knew she was committing every word of the interview to memory. He’d stood silently, watching each emotion play out on her face. Now she was respecting her daughter’s request for privacy, even though she didn’t know what she was being punished for. Now that Swann understood the bond of parenthood, he admired her even more. She had stayed so strong, steadfastly believing that her daughter was alive, despite evidence to the contrary.
His team had been elated when the news came in. As for Swann, he still could barely believe it. If Liisa didn’t look so much like her mother, he’d be asking for a DNA test first. But there was no doubting her parentage, at least on her mother’s side. Elea had never disclosed the identity of Liisa’s father. Swann presumed she’d had her own reasons for that. He had pushed her for a name after Liisa was first taken, but Elea had refused to budge. She’d made it clear from the start that Liisa’s father was not in the frame.
Now she was sitting, mesmerised, watching her daughter onscreen, drinking a cup of coffee and staring into space. Liisa was a traumatised young woman whose view of the world had been skewed. Swann couldn’t predict her reactions now that she was physically free, because they had barely touched the surface of what she had been through. Her mental chains would take much longer to escape from. Such things were best left in the hands of the professionals. Swann had made calls. Referrals had been set up. Plans were under way. Both Elea and Liisa needed their help today. But first they had to update the case. Had Liisa been present when Chelsea Hobbs died? What if she’d helped with the disposal of Jenny Flynn’s body? He prayed, for Elea’s sake, that wasn’t the case. Because Liisa hadn’t come forward or reported herself missing to the police. Anu had been a victim once, too. Judging from the information they’d gathered, he had turned killer over the years. Was Liisa really held captive all that time? Or had she turned a blind eye? Questions would be asked with regard to her involvement in the crimes. Swann left Elea alone with Mitch as he slipped into the monitoring room.
He met Nessin his office. Their meeting had been prearranged after she’d updated him on her latest findings. Swann had requested full call-logs from Anu’s recovered mobile phones.
She handed him the paperwork. “I’ve highlighted the most interesting passages, boss.” She kept her voice low. He’d already received the email, but preferred paper copies. When it came to policing, he was a proud dinosaur. Now his team’s movements were guarded, as they couldn’t afford for Elea to find out. Not until they were sure. Because if the texts found on Anu’s phone were correct, Elea’s life was going to change yet again.
“Not a word to anyone. Not until we’ve had a chance to check this out,” Swann instructed Ness as he read each word. It was a matter of urgency. If this was true...it was another bombshell about to drop.
