“Yes,” Elea laughed, tears reaching her eyes. “I’m here.”
Liisa was trembling now. “Why didn’t you find me?”
“I tried,” Elea spoke into her daughter’s blonde hair. “I really tried.” She wanted to offer comfort, but Liisa’s body turned tense.
“Not hard enough.” Liisa erupted in a maelstrom of emotions as she pushed her mother back. “Not hard enough!” she repeated, both fists on Elea’s chest.
Elea faltered, then regained her composure, willing to take the blows as her heart broke more than she knew was possible.
“Hey.” Mitch stepped between them, halting Liisa’s movements. “I’m Mitch. I work with your mum.” He smiled, taking Liisa in. He glanced pointedly at the sleeping bag. “You must be freezing. Let’s get you somewhere warm.”
Liisa stared at him as if she’d been dropped into another reality.
It’s too much for her, Elea thought, grateful as Mitch intervened. Their unease was unsettling the horses, which had moved away.
“Where’s Anu?” Liisa slapped away her tears, her face pink from the cold.
Mitch picked up her sleeping bag and a nearby rucksack. “My car isn’t far from here. Let me just...gather up your things.”
“Take me to him.” Liisa’s voice sharpened. “I need to see Anu. Now.”
“OK,” Elea said, because she needed to get her away from here. A police station would provide safety. People to talk to. She couldn’t tell her about Anu yet. “Mitch will bring us to the station. Yes?” She still couldn’t quite believe her daughter was standing in front of her.
Liisa eyed her cautiously. Looked around the space with dazed eyes. Elea was hit by the surreality of it all, too, as her daughter gazed wistfully at the horses as they plodded through the frosted grass. “I used to have a horse. Her name was Kukka. Anu bought her for me.”
Elea nodded, feeling sick as she listened to Liisa describing the man and his affinity with animals. “You’ve always loved horses.”
Liisa nodded sadly. She took her rucksack from Mitch’s grip. “Let’s go. Before her owner comes.”
This was not the reunion Elea had dreamed about, but inside she was elated. She wanted to sing, to dance, to cry. Liisa was alive. But she was looking at Elea with the eyes of a stranger. Her daughter was fragile and broken. She needed handling with care.
Elea dialled Swann’s number. He picked up after two rings. Finally she uttered the words she had longed to say for countless years. She took a deep breath as Swann asked if everything was OK.
“We’ve found her. Liisa’s alive.”
Chapter 67
Liisa
After all these years, I am free. But I don’t feel free. Fear has wrapped itself around me, squeezing so tightly that it’s hard to breathe. It feels like I’ve been living underwater and have come up for air in a world I don’t recognise. The city air feels sharp and dirty, foreign to my lungs. I had to get away to an open space, to the quiet, where the horses are.
Lincoln is a small city, but it feels loud and chaotic to me. The drone of aeroplanes flying to the nearby military base. The music rising from buskers on the city streets. The soft chatter from people who ask you to give to charity. Then there’s the restaurants. Students eating junk food in the open air. Laughing. Shouting. Litter. Traffic building up, halting at the sound of the pedestrian crossing as it beeps that it’s safe to walk. Everything tears at my insides. I can’t cope with the smells and sounds. It’s all too full of chaos. There are so many people. I went looking for the nearest police station after I left the hotel. But then I remembered Anu talking about the horses on West Common. I started calling him by his real name sometime after Johanna died, long after he’d shared his secret with me.
I follow my mother to the car, feet tripping over each other as if I’ve forgotten how to walk freely on my own. I flinch as the man standing at the door raises a hand to guide me inside. He smiles an apology. I ask if I can sit in the front. He agrees. My mother gets into the back. The scent of her perfume takes me to a life long ago, but I can’t bear to look at her. The woman who forgot about me. How can a mother do that to her child? I stare at my feet, head down, as I always did when in the car with Anu. Hands clasped on my lap. No sudden moves. My hair hanging over my face like a curtain.
“Are you OK?” My mother’s voice is strained.
I won’t—I can’t talk to her anymore. The palms of my hands are clammy, and I can’t stop the tremble in my limbs. I clasp my hands tighter together. I need to sit in peace. She sits back. We drive in silence. I am grateful.
I lower my window as the countryside comes into view and inhale a breath of fresh air. We reach a wide car park. I glance upwards at the building before me. The man—I think his name is Mitch—speaks with a kindly voice. “We’re at the police station, Liisa. You’re safe here. We can get you some food, a drink...” He pauses as the sound of my mother crying softly rises from the back seat. I sense these are happy tears. Why? She never came for me.
I am takento a quiet room, with blue sofas and window blinds. There are cameras in the corners of the ceiling. My body aches with exhaustion. I haven’t slept properly in weeks. I recognise the man who comes to greet us. He whispers something to Mum. Whatever it is, it makes her smile. I sense a closeness between them, and jealousy harpoons my chest. He is tall and broad and blocks the light from the window as he stands before me.
“You’re her husband,” I say, narrowing my eyes. “You took her away from me.”
His eyebrows rise at the accusation. He seems taken aback. “What? I...no—”
“You’re not her husband? Your name isn’t Richard Swann?”
