Welcome back, Coach Rourke.
She flipped the envelope over to see the front, already knowing that she’d find the letter or whatever was inside addressed to Levi.
“What is this?” she asked, looking up at him, hating the tremorin her voice.
“Haddie…” he said again, softer this time. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“Really?” She brandished the envelope at him. “Because it looks like you’ve been reinstated, and you didn’t tell me.”
He shook his head, holding up his hands as he took a step forward, treating her like a feral animal that could be easily spooked.
“I wasn’t reinstated. I can’t be until a year is up. But Chancellor Barnes found a loophole. I can’t have direct contact with the team or attend the games, but he wants me around to consult with my replacement because he’s apparently tanking the team.”
Haddie rolled her eyes, still holding the envelope out like a shield. “Semantics, Levi. You’re not reinstated, but you’re still leaving before next summer. Am I right?” She should have stormed off when he didn’t answer, but she needed him to say it. She needed him to prove she was right, had always been right. “Am. I. Right?” she asked again.
He let out a defeated breath. “As long as Coach Crawford signs off on it and Hope agrees to see me on a telehealth basis, then I head back the Monday after the wedding.”
“Oh,” she replied with an incredulous laugh. “You haven’t even been back to the grief group for a second meeting, but you’re already setting up telehealth? How long have you known?”
He pulled off his stupid coaching visor and ran a hand through his already tousled hair. “Two days,” he admitted. “Chancellor Barnes called me two days ago and said a contract was already on its way.” He nodded toward the envelope. “I was going to tell youtonight, Haddie. I swear I was.”
She slapped the envelope against his chest. “Well, I guess now you don’t have to.” She brushed past him and bolted toward her room.
“Come on, Haddie,” she heard from over her shoulder as Levi followed in her wake. “Can’t we talk about this?”
She whirled on him just inside her room. “What is there to talk about, Levi? You are doing exactly what I knew you’d do. Don’t you think I know how this works by now? If I love, I get left. Do you know that my mom didn’t just die when I was a kid? She left me with my grandmonsterbeforethe end so I didn’t have to see her at her sickest. Did she ask me if that was what I wanted, to lose her before I lost her? And my grandmonster?” She huffed out a bitter laugh. “She taught me the art of keeping people at a distance so they couldn’t hurt you. But guess what? It still hurts like hell that she’s gone, and I can’t, Levi. I can’t hurt like that again, which means youcan’tlove me, and I certainly can’t love you.” She was crying now, but she didn’t care.
He took a step back, but he didn’t walk away like she had. God, she was good at walking away. But what else did she know? You love, you lose. That was how it worked in Haddie’s world. But she didn’t have to be the victim of circumstance this time. She had the power to choose how it ended.
“Haddie…” he said gently. “I am so sorry for the losses you’ve had to endure. But how is shutting me out going to make this hurt any less? I told you I loved you, which means you were always going to be a part of the conversation about me going back to Indiana. Iwas just waiting for the right time. Don’t you get that those words don’t just fall out of my mouth because the sex is good or because I’m just trying them on for size. You can be scared of this…” He motioned between them. “But you don’t get to tell me it’s not real.”
Haddie pulled a suitcase out of her closet and tossed it onto her bed. Then she began pulling random items off of hangers and throwing them sloppily into the case.
“You’re leaving?” he asked, and the way his voice broke onleavegutted her.
Her movements slowed and her shoulders sagged, and Haddie was just so damned tired of being right about what the universe had in store for her. Just this once she wanted to be wrong.
She took a few steadying breaths and then turned to face Levi.
“Maybe I am leaving,” she admitted. “But only for a night or two so I can get my head on straight. The difference is that even if I leave this apartment, Summertown is my home now. When you leave, you’ll be gone for good.”
Levi took a step closer to her, and although she flinched, Haddie didn’t push him away.
“We’ll figure it out,” he pleaded, hands sliding over her cheeks and his fingertips burying themselves in her hair. “That was always the plan.”
Was there even a conversation to have? Maybe…when they’d had months to get over the honeymoon phase of whatever they were and could part ways with level heads and clear hearts. But she was tangled up in feelings she didn’t know how to navigate. They’d done exactly what Principal Crawford had warned them not to do,and now Levi’s team would suffer, and Haddie… Haddie would leave before she went the way of Humpty-Dumpty and couldn’t put herself back together again.
He dipped his head, and Haddie was powerless against the nearness of him, against the way his scent filled her with an ache she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to ignore, even if she never saw him again.
“Tell me it’s not over,” he whispered. “Not when we’ve barely gotten started.”
He didn’t wait for her to answer. Instead, he brushed his lips over hers, and they kissed like it was the last time they ever would.
Because both of them knew that it was.
Chapter 27
Two days later
