Is that what he wanted?
Am I not pretty enough?
Am I too tall?
Was he not attracted to me anymore?
“April?” Anna questions, bringing her hand to rest atop mine.
“Sorry, I’m just … surprised,” I respond, my voice tinged with disbelief. “I just … He’s on a date.” I look at Anna with watery eyes. “I didn’t … I didn’t think he would move on so quickly.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “She’s so beautiful,” I whisper.
“He’s a moron. I know it’s tough to see beyond the hurt, but he won’t find happiness in what he’s doing. He won’t find it anywhere until he addresses his own issues. This happened because he was unwilling to confront his problems. All these women he’s finding are just feeding him the validation he craves until he moves on to the next. He’ll likely repeat the same pattern with her and the next woman after that unless he sorts himself out. So don’t feel jealous of her and don’t feel sad. Feel sorry for both of them. He has to carry that heavy burden around with him forever. Can you imagine how unhappy he must be?”
This is why she makes such a wonderful teacher. As hilarious and fun as she is, she also has a knack for seeing things logically when it’s hard to do so yourself.
I know she’s right, but it’s hard not to wonder if there’s something wrong with me.
“You have to stop holding on to who he pretended to be, April.” She gives my hand a squeeze, and I return a small smile.
“I really loved him.”
“I know you did, hon.” She takes a sip of her drink before squaring her shoulders. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but now that you aren’t together and I’ve seen him, I’m furious. I feel like it needs to be said.”
“What?” I brace myself, preparing for the worst.
“There’s no easy way to tell you this,” she starts.
“Oh, for God’s sake, just spit it out already.”
“Lucas is a fug.”
I blink. “Sorry,” as I shake my head, trying to understand.
“What?”
“I said he’s a fug. A fuggo. Fugly. He’s fucking ugly?—”
I raise my hand to stop her. “No, I got that part. I mean, why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“It was too late by the time he wooed you with his ‘amazing personality.’” She air-quotesamazing personality.
“What do you mean? Heishandsome, and he’s so charming!” I say.
“Please,” Anna scoffs. “I’ve met urinal cakes with better personalities and more charm than that man. Lucky for James, he got all the looks in that family.”
I sit frozen, stunned.
“I hope that makes you feel better,” she finishes, shooting me an empathetic smile.
“Actually, I think that just made it worse.” I release her hand and bring my drink to my lips.
“Fine,” she says. “But I’m just being honest. For the record, you’re absolutely gorgeous andwaytoo good for him. I think he was batting well above his average with you, and it inflated his already giant, ugly head. He’ll get a rude awakening whenhe realises what he fumbled. Just you wait,” she says, lifting her glass to knock it against mine in cheers.
As I lower my glass, Lucas sees me. It feels as though time slows to a crawl as my heartbeat pounds behind my ribcage. I feel my chest flush with nervousness, and my hands begin to shake. I suck in a breath and allow myself three more seconds to look before turning away.
“I think I’d like to go home now,” I say to Anna, shifting to peek at Lucas once again, who has returned to his date, acting as though he never saw me.
How is it that you can get to know someone so intimately, and then act as if they never existed? To behave as though the person you once cared for so deeply no longer matters, as if you want nothing to do with them? It leaves a hole in my heart that begs to be filled.
