At least with Lucas, our introduction was organic. There was a build-up of angst and anticipation before he asked me out on our first date. Perhaps his being an academic and poet made it seem easier; they generally explore deeper meanings instead of the usual “How are you?” and“What do you do for work?” Then again, all Lucas wanted to explore was other women’s bodies.
I press my lips into a line as he regards me patiently, waiting.
“I am.” I nod, and he smirks, like the cat who got the cream.
“I’m George,” he replies, extending his hand. I take it for a shake.
“April.”
“It’s a bit crowded here, don’t you think? Can I get you a drink?”
I’d rather shit in my hands and clap, thanks, George.
I look down at my empty glass and sigh in defeat as Anna sidles up to me, leaning into my ear. “Gemma’s made a new friend,” she says. George smiles and turns to shuffle to the bar, Anna and I in tow.
I can’t help but chance another look at James, only to find him still watching me.
I’m so confused.Why is he staring?
George interrupts my thoughts, handing me a vodka, lime, and soda. I don’t want to make a spectacle, so I accept the drink.
“Thanks,” I say.
“You’re welcome.”
Lifting the glass to my lips, I take a tentative sip. The mixture of bubbles and lime coats my mouth, cooling me down. I exhale. “Look, I appreciate the drink, but I’ve just got out of a long-term relationship, and I’m really not looking for anything. I just came here tonight to have a good time with my friends.”
“That’s perfectly fine, April. I only wanted to buy a beautiful woman a drink. There are no expectations attached to the vodka soda,” he says with a warm smile, and I’m taken aback by the sincerity in his voice. Perhaps he’s not as boring as I thought he might be.
“So, April, what do you do for work?” he asks.
Oh God. Kill me now.
After George realised he wasn’t getting anywhere with me and his mate didn’t have a chance with Anna, they left. The band has finished their set, and a DJ has taken over. I scan the room, unable to spot James. He must have left. Gemma is happily dancing with her new friend, so Anna and I have left her to takea seat in a booth. Anna is filling me in on her latest work drama while we sip mojitos. I’ve almost had enough alcohol to make texting Lucas seem like a great idea, but I also know I’ll regret it tomorrow morning, so I push the impulse aside and try to focus on listening to Anna.
“Honestly, she’s so difficult to work with. She challenges every suggestion Daniel and I make. It makes planning the rest of term so difficult,” Anna vents.
Anna is a primary school teacher who works tirelessly. She’s incredibly devoted to her students and loves what she does; they are the luckiest kids to have her as their teacher. Anna has a heart of gold.
I continue to listen and provide as much support and advice as I can before her eyes suddenly bulge. I follow her line of sight to where it lands on Lucas.
At the bar.
With a woman.
My stomach does a nauseating flip, and I work harder for air.
“Shit. April, are you okay?” she asks, her face etched with concern as she lowers her voice.
I sit frozen in shock, my mind a whirlwind of jumbled thoughts. Like someone tipped over a Scrabble board, scattering the pieces, and I can’t seem to find my words.
My attention is immediately captured by the woman beside him. Her dainty, pink-tipped fingers rest on his forearm as he leans in to whisper something. A coy smile graces her lips as she looks down, bashful. She’s wearing a short, flowing sage-green dress, accentuating her ample cleavage and showcasing her tan, toned legs. Dark, curly locks fall just below her shoulders, highlighting her petite frame. She’s undeniably stunning.
I don’t recognise her from any of his Instagram messages, so I figure she must be new, and the knowledge that he’s puttinghimself out there, already dating and exploring new women, sends an awful chill through me.
As I observe them, a pang of insecurity creeps in. I can’t help but compare myself. I feel inadequate with my pale complexion, tall stature, smaller chest and curves. It’s totally irrational, but I can’t help but notice that she embodies everything I am not. She is beautiful in ways that I can’t seem to match.
The questions pour through my mind, quick and fast.
