Julius held himself rigidly. Fatigue had etched itself around his eyes. She bit her lip. He didn’t need an interrogation. She ran her hands up his chest and untied his cravat. She drew it off, and the scent of stale whiskey wafted across her nose.
“Would you like some tea?” she asked, forcing herself not to shrink away. But there was something different about Julius that night. The smell, the hard look in his eyes, reminded her of her father. Which was foolish. The men were without compare.
“I don’t need tea.” He grabbed her hands before she could push his coat from his shoulders.
She tried to find the answer in his expression, but it eluded her. She had to ask. “What do you need?”
“I’ve had a bad couple of days, mouse.” He traced the line of her throat with his finger. “I need to fuck. Hard. So hard I can forget, just for a little while.” His tongue followed the path of his finger. “I need to hear you scream my name. Feel your tight little body squeezing around me.”
Amanda shuddered. Each filthy word that fell from his lips brought more heat than the fire. His lips found her nipple and pulled. She arched her back, grateful for the arm he wrapped around her waist, giving her support. She moaned in protest when he raised his head.
“And tonight, I need you to tie me to the bed.” His voice was hoarse and unsteady.
Amanda straightened and saw the desperation in his eyes. “But …”
“I need to conquer my fears. And you’re going to help me.” Julius stepped back and pulled his japanned chest from the bedside table. He pulled out various lengths of rope and laid them on the bed.
Amanda picked one up while he stripped. The hemp felt heavy in her hands. Rougher than she remembered against her own skin. She’d wanted the chance to control their encounters. The chance to own his body as he did hers. And maybe, when he was unable to flee, she’d find the courage to open her heart to him. All good things.
But something about this felt wrong.
“Are you certain?”
He flashed her the same smile he’d given Madame Sable, all careless charm. It chilled her to the bone. “Why not? It’s just a little rope. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”
He climbed on the bed and lay on his back. The cords of his neck flexed as he watched her pick up a second rope.
“Yes,” she said slowly. “But when we’re in bed together we’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves. Notwithstanding torture. Why would you want to put yourself through it?”
“Not all of us are content to let our fears control us.”
Amanda snapped her head back, as though slapped. The ropes fell from her hand.
Julius cupped her thigh. “I didn’t mean it like that. Just … I want to do this.” He gave her that smile again. Even though Amanda saw through it, it still had the power to soften her. “And trust me, if you are touching me, I will be enjoying myself immensely.”
That Amanda could understand. She crawled up his body and straddled his waist. She rested her hands on his chest. His heartbeat leapt beneath her touch. “That is all very well and good, but you haven’t considered one problem.”
“What’s that?”
She bent down, touching the tip of his nose with her own. “I don’t know how to tie your knots.”
She kissed the corner of his mouth as he pondered that. The patterns he created on her body with his rope were works of art. She wasn’t quite sure what he expected from her.
One of his hands fell to her hip as he rocked his pelvis into hers. She broke off the kiss and dropped her forehead to his shoulder.
“Take one of the shorter ropes,” he told her. She picked it up. “Make a loop and wrap it around my wrist.” He waited for her to comply. “Then thread the end through the loop and pull it tight.”
The rope slid taut around his wrist. A fine sheen of sweat broke out across his brow, and Amanda hesitated.
“Tie the end to the headboard.” His voice was encouraging even as a tremor ran through it. He tugged lightly at the bond. “Good. Now the other hand.”
She picked up the rope. His whole body tensed between her thighs. Julius gritted his teeth, and a little piece of Amanda’s heart broke away. He was so willing to face his fears. She was surrounded by strong, courageous people. And inspiring. Rubbing a soothing circle on his chest, Amanda felt her own fears slipping away. She was ready to tell him how she felt.
But this wasn’t the time for him to hear it. If he didn’t reciprocate, it would only add pressure when his nerves were worn thin. After he experimented with the rope. Then she’d tell him.
Right now, she needed to make this experience as good for him as possible. She looped the rope around his other wrist but made no move to attach the end to the headboard. Instead, she slid down his body, kissing a new spot on his chest and stomach every inch she lowered.
The muscles of his stomach tensed beneath her lips, and she hoped it was from an entirely different cause than the rope. Her hair trailed over his skin. It brushed over his hardening length, and Julius groaned. So, she did it again.
