“Only you know what the right decision is. None of the rest of us can give that to you. But the most important thing is you have to let her take the lead, because whatever will happen will either happen or not, but not if you force it.” He socks him on the arm. “But first things first, you have to get to bed so you can drive that ex-girlfriend of yours back to the airport so she can fly away from you.”
Tyler stands up and gives Lucas one of those signature bro hugs where they pat each other on the back, before heading off to the den to crash on the couch (which I still feel guilty about). I turn on my heel and am about to tiptoe quietly back down the carpeted hallway toward the guest room when Lucas’s low voice rings out behind me, deep and quiet, and I justfeelthat it’s directed solely at me.
“Just go easy on him, okay? It feels like he’s just now starting to adjust to life without you in the center of his orbit. Just…please. Don’t make him go through that again.” For a second, I think he sounds a little choked up, but he masks it with a cough and another sip of beer. Face burning red even though I’m still in the hallway, I feel the pressure and embarrassment of being seen, and so I scurry back to the guest room and bury my head in the pillow, begging sleep to come to end the mortification.Oh god.He totally knew I was there the whole time—clearly I can’t add sleuth as a potential career path of mine.
Tyler Ferris still loves me, despite everything that happenedin our past. Despite everything that happened today. And sure, maybe he hasn’t changed, and maybe he’s still that funny, adventurous boy who first caught my eye in Suburban Slices on a hot summer day all those years ago.
But,I think, mind swirling with the possibility of another future,is that really a bad thing?My heart, still fluttering with excited butterflies upon hearing Tyler’s declaration of love for me, is trying to tell me that it isn’t. That maybe Tyler as he is now is the Tyler I’m meant to be with after all.
But my brain believes it knows better, as always. So as much as I want to go race down the hall and into the den and fling myself into Tyler’s arms, I resign myself to the sinking feeling that it just isn’t in the cards for us. That I have to be practical, and not only think with my heart. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned from my mother, it’s that thinking with your heart only gets you hurt.
If Delia and I were still friends, she’d tell me I was being a coward or a chickenshit or a dummy. If she were here right now, she’d probably knock me upside the head with a pillow and reiterate that I was acting like all three.
The dark haze of sleep is threatening to blur my vision, but all I can think about is my conversation with my mother.
You have to follow your heart, pea. It’s the only way you’re ever going to be happy.
What if my heart wants what my brain has been going against all this time? What if it’s the worst idea in the cosmic universe, because Tyler and I were never destined to be a match? What if I get my heart broken again?
Staring up at the ceiling in the inky black room, I’m startled more by that question than anything else. And not because I’mworried about getting my heart broken—but because there’s a feeling stirring in my gut that I can’t deny, no matter how hard I try to. If I get my heart broken by Tyler, I won’t even care. I’ll be grateful for every single second leading up to that moment.
Oh no.This is bad. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to force sleep to come, but all that’s playing on the undersides of my eyelids is a highlight reel of our day together. Tyler’s cheeky grin at the Rainbow Drive-In, a smear of loco moco egg yolk in the corner of his mouth. The feeling of the ocean rushing up to greet me at China Walls, and the cool tingle of the water as we meet. The taste of raspberry-and-vanilla-flavored carbonation dancing on my tongue at the soda stand on the North Shore. Holding Mele. WatchingTylerhold Mele. The Hawaiian pulled pork sliders still warming my belly. The breathtaking awe of Diamond Head’s summit.
Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. All of the best parts of this day surrounding Tyler. Not a single thought to Jack or any of what came before that Jeep pulled up next to the sprawling tree on the University of Hawai?i campus. My heart knowing something that my brain hasn’t quite caught up to yet, trying to give me signs with the butterflies and stomach swoops and all of the relentless blushing. Unplanned as it might be, maybe Tyler really was the right fit for me after all, even after all this time.
Well, shit.
I think I’m falling in love with Tyler Ferris again.
If I’m truly honest with myself, I don’t think I ever stopped.
Chapter Twenty-Five
After the day I’ve had, I don’t even dream. Instead, I fall into an inky, black sleep where it feels like my body is melting straight into the mattress from exhaustion, and I don’t even move around until the incessant pinging of my phone forces me to blearily return to the land of the living.
With only one eye open (and half open at that), I reach for my phone on the nightstand and look at the screen.
15 missed calls: Jack Cameron
6 voicemails: Jack Cameron
32 unread texts: Jack Cameron
It takes a second for my brain to adjust to the fact that I spitefully changed his name back to his full name in my contacts before bed last night, not giving him the satisfaction and stripping away all of his emoji hearts and swoony faces. But seeing his name there, dull and blank and plain, makes me feel hollow inside.
I look at the time: It’s only 9:00a.m. and most of these callsand messages came through within the last hour. Unable to put it off any longer, I open the string of messages.
Jack: Olive?
Jack: You awake?
Jack: Listen, can we talk about what happened the other day? I feel like I didn’t explain myself well enough.
Jack: Where are you, anyway? I know you said not to text, but I’m worried.
Jack: Olive?? Hello???
Too annoyed to read through the rest, I delete the thread and press play on the first voicemail.
