“Heeeey, Olive.”Jack sounds out of breath, and the pounding shoes on the pavement in the background indicate that he made this call while on his morning jog. Something about that makes the bile rise in my throat.First he shatters your heart; then he can’t even be bothered to fully dedicate his time and effort to a call without multitasking.Still, I keep listening out of sheer curiosity.“Listen, I think we really got off on the wrong foot when you got here. Seeing you leave like that…it made me realize what a shitty thing I’d done, and I don’t ever want to be the one who hurts you.”He grunts and it sounds like he’s stumbling over a rock. Hopefully it was a big one.“Is there any chance we can meet up today and talk about what happened? I totally understand if you’re not willing to do that, but please atleast let me know you’re safe. I have no idea where you ran off to after you left…Okay, talk to you soon, I hope. I lo— Bye.”He ends the call before he can reflexively say those three little words, and I hate him all the more for it. I delete the remaining five voicemails without listening to a single one.
I sit and stew for a few more minutes, staring at the ceiling, before I drag myself out of bed and pad down the hall to brush my teeth and get my day started. Ella murmurs softly to Mele in the kitchen, and while it’s still early, it’s definitely late enough that Lucas is off doing drills or working or whatever it is you’re supposed to do when you live and work on a military base (it’s not like I’d know). The smell of eggs wafts down the hallway, and it makes my stomach grumble loudly.
I still haven’t seen or heard from Tyler since overhearing his conversation with Lucas last night. I’m running through a mental game plan of the apology I’m going to give—I’m sorry, I know I’m not your girlfriend anymore but I know that doesn’t mean you and your family don’t care about me; I feel the same way—when the bathroom door swings open right as I’m stepping toward it and I run smack dab into Tyler’s chest.
“Oof,” he grunts, stumbling backward a little bit. And I, genius that I am, lose my own balance and continue to trip forward, placing both palms flat on the thin material of his sleep shirt to keep myself upright. We both pause for a second, my fingertips buzzing with an electric heat as they connect with the smooth, taut muscle underneath his shirt.
“You good, Olive?” Any tension from last night seems to be long forgotten, as Tyler looks down at me with one eyebrow quirked and his telltale smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.His eyes are still a little bit hazy with sleep, but his breath smells minty fresh.
I take a deep breath, ready to launch into my spiel. “I’m sorry.” My well-thought-out apology rushes to the emergency exit as the words blurt from my mouth.So much for eloquence.“I…yeah. I’m sorry. About…you know. Yesterday. I didn’t want our adventure day to end that way.” I peer around Tyler toward the toilet bowl, wondering if it’s possible to flush myself down it and into the sewer pipes and far, far away from this conversation. But then I remember that I’m still awkwardly feeling him up in the doorway, and I step back as if his chest muscles are searing hot.
Tyler, thankfully, doesn’t act like anything’s weird about the awkward display, and he nods and leans against the doorframe. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who’s sorry for coming on too strong like that and stepping back those few times when I needed a second. I just…It sucks to think that because of everything that happened between us, you still think we wouldn’t be able to work out.”
I think back to yesterday and the day before, on the plane and at the Rainbow Drive-In, both times that Tyler had to take a step away for a second. “I know you feel differently, and I get it. And you don’t have anything to apologize for, either. I actually appreciate that you take a step away when you’re feeling frustrated, you know?”
He nods thoughtfully. “I know. Learned the trick from my parents when I was pretty young. They always told Lucas and me that it keeps disagreements from getting ugly, if people excuse themselves when they feel their emotions running hot. Gives thema chance to come back to the conversation when they’re calmer.” He lifts a shoulder like it’s no big deal and he didn’t say one of the most profoundly introspective and mature things to ever come out of an eighteen-year-old’s mouth. I tell him as much, which gets him to chuckle—and it sounds extra low and deep with his husky morning voice, sending a shiver through me.
“Fresh start?” he offers, pushing off the doorframe and stepping aside to let me into the bathroom.
I nod in agreement. “Fresh start.” He pulls me into a quick hug, resting his chin on top of my head and breathing deeply before letting me go, the warmth of his body already gone before I have a chance to absorb it.
Ella’s voice floats down the hall from behind me, and we both follow the sound to see her standing there, spatula in hand and looking at us curiously as we break from our hug. “Good,” she says primly. “You’re both up. I made some breakfast—anyone interested in some Spam and eggs before you head out?”
Tyler snorts from behind me, no doubt recounting our conversation from yesterday about the salty canned meat. Still, Ella and Lucas are gracious enough to let me stay in their home, and the last thing I’d ever want to be is rude, so I force myself to smile at her warmly.
“Of course,” I reply, lacing my words with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. “I’d love some.” Ella nods at my response, pleased, before taking off back toward the kitchen to make us some plates of food. As soon as she’s out of sight, I turn around and see Tyler doubled over laughing, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes.
I sock him playfully on the shoulder for good measure before stepping into the bathroom and pushing him out so I can closethe door. “Scratch that,” I tell him as I swing the door shut. “The fresh start begins after breakfast.”
After a breakfast that consists of a lot of water drinking to mask the sounds of gagging (which is nothing against Ella’s cooking, buteverythingagainst my renewed—and intense—hatred for Spam), Tyler and I get ready to leave. It’s also a great excuse to stay busy and not look at my phone and the text messages and calls that continue to pop up from Jack throughout the morning, which all remain ignored.
As we zip up my suitcase and scan the room for any forgotten items like my phone charger or headphones, we don’t talk about what I overheard in the hallway last night. Being that Tyler doesn’t mention it while he brings my suitcase out to the car, I take it that Lucas didn’t tell him about our little exchange—if that’s what you can even call it. He also doesn’t bring it up when we all gather in the living room to say goodbye after Lucas’s training ends, Mele yawning sleepily and clinging to Ella’s shirt as we all exchange hugs.
Ella squeezes me extra tight with her free arm while Mele tugs on my hair. “You be safe, okay? Let Tyler know when you land so I can make sure he tells us.” She pats my shoulder affectionately, and we lock eyes before we let go. “It was really good to see you again, Olive. Don’t be a stranger.”
“I won’t,” I lie, because neither of us knows what’s going to happen with me and Tyler beyond here—we know we won’t date, but the friendship thing feels a little more precarious. Especially after knowing how much it’s tearing him up inside—it’s very likely that our paths probably won’t cross again, and I’m surprised at how hollow my chest feels at the thought of it. Thankfully, Ella doesn’t call me out on this, instead kissing mycheek and giving me another pat on the shoulder before stepping back to let Lucas say goodbye, untangling her daughter’s fingers from my hair.
Lucas and Tyler finish another one of their bro-hug, back-slapping man things before Tyler steps aside, leaving Lucas standing right in front of me. For a second, the awkward tension is ripe in the air, so thick it feels like I can choke on it. We both remember his parting words to me in the hallway last night, even if neither of us wants to acknowledge them.Don’t make him go through it again.
I look him in the eye and hope I can convey the answer sitting inside my own brain, the one I won’t speak aloud just in case Tyler or Ella overhears.I won’t.For a second, I seriously doubt my telepathy skills, until Lucas nods in appreciation, a look of understanding on his face.
He pulls me into a quick, awkward hug, giving me a pat on the back. “It was nice seeing you again, Olive.” His voice is gruff and maybe a little bit emotional, but it’s hard to tell when he’s mumbling into my shoulder. “Have a safe flight home. See you again soon?” He pulls back and locks eyes with me, a challenge there.
“Of course,” I lie, pasting on a smile. “I’ll be back before you guys know it.”
Lucas looks pleased at this, nodding carefully.
As if that’s the cue, Tyler and I say our final goodbyes, give Mele little kisses on her chubby cheeks, and head out to the car. Even Tyler looks glum as he waves goodbye to his niece, though his trip isn’t over.
“It makes me a little sad,” he explains as he turns the key inthe ignition, as if he’s reading my thoughts. “That the next time I come back to visit, she’ll have grown so much. I wish I could live here.”
“Why can’t you?” My question shocks both of us, and Tyler turns to me in surprise. I rush to clarify. “I mean, you’ve always been about last-minute, spur-of-the-moment kinds of adventures. Moving to Hawai?i after graduation seems exactly like the type of thing you’d do. You know how your mom wants you guys to connect to your roots more.” I don’t mean it as an insult, more so that I’m jealous of Tyler’s ability to be so carefree and spontaneous with everything, but my words still seem to sting him, shuttering his expression. He nods and we continue the drive to the airport in silence.
“I know you think I’m totally reckless,” he says quietly after a few minutes, nothing but the hum of the tires taking up the sound in the car. “I know I don’t have a ten-step life plan the way you do. But moving across the entire continent—hell,offthe entire continent, without a job and leaving my parents—is a little reckless even for me, don’t you think? Even if it meant connecting with my heritage.”
I’m still in damage-control mode, but I surprise myself with the words that come straight from my heart, meaning every single one. “I don’t think I’d call that reckless. You have family here, and a niece that you want to see grow up. A huge part of your ancestry comes from this beautiful place that you want to learn more about. It’s not the same thing as if I decided to drop everything and come here, you know? I’d have nobody. But you’d be following your family. That…that seems like a pretty good life plan to me. And certainly more exciting than my riveting plansof an accounting degree from community college.” I briefly wonder what life would’ve been like if Jack hadn’t done what he did, and if we were still dating. I didn’t have any plans to come out to the University of Hawai?i with him, but what if he’d decided to stay here after college? Would I have had to shift my entire life plan to accommodate him? Would I evenwantto?
I can’t help but think that if Tyler was factored into the equation, maybe I’d at leastconsiderthe idea.
