Though, I don’t know what to do about it since I don’t know where her head is. These feelings are entirely new territory for me. My initial instinct is to do what I always do. Avoid them completely.
Not avoid Bailey, because I’ve tried that before and we ended up here.
Avoiding feelings, that I’m practically a professional at.
“Maybe,” I tell him.
“Just come by later if you decide to join.” Jameson shrugs. I like that he’s not too pushy. There’s been plenty of times I’ve been here while he’s working with the horses and he never pushes conversations, just lets me be if I want to be left alone.
As he walks away, I think of one thing that may affect my decision. “Can Bruno come?”
“Of course,” he answers without even turning around.
I decidedto join Jameson’s guy’s night because the distraction sounds useful. Knowing Bailey is just next door and that I can’t interrupt her time with her friends only cemented my decision.
As soon as I get to Jameson’s house I see that his coworkers are already there. Being surrounded by guys I don’t know very well makes me slightly uncomfortable, though I do everything I can to push past it.
The beer in my hand is helping just a little bit as I try to be somewhat social. Which for me is saying a couple words here and there in a conversation I really don’t have much to contribute to.
Dave, Parker, and Jameson all work together so a lot of what they talk about has to do with firefighting which I know very little about. I did consider going into a first responder field after my life was derailed, but never followed through with any of the training.
“How was it holding down the fort here while Jameson was gone?” Parker asks me, and I shrug.
“Fine.”
“Ma didn’t bother you too much?” Jameson asks, and I shake my head.
“You missed a good call last night. Some shithead kids set off fireworks and one ended up in a tree,” Dave says, changing the subject.
I try to cover my reaction at the mention of the fireworks. And what happened afterwards. I try not to think about how weak it made me look. What Bailey must have been thinking seeing me so out of control. I hate that I can’t control my reactions to certain things.
“I think it was actually pretty close to your house, did you hear them?” Parker asks.
“Yeah, hard to miss. They were fucking loud,” I grunt, taking a swig of my beer.
“How’d Bruno handle them?” Jameson asks, nodding his head to the dog curled up at my feet. He still hasn’t warmed up to being in a space with these unfamiliar people, or the two other dogs quite yet.
“He hid,” I answer, not wanting to talk about the wayIhandled them.
“I never understood the point of fireworks.” Parker shakes his head. “They look cool I guess, but they are so dangerous. It’s stupid.”
“Not to mention dogs and veterans can struggle with the sounds,” Dave says offhandedly, and my spine stiffens.
Luckily, no one asks me specifically about it. I catch Jameson looking at me, gauging the reaction I try to hide. Everyone moves on from the firework subject, and I try to stay engaged, but as the night goes on it gets harder and harder because all I’m doing is wondering about Bailey.
What’s she doing with her friends? Are they having fun? What are they talking about? Will she be awake when I get back home? My mind is a constant rotation ofher.
“Bet you can’t wait for Lily to come back when she’s done with school,” Dave teases Parker.
The youngest guy scoffs, taking a big swig from his drink. “She’s got some boyfriendI guess.”
“How’d you find that out?” Jameson asks.
“She told me.”
“She told you?” Jameson doesn’t sound convinced and I feel like I’m missing something yet again. I know I’m an outsider, especially in their group, but this subject has me feeling like I’m missing crucial information.
“Yeah, she told me. Texted me to not talk to her because she’s got a boyfriend and to leave her alone,” Parker grumbles.
