“I thought so too, but I didn’t know you were worried.”
“Well, I wouldn’t sayworriednecessarily, just interested to see what the kids would do.”
“I’m still alive, so that’s a start.”
AsI got closer to my car, it was easy to see that it was indeed Darwin pacing back and forth behind it. He was so tiny he could have easily passed for a sixth grader. He was barely five feet tall and scrawny. His face was completely smooth and blemish-free. His white-blond hair lay thin and straight in bangs that came nearly to his eyes.
“Hi, Darwin. What’s up?”
Darwin jumped at the sound of my voice. I could have sworn he had been looking at me as I walked toward him.
“I, uh, just wanted to talk to you for a second, that’s all.”
I tried to be funny. “Oh, good. I thought you were going to steal my car keys and go for a joyride.”
He just stared at me.
Trying too hard, Morrison. Tone it down.
“I just wanted to ask you….” He glanced around then brought his eyes to mine. “How’d you know my name?”
“What?” That was so not the question I was expecting.
He looked away, unable to hold my gaze any longer. “Donnie had to tell you Bubba’s and Alyson’s name. When I raised my hand, and you called on me, you already knew who I was.”
I hadn’t even realized I had called him by name. I wanted to smack myself. What if other kids had noticed and made something out of it? “Uhm, Mandy, Pastor Bron’s daughter, mentioned you to me. She said that you were a really great kid.” He just looked at me, not buying that I was being honest. “I was sorry to hear about your grandmother.”
Tears instantly filled his eyes. Wonderful. Tag the kid for being gay in front of the whole youth group, then bring up his dead grandma and make him cry. Nice start.
“I’m sorry, Darwin. I wasn’t trying to bring up something painful.”
He didn’t let more than a couple of tears escape. He was tougher than I thought. “It’s okay. I just really miss her.”
“I was really close to my grandmother too. I still miss her.”
He just nodded. So much for connecting over missing grandmothers.
“What year are you, Darwin?”
“Sophomore.”
“That’s cool. Are you in band or choir?” I caught myself. “Baseball or something?”
He ignored the question. I admired him for getting right to the point. “What have you heard about me?”
“What do you mean?”
He looked a mix between irritated and scared shitless. “You knew my name.”
We looked at each other. The moon came out from behind a cloud and lit up his face. He looked so young.
I didn’t know what to say. Should I make up something? Be direct? I thought about what I wanted at his age. I wanted someone to ask me. I was so tired of the secret; I just wanted someone to lay it out on the table for me.
“Are you wanting me to ask you, Darwin?”
He didn’t say anything. But he looked in my eyes, imploring.
I wanted to run away as far as I could. “Do you think that you’re like me, Darwin? Do you think you’re gay?”
