“Are you sure this is the only florist in town?” He glanced around, as if there might be one hiding behind a bush or something.
“Yes, Jed. You keep forgetting where you are. You’re lucky we even have a florist. Why? What’s wrong with this one?”
“For one, it’s called Rose Petal’s Place.”
“What’s wrong with that? I loved that cartoon when I was a kid.”
He gave me a withering look. “Plus, the paint is peeling all over the side of the building,andthey haveplasticflowers hanging in the baskets outside.Plastic!”
“Well, what do you expect, Jed? It’s December.” I lifted my hands, proclaiming my innocence in the matter. “Donnie says a committee is planning improvements to the downtown area. Maybe you should join so you have some say in the covenants of what the store owners can or cannot do.”
He paused for a second. “You know, that’s not a half-bad idea. Maybe I will.”
Perfect. Just what we needed. Me and my big mouth.
The little bell chirped as we walked through the door. I could tell Jed wasn’t encouraged by what he saw inside. It had a very small interior, and every wall had been painted a shade of light pink. The hardwood floor had been painted white, but was now scuffed, scratched, and chipped. All the trim and floorboards were a shocking hue of red, and the frame around the large front window a vibrant purple.
He turned and gave me another withering glare.
“What?” I shrugged. “Iris has always had a very daring taste in decorating.”
His eyes bugged as he whispered, “The owner of the flower shop’s name isIris? You’ve got to be kidding me?”
I just winked at him. “Hurry up. Pick out something so my mother can ridicule you for it.”
“Stop it. Be nice.” He looked around the store and then back at me. “Everything in here is fake. More plastic flowers!”
I glanced around. “No look”—I pointed to the far corner—“there’s a section of silk flowers.” I bugged my eyes back at him. Jed has always detested fake flowers, plastic, silk, or otherwise. If it wasn’t real, he thought it shouldn’t exist.
He leaned closer to me. “Maybe we should go back to the store. I can get her some magazines or a book or something.”
“Are you kidding me? Let’s just get out to her house.”
At that very moment, we heard the unmistakable sound of a toilet flush, followed by the sound of a door opening much too quickly for there to have been a chance for hand washing.
“Hello?” A feminine voice hollered from the back room. “Give me a second. I heard the door chime, but there’s just some things you can’t rush.”
Somehow, Jed’s eyes managed to bug out even further.
After a few seconds, a woman in a purple dress with white flowers rushed around the corner. The neck and the sleeves had white lace on the hems, all of which looked like they were in danger of bursting.
She saw Jed and stopped short, obviously not used to having strangers in her store. Especially tall, dark,handsome strangers. She began to smooth out her dress, both over her bosom and her rump.
Iris was not a small woman. Iris was not even a large woman. Iris was a huge woman. The only reason her massive breasts did not fall past her waist was that they rested comfortably on top and on either side of her immense belly. “Well, my my.” She cleared her throat. “You’re not who I was expecting to see. Lois is on her way over to pick up some flowers to put on her husband’s grave. It’s been four years today since he died, you know.”
There was an awkward pause while Jed decided the most appropriate response. I must admit, I enjoyed watching. Most of the time, Jed doesn’t struggle with what to say in any situation. He could meet the president of the United States and not look the least bit flustered or ill-mannered. It seemed he had met his match in this old, absurdly fat woman.
“Hello, madam.”
I thought I was going to burst out laughing at the notion of calling Irismadam.
“Sorry to have disturbed you. I was just needing to purchase some flowers.”
She looked him up and down, again. “Well, that makes sense. You’re from out a town, aren’t ya? You must be here courting a local girl. One of the twins, I bet. Sarah. No, no, not Sarah. You’re much too handsome for Sarah. Samantha! She’s the prettier one. You’re here a-courtin’ Samantha. Well, good for her. She’s done right good for herself! Bet her mamma’s proud!”
Once again, dumbstruck, Jed stared at her, his jaw gaping. It didn’t matter to Iris. I’m sure it had been ages since she had such a good-looking man this physically close to her, if ever. She kept right on going.
“I told that woman that she shouldn’t have let Sarah go off to college. I told her. No good man wants a career woman for a wife. I told her. Samantha played it right, staying home and taking care of things here. Of course, I thought she had been getting cozy with that Wallace boy who lives out by Collins.” She paused again, looking as if she was concerned she had said something she shouldn’t, then rushed forward. “I’m sure it ain’t nothin’. Nothing to concern yourself with. I am sure they must have just gone to school together or something, just friends. She’d never cheat, not Samantha. Sarah maybe, no telling what she’ll be like when she gets back from the university. You’re a heck of a lot better-looking than that Wallace boy. No way she’s not doing right by ya.”
