He did stop, momentarily. It felt like I shouldn’t say anything, so I didn’t.
“I don’t even completely know whyyou, specifically. Don’t get me wrong. I like you. Everything I have heard about you has been terrific, and you impress me in person. Even more so today. But, I don’t really know you that well, obviously. This is the second time we’ve met in our entire lives. However, I believe it is right. If I’m not misunderstanding God’s nudging, then I believe you are the one who is meant to help us with our kids. And please don’t take offense to this, but maybe we are the ones who are supposed to help you.”
“Help me be straight, you mean.” I was surprised at the bitterness in my own voice.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
I did, actually. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s understandable.”
“Okay. I can accept all of that. I can accept that there might not be clear answers to all of that right now.”
“Maybe not ever.”
I sighed. “Fine, maybe not ever. However, there is something you can answer. Something I need answered before I give my final yes.”
He smiled at me, patiently. “What is that, Brooke?”
“I want to know what you think. Don’t be all intellectual.” I looked him dead in the eye. “I want to know what you think about me being gay. About it being a sin. About me working with kids. What you expect me to do with it in church?”
He leaned forward. His words were strong and firm, though not loud or angry. “I expect you not to get up there every week and talk about being gay. I expect you not to make every conversation with the kids about you being gay. Likewise, I expect you not to use every conversation as cheap therapy for you to work through the issues with your mother.” He smiled at me again. “Yes, I know about your mother. How could I not? Everyone knows about your mother.”
I laughed sardonically. “I guess that is true.”
He leapt in again, not finished. “However, I don’t expect you to keep it a secret. Not your husband, nor your mother. I expect you to talk about them when it is appropriate. Believe it or not, there are kids in this church who have mothers who are similar to yours, or fathers. There are kids in this church I know are gay, but who are too terrified, ashamed, and hidden to talk about it or even admit it to themselves. I have spoken to many gay Christians. Something every one of them told me about their childhood was that they wanted someone to be direct with them, not pretend like it wasn’t there. They need someone like you to look up to, direct their questions to, instead of simply hearing from the pulpit how homosexuals are evil and abominations.” My eyes must have been huge. “Am I wrong?”
My voice was quiet. “No. I wanted that too. It was exhausting trying to keep it a secret. Even if it meant being an outcast, there were times I just wanted someone to ask me. Just to get it done with.”
Tyler kept on going. “And how I feel about being gay and being Christian? I don’t have all the answers. To be honest, I am not one hundred percent sure. But, like I have said, I have met many gay Christians and have seen thattheir love for God is real, as is their relationship with Him. That is enough for me. I know it won’t be for everyone, but it is for me. When I can see Christ through someone’s eyes and manifested in their life, who am I to say that God doesn’t dwell within them, when He so plainly does.”
I wiped my eyes. “I have cried more since I moved back down here than I have my entire adult life.”
His smile softened even further. “If I know God, I doubt that will cease any time soon.”
Nineteen
Jed’sface contorted in what looked like pain. I couldn’t believe I’d almost forgotten what that face looked like. His eyes were closed as he moved with increasing rhythm above me. The muscles in his chest flexed as his arms began to tremble from supporting his weight for so long. His lips curved up over his teeth as the loud grunts shortened and became ragged breaths, followed by one long, intense groan. His body lowered, and his weight pressed me into the mattress. His sweat-covered skin made me tremble as his chest slid against mine. My legs tightened, not wanting him to leave me yet. They lost their will as his lips came to mine and his tongue filled my mouth. Without so much as a groan, he shifted and I found myself above him, straddling his hips.
“I’ve missed this.” His voice was husky.
I traced the line of black hair below his belly button and over the soft skin. His belly had once been rock hard and taut. Gradually, although still firm, it had begun to thicken, as had the rest of him. Surprisingly, I preferred his new body. It was manlier, more rugged. “Really? The twelve or fifteen times over the past several days hasn’t taken the edge off?”
He looked at me in complete seriousness. “Not in the slightest. Not bad for a guy pushin’ forty, huh? You ready to go again?”
I smacked his wet chest, the sound loud in our little bedroom. “What are you trying to do to me? I have to concentrate to walk normally the way it is!”
He moved his hand from behind his head and wrapped it around me with a little tug. “That’s my man!”
“Dork.” I couldn’t seem to get enough of his body, watching it, touching him, feeling him inside. “I’m thinking we should be apart more often. It’s like we just got married again.”
“Not gonna happen.” He gave me one more tug before he let go. “Not if I can help it.”
Our sex life had always been good, but over the years it went from a few times a day to a few times a week, to occasionally only a few times a month. I guess that is normal for most couples who had been together as long as we had. We’d both gotten used to it and hadn’t really noticed.
Jed had arrived on Sunday afternoon, and since that time, we’d had more sex than when we first got together. This evening was extra special because Maudra had left for the Wednesday night church service. So, we didn’t have to watch our volume as closely as we had been. She hadn’t even asked if we wanted to go with her. That woman is a saint.
Tenderly, I got off of him and slid up next to him on the bed, my fingers never leaving his skin. “Wanna go get something to eat? Ice cream maybe?”
