“So it seems. Not sure if I really enjoy that aspect of His nature.”
His eyes were downcast, and his voice softer. “No, me either.”
I waited for the moment to pass. He soon looked back to me, giving me a cockeyed smile. “So, I am assuming you’re here because you want to tell me you are chomping at the bit to start working with our youth group.”
“I’m not sure I’d phrase it like that, but in a roundabout way, yes.”
“Very good. When were you considering beginning?”
I hadn’t thought it would be that fast. I tried to think quickly. “Actually, I thought you weren’t wanting me to start right away. I don’t know if I’m ready to start too soon. I haven’t even gotten used to the idea, especially since it isn’t really a day old yet.”
“Honestly, if I had my way, that is how I would like for you to start. I’m afraid if you have too much time to think things over, you’ll talk yourself out of it.” He leaned back in his chair and moved his folded hands from the desk to his stomach, which I couldn’t help notice appeared to be flat under his dark blue shirt, tucked smoothly into his jeans. “However, I think we should wait for you to begin until I have taken over at the beginning of the year. I’m not asking you to keep it a secret or anything—tell whomever you want. However, I think things would go smoother if we handle this delicately.”
“Pastor Thomas will object.” It was not a question.
I could see Tyler choosing his words carefully. “I doubt he will be the only one to object, honestly, and I think it would just be easier to wait.”
“That leads me perfectly to what I am really thinking, Tyler, which is, what areyouthinking? How do you expect this to work? I seriously doubt the views of this church have changed that much since I was a kid.”
“Brooke, I have already told you the reasons I want you to help. You come highly recommended from Donnie, and he is the leader of the group. Maudra speaks highly of you, as do the Durkes.”
I interrupted, “I don’t think Sue and Chuck are such big supporters of this idea.”
“No, they’re not. I’ve spoken to them.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about so many conversations happening about me taking the youth group position before I had even decided to accept. “They don’t oppose you, though. It is more the situation. Sue, especially, is worried about how people’s reactions will affect you. She seems to think you have your hands full already. The gay aspect is an issue for them as well, but not in such a huge manner as you may be assuming.” He took a breath but continued before I could interrupt again. “You have a passion for kids and a seemingly firm faith in God, am I correct?”
“Of course. I love kids, obviously.”
“I mean the faith in God.”
I knew what he had meant. “The reason my voice is a little hesitant on this is that it depends on the frame of reference you are coming from.” I breathed in and then continued in a rush. “If you are asking if I believe in God the way I did when I was a kid, the way I was raised here in this church, their beliefs and standards about Him, then, no, I don’t. I don’t believe that is who God is. I don’t believe He operates in the ways I was taught. I think He is much more accepting and looks more upon your heart and intention than He does on every rule and regulation. I also don’t believe it’s appropriate that we take every word of the Bible as literal and set in stone. Again, I think the fundamental truths are undisputable, but I also believe some of it should be taken from the context of time. Afterall, some of the stories can be, and have been, interpreted in a variety of ways.”
His smile broadened once again. “So, then, the answer to my question is a strong ‘Yes.’ Glad to hear it.”
I had expected some sort of argument. “Well then, what about the denomination? Don’t you think the rest of the other Holy Churches will reject you if they find out about you hiring a gay man? Couldn’t you lose your job?”
“Brooke, this isn’t a secret, per se, but it isn’t exactly common knowledge either. They withdrew their support of us years ago, probably even before you left town. I know it was years and years before Mandy and I moved here.”
“What? Why?” I was completely shocked.
“I’m not sure how you feel about Pastor Thomas, but I imagine he is more progressive than you realize. Now, don’t get me wrong, he’s not going to be happy about you leading the youth, but we will deal with that later. Still, he is much more willing to stand up for what he truly believes, as opposed to what others tell him he should do. I think the final straw was when he refused to stop marrying people with rings.”
I remembered that. It had been a huge deal. People weren’t allowed to wear jewelry. Exchanging wedding rings in the church, in correlation with God’s name, was doubly offensive. A few of the older people had left the church over it, saying it was becoming worldly and was in danger of losing God’s favor. I was sure if they knew that the new pastor was getting ready to bring a gay man on board, they would see it as a fulfillment of their prophecy.
“So, you see,” he continued, “the only issue is the people here in town. We don’t have to worry aboutanything more global. At least as far as I can see.”
I couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice. “Well, that’s a relief.”
He laughed. “Feel better?”
I paused for a moment. “A little, actually. But, still, what about Pastor Thomas and many of the congregation, if not the entire congregation? They were nice enough yesterday, but there is a big difference having a gay guy who used to live here return to town to visit and eat the food at a potluck. It will be another story when he starts overseeing their kids.”
“It won’t be all the congregation. And don’t worry about Pastor Thomas. I will handle that.”
We looked at each other for a moment. I liked him, not because he was good-looking, and not because he wasn’t against a gay guy working at his church. There was just something about him that you wanted to have around you. He had a strength of some kind, a humor, a reflection of what one could be. Still, I didn’t quite understand him. He didn’t make sense. Was he trying to be a martyr for a cause, and a gay minority walked through his door and gave him a chance? Did he like to be a rebel? Was he just bored? I couldn’t see it in his eyes or in his logic.
“I’ve got to be honest, Tyler. I don’t get it.” He started to say something, but I kept going. “I know, I know, I’m good with kids. Donnie likes me. Mandy prays a lot. I get it. Really. But, I don’t get you. Why? Why me? Why at this church, in this town, at this moment?”
He didn’t even have to gather his thoughts. “Brooke, many of those questions you will have to ask God. I don’t really know why at this moment or why this church or why this town. Believe me, I am still asking God all those questions about my own life, about my wife, aboutmoving here. I don’t have those answers. There are times I want to get up, walk out of this office, and never look at a church again until I get those answers.”
