“Shut up,” I teased. He was right. I’d started to hear it in myself. “You do realize, of course, that Cottey College is an all-girl school, right?”
“I believe they prefer allwomen, and, yes, I do realize that.”
“There won’t be any cute boys there for you to daydream about.”
“Well, I could take the kindergarten position. I’m sure the little boys there are cute. Maybe I could steal one for us to adopt.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t.
“Oh, babe.” Jed realized his misstep. “I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I gave my head a shake to clear it. “Are you sure you want to do this? You love your job there. It will be a huge switch to work with all girls or little kids.”
“It’s been a few years since I taught younger kids, but I’m sure I would fall right back into it. And as far as teaching a bunch of girls, it shouldn’t be a problem. We’ll just braid each other’s hair during class. I’ll fit right in.” He chuckled again.
“Jed, I’m serious. I know this isn’t your first choice, or your sixth, or hundredth for that matter.”
“Babe, what are you getting at? No, they aren’t my dream jobs, but it’s okay. I can deal. You’re acting like I have a choice. I don’t. We don’t. You need to be there for now, and I get that.”
“Youdohave a choice.”
He paused, suddenly realizing what I was saying. “No, Brooke. I don’t have a choice. That’s not an option.”
“Of course it’s an option.”
“I swear, Brooklyn Morrison, if I were there I would shake you till your teeth start rattlebanging in your head!”
I knew he specifically chose rattlebanging to lighten the mood. I didn’t fall for it. “You said yourself that I’m changing. You said you were even scared of the changes. We’ve been together for seven years. That’s a good long run. It’s not like the marriage is real or anything.”
The lowness of his voice let me know that I was in dangerous territory, and hewould soon explode. “The marriage isn’treal? Isn’treal? Are you kidding me with this?”
“Not real. I didn’t mean real. I meant legal. It’s not like our marriage islegal.” I heard the pleading sound in my voice. I didn’t like it.
“You’re going to try to tell me the past six years of ourmarriageweren’treal?” His voice was getting louder now. “I don’t need a damned document to tell me our marriage is real. I don’t need the fucked-up bigots of the country to give us their approval for our marriage to be real. You need to stop and think about what you are saying and suggesting before you keep talking.” He returned to a growl.
“Jed, babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just think….” I didn’t know what I thought. “I was just trying to say that….”
“You listen here, Brooke, I don’t give a shit what you are trying to say. I know things are rough and have been for a few weeks now. I know your mom was horrible.Ishorrible, whatever. I know you don’t want to be down there. So what? Quit only thinking about yourself. You’re not the only one going through this right now. I’m in it with you. You’re not the only person in the world who’s had to go back home.”
He took a breath, and I leapt in. “Jed, don’t. You don’t understand….”
“Don’t interrupt me. And don’t tell me I don’t understand. No, I’m not from a small town. I don’t have your psycho mother, but I do have you. You’re not always the sanest person in the world either, you know. Quit feeling so damned sorry for yourself. You’ve got more than a lot of people with crazy families have. You’ve got me, for one. You’ve got the Durkes, who sound amazing.And you’ve got Maudra, who adores you, who is going to let us live with her, so who cares what the rest of the town says? It’s time to start looking at what you have, instead of whining about all that is not perfect in your little world.” He let out a stream of air. “Fuck!”
I sat there for a few moments. Tears were pouring out, already soaking the collar of my T-shirt. I felt ashamed, and I was furious. “You done?”
Jed let out another burst of air. “Yeah. I’m done.”
“Fine, good night, then.”
“Brooke!”
“What, Jed? Anything else you wanna lecture me about?”
His voice was tight. “I just wanted to say good night.”
“I already said good night.”
“I also wanted to say that I love you.”
