The waitress soon brought my water and mayo. I couldn’t believe how good everything tasted. I was going to have to make up for lost time. I hadn’t even enjoyed being skinny.
As we ate, my mind flitted back to the evening and my time in the back rooms. I couldn’t remember much at the beginning. There had been plenty of tripping and plenty of sex, but it all blurred together. I wasn’t really sure how much had been real and how much had been the Spor. At one point, I thought I saw the vampire that had been hunting Brett and my family before Brett disappeared. I had a vague remembrance of trying to follow him, but it was too blurry to be sure. I was fairly certain I’d seen Sonia as well. I’d only met her once before she died, but no one else could look like her. Proof enough that the Spor had done its job. Sonia was dead.
The part that was most clear was the final sex with the werewolf and the others. I could still feel him inside of me, a pleasant ache that I hoped wouldn’t go away anytime soon.
I waited to feel guilty. What about Brett? I loved Brett, and here I was fucking strangers at the Square. The emotion didn’t come. I did love Brett, but he was the one who left. I didn’t owe him anything. I’d spent enough time in suspended misery. I waited for the guilt about the Spor. What would my family think if they ever found out? I couldn’t make myself feel bad about that either. It would take more imagination than I possessed to pretend to feel bad about what happened. Hell, I was gonna use every bit of imagination I had to keep recalling my time on that fucking stone. No need to waste it on guilt.
I paused midchew as I looked up and saw Schwint watching me. Ah, there was the guilt. I knew it had to be in there somewhere.
His inflection was strangely hesitant. “What are you thinking? You looked so far away, and now you look kinda sad.”
How in the world could I explain all that I was thinking? Starting to let go of ex-boyfriend pain. Family expectations. Loving turning myself loose enough to experience such wild things.
“I’m sorry I stood you up on our date.” I lowered the little bit remaining of the burger to my plate. “I didn’t even think about it.”
“Ouch, man!” Schwint put his fist to his heart and twisted. “That doesn’t help. It’s bad enough to stand me up, but to not even realize you did it…” He attempted a teasing tone but didn’t quite pull it off.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just…” The brief moment of guilt grew and brought along its good friend humiliation to join the party. “I’ve kinda been at the Square since we saw each other.”
“Dude! Thewholetime?”
“No. Not the whole time.” I looked away from him, not able to face him anymore. “I went home some. Slept it off from time to time.”
“What about the bakery and your family?”
He didn’t sound judgmental, but I couldn’t help but take it that way. I didn’t owe an explanation to him; he wasn’t even an ex. “I haven’t been going in.” I shrugged. “They managed without me before. They’ll be fine now.” Apparently guilt decided to change my guts from a party location to its permanent residence.
Schwint reached out his hand across the table and covered mine. “Man, I get the feeling that you’re really new to all this, and I ain’t judgin’, but you gotta be careful. That Spor can lead to places you don’t wanna go.”
I pulled my hand free. “You’re one to talk. You told me yourself you like to use it.”
“Yeah, I do. I love it. But I don’t use it for weeks at a time. That doesn’t lead to anywhere good. It will take you places you can’t come back from.”
“Listen, thanks for bringing me to dinner and all, I appreciate it, but this really isn’t any of your business.” Guilt spiked again as I began to lash out at him, but I shoved it down. “I didn’t ask you to come look for me. I didn’t ask for you to wanna date me. I’m sorry that you don’t like seeing me get fucked by other guys. Don’t look!”
He held up his hands in surrender and lowered his voice to a soft, placating level. “Hey, I know you didn’t ask. And I wasn’t there looking for you. I was there for me. I haven’t been in my bedroom crying under the covers just because you stood me up. And as far as watching you with other guys, hell, I loved it. That little show got me two blow jobs. I need to thank you. And, let’s say we were together—”
I started to interrupt, but he cut me off with a wave of his hand.
“I’m not saying we are. Chill out, dude. But if we were, I’d like watching it just as much. Hell, probably even more. I’d be pointing out to everybody that the hot piece of Latin ass belonged to me.”
This took me off guard, and I didn’t know what to say to that. Part of me burned at the idea of a boyfriend being okay with watching the man he loved as three other men took him over. Part of me found the idea sort of freeing. “Still, none of that means—”
He cut me off again. “Let me ask you this. Did that wolf have on a condom as he was fucking you?”
I flinched. “Of course he did!”
Schwint arched an eyebrow.
Or did he? No. I could still feel his cock in me, feel him shooting his sperm deep inside. My chest clenched, and a cold terror washed over me.
“It’s okay.” Schwint reached for my hand once more. I didn’t have it in me to pull it away. “Wolves can’t carry HIV. They run too hot, and the virus is too fragile. You’re not gonna catch much from a werewolf. Besides fleas.”
I knew he was trying to make me laugh, but I couldn’t. “You said before that you can tell if people are sick. Were any of them sick?”
“Do you really think I’d stand there getting sucked off while you contracted some disease?” He gave my hand a squeeze, making my eyes rise up to his. “Hey, I’m not trying to make you feel bad or scare you. I don’t know what all you did before I saw you, but I can tell you that you’re fine. However, that won’t always be the case if you don’t get a handle on this thing. I’m not saying don’t do it, but use your brain. You’re lucky it was a wolf and not some drug-infested, used-up human.”
I sat still, letting his words work their way through my brain, hashing through the fact I was okay and I easily might not have been. “You’re right. I need to stop. I knew that before. I gotta get a grip.”
