His gaze was direct, unflinching. “No. I’ve loved you my entire life. Not too soon.”
How could words make my heart skip for joy and tremble in terror all at the same time? “Can we think about it for a bit? There’s just so much happening all at once.”
“Yeah. I know. You’re right.” His expression fell slightly, but he forced a smile. “I won’t harass you, or beg, for that matter. Just let me know if you decide.”
We stood there awkwardly for a moment.
I reached out and took his hand, this time intentionally channeling Kayla’s bluntness. “Things are a little awkward right now between us. Kinda tense.”
He laughed in way of agreement.
I pulled him closer. “Wanna fuck the awkwardness away?”
He gave a real laugh and a smile free of force. “You’re rather brilliant, you know that?”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
CASSIE WOVEsmall crystal beads and flowers into Charlotte’s hair, getting her ready for her wood nymph shoot. Raising my camera, I snapped a picture of the mother and daughter. They were both so beautiful, as was the adoring expression on Cassie’s face as she knelt on the leaves beside the small girl.
“I want a copy of that one, for sure.”
I turned to see Sam walking up behind me. We’d finished their family photo shoot, and he still had on his white Christmas sweater—it was a cool enough day for it. The white played up his dark Italian features perfectly. It was always fun to take family pictures when the people were beautiful. It was almost too easy. It didn’t feel like work at all.
“Yeah. I think I could use two memory cards just on your wife getting Charlotte ready. They’re beautiful.”
He glanced over at them and smiled. “Yes. They are. I’m very lucky.”
In the week since getting his e-mail, I’d nearly written Sam a hundred times, but Noah kept me from it, going so far as to make me promise I wouldn’t do something I’d regret when he was at work. But Noah wasn’t there, and we were already halfway done with the shoot. Surely they wouldn’t up and leave.
Either way, I had to know. Even after the shoot was over, it would drive me crazy. “Sam.” I suddenly lost my nerve, unsure what to say despite having played this conversation in my mind countless times.
Sam turned away from his family and looked at me. “Yeah? You okay?”
“I have to ask. Are you aware of what’s being said about me lately?”
He smiled, then gave a little laugh. “Yeah, Randall. I’ve been awake at some point over the past few months. I’m aware. Even saw your video.”
“Oh.” So he also knew what parts I’d already confirmed. “And you’re still here? You were okay with using me?”
He gave me an incredulous look. “Randall, Cassie and I have known you for years. And granted, it’s not like we hang out or see you outside of photo shoots, but we know you. Why wouldn’t we use you?”
My eyes began to sting. He was right. We weren’t friends exactly, which made their show of faith even more powerful. And made me want to build an actual friendship with them. And when the fuck was I going to stop crying at the drop of a hat!
Sam seemed to realize I wasn’t able to speak. Of course he did; he wasn’t blind or an idiot. “Randall, I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it before, but several years ago, my brother’s husband went through something similar. He…. You know my brother Jed is gay, right? Surely I’ve mentioned that.”
I nodded. Sam had mentioned it. But even if he hadn’t, my mother had. If the Travazzas’ son could be gay and the world not crumble, surely the same could be said for the Morgans. I was thankful it helped Mom come around, but I’d gotten rather sick of Jedediah Travazza being more of a catalyst for my mother’s acceptance than love for her own son.
Sam continued, still not requiring a response. “Well, Jed’s husband had more than just speculation around him. There were actual allegations from a kid he’d worked with. Brooke hadn’t done anything wrong, but it was hell on them. They’d moved from Denver to Missouri to escape it, but it even followed them there. That place didn’t last too long either.”
His words did anything but encourage me. “They had to move?”
He seemed to realize how I was taking his story. “Oh, I wasn’t meaning that will happen to you. Sorry. Plus, like I said, his story was worse, at least in terms of there being an actual kid involved. I wanted you to know that you’re not the only one who has had to face something like this. And that not everyone is so quick to believe what they hear. And I don’t know if it will do any good, but Cassie and I will make sure anyone who sees these pictures knows that you are the photographer, that we trust you. With our family and with Charlotte.”
More fucking eye burning. I managed to croak out a thank-you, or something sort of resembling a thank-you, when Cassie and Charlotte walked over. Cassie glanced between Sam and me, then leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and patted my chest. As she pulled back, her blue eyes met my brown ones and held steady, saying more than she could have with words. Then, with a quick smile, she broke the moment. “Our little wood nymph is ready for her shot at magic.”
The shoot went perfectly. Not only was Charlotte as pretty as her parents, she’d also inherited their easy dispositions. Though she was a bit timid and shy, it always worked well with the fantasy shots. Where Bailey often seemed like the queen of her imaginary world, Charlotte looked as if she was ready to blend into her surroundings and dematerialize in an instant. Or that she might flit away in the blink of an eye. Her photos were always a bit more haunting.
And, man, was it amazing to be behind the camera again. It felt like home. Normal. Wonderful. I felt like me. The good me.
